This goes on a bit and a few debatable ones - probably missed someone obvious for a few positions.
EDIT: Fully appreciate there will be a tl;dr approach from most folk to this.
GK - David Cornell: We've been relatively lucky with goalies this decade (cue guffaws from opposition fans about Samson). Cornell started off in Danny Lennon's final season and looked pretty hopeless. His kicking was rubbish and he wasn't much better at saving. Was binned after a few games and sent back to Swansea come January.
RB – Craig Reid: Perhaps a bit unfair but we've had pretty good rightbacks this decade such as David van Zanten, Liam Smith and Paul McGinn. Reid came on loan when Iain Murray was in charge as our other rightbacks were injured or suspended. Didn't help things by getting sent off on his debut against Falkirk. Wasn't terrible, wasn't great and kinda ends up here by default.
CB – Cole Kpekawa: One of Alan Stubbs many signings from down south. Had previously been sold for a six figure sum by at least one club, he looked good on his debut against Kilmarnock in the League Cup but we soon realised why he'd bounced round so many clubs. Gash. Got hooked against Livi in August and not sure if he was seen again. Binned come January and I think he ended the season at Billericay.
CB – Josh Heaton: A very, very expensive mistake. Stubbs paid Darlington £75,000 for him amid interest from other clubs after he impressed in the Jamie Vardy Academy. Looked out of his depth against Spartans (ironic considering he'd come from the English non-league) and I don't think he made a league appearance for us. When it turned out he was pish, claims mysteriously started appearing that we didn't pay £75,000 for him after all and that was the final figure with add-ons – despite the club trumpeting him as our most expensive signing for a quarter of a decade. Punting out on loan to some English lower-league backwater then told to piss off in the summer. Now bouncing around the English lower leagues, recently emptied by Bradford Park Avenue for saying not very nice things on Twitter.
LB – Luke Conlan: Like Reid, came in the Murray era and ends up here by default as we've had guys like Paul Dummett and Adam Eckersley playing leftback. Came on loan from Burnley and didn't look very good. Sent off against Morton before the end of August and I don't think he was seen again. His most useful contribution was getting called up to an under-21 squad, meaning we had enough players away to get a game postponed. Binned come January. Honourable mention to Danny Grainger, who was shite and spent half his time with us tweeting about his love for Hearts.
RM – Jamie McCluskey: Gets the nod because Adam Drury at least scored some goals. Liked a stepover and was very small but most remembered for celebrating a Celtic goal while watching the Old Firm game in the Saints dressing room – a moment caught by the BT cameras.
CM – Kyle Hutton (captain for ultimate shiteness): f**k off, keep fucking off then f**k off some more. How the hell this boy ended up on the books of Rangers is beyond me. One of the worst players I've ever seen and part of Alex Rae's staunch signing policy. Think his last appearance was against Morton when he made it quite clear he didn't want the ball. Not sure how many times the phrase “but he was Queen of the South's player of the season last year” was trotted out by straw-clutching fans on our forums (he'd won one of the near double figure awards available). Think he was sent out on loan even before January, then binned for good in the summer. Part of the Dumbarton side that lost to our under-20s this season.
CM – Eric Djemba-Djemba: It should probably be Stuart Carswell but Djemba-Djemba is more memorable. Signed in a blaze of glory and became a cult hero with his flat cap. Looked rubbish on his debut, gave away a penalty the following week and that was that. Had lovely, soft feet according to Danny Lennon.
LM – Jeff King: Not sure if he was actually a winger and don't care. Another of Stubbs' attempts to prove that English reserve and non-league side players are capable of playing in the Scottish Premiership. Not sure when or where he disappeared to once Stubbs went.
CF – Stephane Bahoken: Probably worse strikers played for us in the decade that merit inclusion more (Yoann Arquin and James Marwood) but I don't think they went AWOL midway through their loan spell. Looked pish on his debut, didn't get any better and buggered off come November. His loan deal was ended but his French club didn't want him so he came back, made one appearance then got “injured” and wasn't seen again. Unbelievably has turned into a decent striker in the French top flight despite barely looking like a footballer when with us.
CF – Nicola Brock-Madsen: Yet another of the Stubbs shite we got lumbered with. His track record looked pish, Birmingham wanted shot of him and he had not enjoyed a previous loan spell somewhere after moaning about the air quality. Made a few appearances, looked shite and wasn't prepared to fight for his place after his loan ended so off he fucked.