Le Tout P'ti FC

Expletive expletive expletive referee! Never a free kick. Oh look it’s Higgsy about to hit it. He used to play with me at Hibs before I went to Berwick. He was crap. HAHAHA he missed. I can’t wait to noise him up tonight. He missed a free kick. What a expletive expletive expletive. [Goes silent for a blissful moment to check phone.] Silence broken by shouted at volume you would only use if you were stood beside a runway: oh my god Colchester 2 Scunthorpe 1. Chelsea are getting beat by Northampton. I can’t believe this, I can’t believe this. Oh god, now Norwich have equalised against Ilfracombe. [Meanwhile Bonnyrigg have scored. They missed it.] Check their phones to find out who scored. Then: I told you Kerr Young would score today. I told you! Then starts shouting at the steward. Is this your first game? You’re my lucky mascot! They go on like this at full volume for entire weeks of your life during the first half alone. That’s the second time I’ve been near them this season, I am cursed.

It’s a lovely wee room. You enter at the bottom of the lane on the opposite side of the road from the big room entrance. The room itself is under the railway arches. Tiny wee room but I really enjoyed the nights I’ve been in there.

That will probably prove to be a good point for Bonnyrigg today in bogging weather against a team who started today in 2nd place. Bonnyrigg started off strongly, and were deserving of the lead taken from yet another Lee Currie dead ball. But eventually Peterhead took control of the game and equalised from a cracking free kick. Bonnyrigg hit the post late on, and then Peterhead were robbed of a certain penalty at the death by a hilariously bad refereeing decision. The Peterhead striker was fouled by just the two Bonnyrigg defenders simultaneously, one of whom had started his lunge from the Justinlees. Couple of niggly things about the crowd today: There are two incredibly annoying guys who turn up at a very occasional Bonnyrigg game and massively irritate everybody within earshot. Just a constant stream of high pitched drunken ranting, shouted swearing incessantly, shouting out random score updates as their coupons inevitably go under, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. The louder of the two always makes it known he used to play for Berwick, and he always has some “mate” out on the pitch whom he shouts at in his attention seeking way. You can invariably locate them by the sight of a widening circle around them. Well, today, they ended up right beside me for the first half, which was genuinely worse than a tooth extraction. The Ultras and the visitors swapped ends at HT in the old fashioned way. Was then a bit surprised to see a Bonnyrigg official having words with the 10-15 Peterhead fans who had assembled down at the Calderwood end for the second half. I’d been stood 15 feet away from them and they hadn’t bothered a soul until then. He was telling them they shouldn’t be there, which seemed overly officious to me. (Crowd was quite low today and the end they were occupying had about five other people who, like myself, presumably had no issue whatsoever with them being there.) I did then see some heated words were exchanged between the Bonnyrigg goalie and the visiting fans at FT. Not sure what prompted it as I’d moved away at the whistle. I would have had a perfect vantage of it one minute earlier. Anyway, not a bad game under the circumstances of a sodden pitch, and makes the next home game vs Spartans look very important indeed now in terms of keeping in touch with the final play off spot.

Riverside Road, Thurso. Painted onto the wall of a Scottish Water plant. Also another “Banksy” on the back wall of the Toll Gallery in Thurso (the back wall which faces into Thurso FC’s ground). Nobody knows if it was the real Banksy or not. I thought it was fantastic regardless.

Currently in Dundee to watch Arab Strap. First venue I’ve been to with the ampersand since the good old days of Sunday night karaoke at the Coach & Horses back in 19… It certainly is different. The tone of the evening was set earlier when the dog was ordering pints at the bar. Next gig: Arab Strap in Gala. Sort of home game. So I’ll be there.

Coming to the end of a long weekend dotting about. Managed to fit Inverness, Thurso, Ullapool, Cromarty and Oban into the weekend. Hopefully still with time enough to get over to Easedale tomorrow. Roads have been empty everywhere all weekend, as was the train to Thurso. Was delighted to see an otter in Ullapool, and a ridiculous number of deer as well. Perfect time of year to get up here. It fairly empties out and I haven’t seen a single camper van.

