Ric

I bought my nephew a jigsaw for his birthday. The little bugger managed to plug it in and cut off three of his fingers...

I was genuinely shocked yesterday when I witnessed a woman being denied service until she removed her Burka. I was about to complain to the manager about the lack of cultural insensitivity until I remembered I was in a hairdressers.

I've just found out the founder of eBay has died. He had a quiet life, except for the last 2 minutes where everything went mental.

I put my head between my knees and move forward... That's just the way I roll..

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his food before it was cool..

So that's 20 years since Nirvana's "Nevermind" was released in the UK. I tell you what; that Kurt Cobain was an oppionated lad, always willing to shoot his mouth off...

As troops battle for Gaddafi's home town reports are coming in that he's slipped into Jordan. Seriously is there anyone Katie Price won't shag?

So I was stopped on the street and tapped up for charity. "£3 will buy water, food and clothing for a child in the 3rd world, that's just the price of a sandwich", he said. And true enough, it does make you think. £3 for a fucking sandwich?

Met an old friend the other day and asked him what he was doing. "Feeding the unemployed, destitute and mentally handicapped of the country", he said. "Ooh, you work for a charity?" I asked. He replied, "No, I'm a chef at Wetherspoons."

I wish I could tell jokes, but I always punch up the fųck line...

A friend has been sacked from being a lollipop man for stealing. I didn't believe it but once I saw his house all the signs were there...

I bought my young nephew a jigsaw for his birthday recently. Imagine my surprise to find out he had plugged it in and cut all his fingers off...

I bought a Bonnie Tyler model a while back, but every now and then it falls apart.

Saw someone rob a dwarf the other day, I can't believe someone stooped so low...