I was down in some wee English seaside town with my pal and we were looking for some scran. We spotted what we thought was a bowling club and went in to see if they did food. We told them we were bowlers and they invited us to join them as they were just sitting down to a five-course meal for fifteen quid. that seemed very reasonable so we sat at the tables. my starter came out reasonably quickly, but then the next course was taking an age, and my pal hadn't had his starter yet. we inquired what was taking so long and we were told he wouldn't get his starter until the other team was batting. turned out it was a cricket club, they'd thought we were spin bowlers. I decided we should leave as we had to get home to on a stag do the day after next and we had to catch a minibus and drive to Poland. My pal refused as he'd paid his fifteen quid and wanted his coronation chicken. I shot the craw and then realised I hadn't done any washing but i'd have to pack clean clothes for the stag do. I then acquired two massive lettuce leaves and a leek, and cut the panels for a short-sleeved shirt out of the lettuce, used strips of the leek to tape the seams, and sewed it together. Then I went and caught a bus. It was a 1970s double-decker, red. We were travelling along at a fair rate through the English countryside when the driver of the bus suddenly got up and started waving a gun at the passengers. It was Mel Gibson as Mad Max, I realised, and became worried that he'd find my lettuce shirt and eat it, so I jooked down behind the seat back so he wouldn't see me. He got a ham sandwich from a chunky lad in the back seat and I decided to take control of the bus while he was distracted. I jumped into the empty drivers seat but Mad Max had cut the brakes and glued the accelerator down. I dodged a Morris Minors and crashing through a hedge and onto a go-kart track, which just made things worse as a Leyland bus with the accelerator glued down doesn't handle too well. Destroyed their tyre walls, but managed to get back on the road, when Max appeared and pointed the gun at my head.
Then the alarm went off.