Deanburn Dave

Square sausage.....

Oven not working on Thursday. Bought a new heater element and fitted it in 20 minutes. #DIYlegend

Stella Artois is a vile brew. Best poured straight down toilets........miss out the middle man.

I switched on for about 1 minute last night, sussed out the tone of despair in the room and switched off with my soul intact.

Dog owners who think it's acceptable to pick up their dog poo in a bag and then throw the poo bag into a bush.

Football substitutes never being ready to go on the pitch. You see at the highest level substitutes fannying about for 5 minutes putting on shinpads and tape before they can go on the pitch.

You weren't supposed to pick up on that Jeff. Smoke and Mirrors is the Tory strategy.

Where there's a will there's a way....... which is why I am 100% convinced there will not be agreement reached.

South African side signing their national anthem. Loud and flat !!!

For goodness sake man think of our poor prisoners......are they not suffering enough without an influx of sexual predators.

All the parties appear to be having a squeaky bum time just now.

Hand driers in toilets which have the blowing power of an asthmatic tortoise.

Reading my way through the Eagles of the Empire series by Simon Scarrow. Cannot beat a good Roman sword and sandals story.

Davis will crack when a big giant German offers him some magic beans.

Took the Queensferry Crossing just before 9 heading North and it was a steady 40mph . Coming back South about 3pm it was crawling from about a mile before the bridge. Appeared to be feck all reason for this sorry state of affairs.

Hip flask sounds awfy posh....top tip for the poor:- wear Football socks to a wedding. You can easily get a standard half bottle of vodka in each sock. This doesn't work so well with kilts !!

Only if you are auditioning for a clown vacancy.

Looking at the style of moustaches on the Armadale women it looks closer to 30 years.

Laughing at footage of Trump in Saudi Arabia dancing the "war dance" while waving his sword. What a wally........but he probably thinks it's worth it as he flogs the Saudi's 270 BILLION dollars worth of weapons.

Out walking around Bo'ness this evening and have seen a Great Spotted Woodpecker, a Jay, Goldfinches, a wagtail and a cracking yellowhammer singing it's heart out.

Cheese and pickle sandwiches are tasty but for a wee change try a nice sliced strong Cheddar on white bread with strawberry jam. Also works well with raspberry jam. Once you have mastered the cheese/jam ratio the branston pickle jar will be consigned to the back of the cupboard. And if you are a ham,cheese and pickle sandwich person get wacky with ham, cheese and cranberry sauce. #Delicous

SNP supporter me thinks.

Train station names in English and Gaelic. Camelon and in the gaelic "Camalan" ? What a waste of money.

You're paying for something on the phone and they ask for the last 3 digits of the security number on the back........ Is there a reason why the cards have several numbers on the back when everybody appears to only want the last 3 numbers ?

Used to love a Curly Wurly and got my hands on some Curly Wurly Squirlies which resemble chocolate worms. Wish I hadn't bothered. Rubbish chocolate around some uninspiring tasteless caramel. Reckon worms dipped in proper chocolate would taste better.