I’m 26 and recently been diagnosed with depression and GAD. My life, up until around 4 months ago was always fine. I just lived a normal life with good days and bad days and never really thought too much of it. One day towards the end of July I just had a breakdown and I’ve never been able to get myself out of this feeling of dread and helplessness despite not knowing exactly why I feel like this. I have a very good family, good friends and I’ve recently, by chance, become close to my ex who has done so much for me over the last few months. We broke up for no real reason a year back and I probably don’t deserve her to be there, but she is and she’s brilliant. On paper, everything should be fine but it’s not and my mind just doesn’t stop. I’ve worked in the same place for 7 years, and I don’t really mind it. However I’ve taken more time off (4 individual days) in the last 2 months than the whole time I’ve been there. They’ve been supportive of me, and know I could most likely be signed off so they’re happy for me to just plod along but that’ll only last so long. I recently moved out and I live alone but I’m never really by myself. People are always there, in and out. Not necessarily checking up on me, but just being around because it’s what they’d do regardless. Socially I have given up drinking almost completely. Going from a Friday Saturday Sunday pub goer to having 4 beers over a weekend hasn’t really been as challenging as I thought. I fill my time with TV and talking to people, whether it be in the house or over the phone. I’ve been prescribed 100mg of setraline (?) and some other tablet for GAD that slows my heart rate each day. I didn’t feel as helpless after taking them for a while, but I felt numb and sort of like a non human. I existed but I didn’t really have a feeling. The last week I’ve not taken them, and although I’m more ‘sad’ I feel my ‘happy’ is better when I find it. I could have been considered suicidal for a while, but I have zero intentions of putting the people around me through hell just to get out of it myself. One thing I did that seemed to help short term was make amends with people who I had wronged over the years. I’ve never done anything particularly bad, but my immaturity at a young age probably hurt people more than I thought. I don’t really know why I wrote this, because I honestly don’t know why I feel like this and sometimes feel I have no real reason to, but there you go.