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About BigFatTabbyDave

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    Brutal! Savage! Beyond Perversion!

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    Alloa Athletic
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  1. Calling Cards of Morons

    Once you meet me you'll learn that bad shit is accurate. Best to find out first hand as well though. Nah, we'll just take your word for it.
  2. P&B Trained Killing Machines

    Disappointingly few fantasies about murdering the piss out of other posters so far. How many Bairnardos would it take to overpower a Smudger, and how much would you be prepared to pay someone who claimed they could make this happen for your delectation?
  3. Calling Cards of Morons

    ^^^ wid
  4. The Alloa Athletic Thread

    You're talking noncesense.
  5. Calling Cards of Morons

    There isn't enough for the ladies on this site. Don't worry, I've remembered to order in the correct verdant hue. I love the idea that someone going under the name of a famous deceased philosopher would have a problem with someone else deciding what they'd like to be called. Cherry on the cake would be if Freddy's actually a ladyperson.
  6. Calling Cards of Morons

    Phew; that's another Christmas present sorted. Not sure I'd have believed that a CEO would publicly proclaim that his company sells total crap, but we know how that went. I've not known a huge number of high heid yins, but hubris has been one character trait that they've had in common.
  7. Islam Feruz

    ^^^ what this guy said. Presumably his contract's up at the end of the season. Where now for man raised by puffins?
  8. "You looking forward to your birthday blowjob, love?" "Well, actually...I had something else in mind..."
  9. Ruptured appendix, probably. Was getting fired in to the wife for the first time when it happened. I tried to ride out the pain, but only lasted a couple of minutes (still a personal best). Anyone had a penile fracture? I've heard that's agony, but the wife gave me one years back and it was curiously painless after the initial impact. The emotional pain of seeing my pink torpedo, erect but bent in half with a floppy section in the middle, was pretty bad TBF. Also, anyone actually stepped on a stonefish? Worst pain known to man, according to Drymen's greatest scientific researcher.
  10. Heads Gone (The 8MileBU Awards)

    I think WB is trying to let us know that his missus has a bucket fanny. Or that Billy Dodds is a massive cock? The answer probably lies somewhere between the two.
  11. Next Scotland Manager Mk II

    I didn't remember Scot Gemmill having that odd disgusted sneer when he was a player; right enough, an image search on Google doesn't turn up any pictures of young Scotland displaying any such affect (although there are a couple of alarming hairstyles). It's either a stroke, or he's seen some serious shit since he retired from playing. The kind of things that make a man despise the stupidity of humanity, and despair at the inherent unfairness of life. Presumably he regrets sitting in on those SFA board meetings.
  12. Next Scotland Manager Mk II

    He wasn't considered 'foreign'. Also, remember how half-hearted that was? It reminded me of that Mitchell & Webb sketch about the couple getting married because they couldn't be arsed looking for someone else. Only in this case, one party took a look and steered well clear.
  13. Next Scotland Manager Mk II

    That genuinely seems to be SFA logic.
  14. Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

    Hey, f**k you, man. I was wondering why Welshbairn ended up dumped in the Losers' Club. Presumably Shandon got a mention because nobody could genuinely have an interest in such atrocious footwear.
  15. Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

    ...and what kind of dose you administer, according to a mate. (WTM)