Monster

Oh, they are fucking gorgeous!

This thing here^ Not Baracus or the bar at the station (station bars are horrific and should always be avoided) or the price but the very fact that mango cider is an actual thing means that humanity has gone drastically wrong somewhere.

He got new trainers. He got Samba. I like to think I helped educate the less fortunate.

The white Milano are an aquired taste I think. The red and black ones that were released at the same time are things of beauty though.

I'm just not that keen on trainers with pegs really, or I'd own Kegler. Classic trainer and comfy too, apparently.

Which colourway of Kegler Martyn? The only one I can think of is white with blue ///. Your yellow gazelles are alright btw.

That fucking Just Eat advert. "I see you baby......CHICKEN MADRAS!" GET. IN. THE. FUCKING. SEA!

It's a really good way to exercise, too.

Bought one of those portable charger things that charges phones when you're out and about. "Look at this cable here, it said it would fit and i-phone, that won't fit my i-phone, we've been conned!" she says, pointing to the cable used to charge the recharger. "No pet, you use your own i-phone charger to charge your phone, except you plug the USB into the recharger." "Eh....?" Cue about ten minutes of practical demonstration until she got it.

I cannot wait to overpay for generic chicken. If the exchange rate works for me then I shall only pay double what it may be worth rather than the three times we pay here. Excelsior! Oi! PEDRO! DOUBLE EGGO AND CHIPSIO! *He aint listenin', the dago c**t!* Edit: I should add that I will endeavour at all times to wear my Union Jack swimshorts in order to remind more liberal and advanced cultures who used to have a fucking empire eighty years ago, you backward foreign arsehole!!!!!

Had to buy a travel adaptor for going to furrenlandshire. I hope you can drink the water, buy double egg n chips and the straw donkeys are not prohibitively expensive.

Rule The World winning the national @ 33/1. Looked at it, considered it and preferred Holywell. Holywell fell at the second fence. f**k MY LIFE.

Put shoe trees in the new pair for a few days. That'll break them in. Haven't you ever made an absolute c**t of a job like that and then tried the old: "Sorry pet, I'm just hopeless at this...." Works every time. Allegedly.

Oh aye, right enough. You can still get the gazelle o.g. in purple with white /// but I've no idea where from. Helpful bunch aren't we?

I can't think of any adidas in purple that you can get easily. If you happen to chance on a pair of the purple Malmo in your size snap them up, they're pretty rare. Remember and go a full size up, they're excruciatingly small.

They might as well have just put 'Kanye West' on the side of them, as he's the only c**t in the world who's a big enough moron to spend his money on that sort of shite.

Oh, some people need euthanised. I'm with Mengele, lets choose their children and do some experiments. Today of course is a plethora of oh-so-hilarious 'And it's goodbye from him!' lines. f**k OFF.

Have to back TheLip on this one. I'm an enthusiastic Camra member and it's certainly changing. There's plenty of the old guard who purse their lips and tut at craft brewers, but most wholeheartedly embrace beer in real or craft form. I have to admit I've tried a few of the real ales I like in the keg form that seems to be prevalent locally and I reckon the co2 just ruins them. It might be subconscious beer snobbery to be fair.

It depends when you go I always think. Friday and Saturday nights most city centre pubs are full of wanks. Go for an early dinner on a Wednesday or Thursday and you get a different experience.

He must have a wingauntie?

I'm away out for a pint of Trade Winds. #winning

What's the current trend for posting pictures of minions with a hilarious message like: "My family think I'm crazy.....and I AM!!!!!" I'm increasingly frustrated with facebook, it's a social media tool used almost exclusively by absolute morons.

It's really just amusing the way that nothing you ever say on p and b gets forgotten. You'd better come up with something more memorable or you'll end up being 'Slazenger mink' or some other daft nickname. As for suggestions, I'd wear actual shoes to work if I were you. Trainers and trousers has a kind of smelly pensioner look about it.

I remember asking my neice when she got into The Ramones, as I pointed at the Ramones t-shirt she had on. Her reply: "Who?".