Plan A: Forres P Brechin P. Plan B: Nairn P Huntly P. Plan C Clach P Locos P. At this point I admitted defeat, and went to the rugby instead. My local(ish) team Biggar are visiting Highland so I thought I would come and lend them some support. Twenty five minutes in and I’m already deeply bored and hatching an escape plan. Rugby is just not my game. I’ve tried to get on with it occasionally, but it’s just unlikeable for my tastes. Anyway, tremendous facility here at Canal Park, and good to see the referee has honoured the forfeit he must have signed up to by wearing that kit. Maybe he’s fundraising? Or packed his kit bag in a hurry last night during a power cut? Ps. I do realise Caley are playing Raith a few miles away. Just didn’t fancy it. Too high up the leagues for me, I’d get a nosebleed. Also I can get a pint here and don’t have to sit in a crappy plastic seat in these temperatures.

In Nitten, Arniston are affectionately known as The Germans. Which famous German artist could have drawn this? Of course, it can only be Otto Dix.

That’s appalling. There’s barely a game left on tomorrow, including artificial surfaces, yet your game was only called at kick off time. I’m in Inverness and was intending to head to Forres v Brechin but at least I know it’s off already. Doubtful I’ll pick up a replacement as it’s brutally cold tonight.

Curdled milk in Coatdykes.

Is Thurso FC the only football team to have a Banksy? (Might not be the real Banksy, although the town claims to have two!)

Damn shame you will have to get yourself down to Groucho’s to buy his back catalogue to find out any more about him.

I haven’t been there for a game in 15-20 years now, but I do remember they wore green that day. Quite a quirky ground with its setting on a disused air base!

Road to Hampden continues at a frozen Townhead Park. Here for the Cover Story, stayed for the fitba etc.

At Clyde v Jeanfield Swifts. Massively troubled by the formatting of the race night poster in the Vaults pre-game. Albeit enjoying its fanzine style layout. Good game, Jeanfield slightly ahead on chances but 0-0 HT. Clyde rattled the post with a Hotshot Hamish thunderbolt and I still don’t quite know how it stayed out. My eyes told me it was in all the way until it wasn’t. Finished 2-0 Clyde, after a good second half performance from Clyde. Good cup tie.

My Papa has scribbled on the back “Father, bottom right (John Martin), season 1912/13 (?)”. We’ve since worked out my Great Grandad was about 20 when this was taken, if it was 1913, so a juvenile team sounds unlikely if the date is accurate. It is a bit of a mystery as I also thought the players looked younger (no moustaches!). But then again, my Dad has also found a Killie team photo from that era (1913/14) and none of those players sport a moustache either. We’ll never know whether that photo with my Great Grandad was taken of the Vics, some sort of Vics youth team, or another team entirely. I’m just really chuffed that it has been found in the mystery family museum box! What else lies within?

Snazzy Vics tie.

Absolutely delighted to discover my Great Grandad played for Irvine Vics in 1910s. Photo here has scribbled on the back “season 1912/13”. He married in 1920, we’re trying to figure out which age group this photo may have been. Also a very snazzy Vics tie has been found in the family museum (i.e. the big box of stuff my Dad has inherited). Will post a separate photo of that due to file size.

Vintage Rose performance tonight. Either Holland 1988 or AC Milan 1990s levels of flair and elegance on display. Easily despatched the East Fifers 4-2, which was a million miles better than the Forfar and Elgin performances. First goal was an excellent finish by Smart, who had a terrific game and may have scored a few more on a different day. Second came from an unstoppable free kick from Currie. (It dribbled in much to the surprise of all.) Third was the most stonewall penalty you might ever see. (He tripped over his own shadow, albeit the referee could not have been closer so I suspect he saw something grievous.) Then Big Kieran came on to bayonet the wounded, and won a penalty with his first involvement in the game, as a scrum of Fifers manhandled him like he was being escorted out of Peppermint Park by a particularly belligerent bouncer. Big gap has now opened up between Bonnyrigg and Clyde, and hopefully Bonnyrigg can now look upwards towards the play offs. Good game tonight, glad I dragged myself out the house.

All isn’t well in that team. Very flat performance today. One win in seven league games now. Roll on the East Fifers on Tuesday…

Elgin City 2 Bonnyrigg Rose 0. Loved the trip, loved the park, loved the pies. The game? Not so good. Would happily come back here again and again. It reminds me a little bit of Brockville.

Not the average Bonnyrigg game this. Currently at Lossiemouth Beach, which is absolutely hoaching. Significantly more attractive place to be than the only beach I know of in Bonnyrigg, i.e. the Sunset Beach tanning studio at the old Staiside Inn. Looking forward to the game now, albeit, as with many such trips, I suspect the football is just a distraction from the real fun of getting away!

Pretty good. Once I’d settled down for a sleep inside the gold plated toilet block the night went well.

When the fixture list came out, I booked a wee weekend up in Elgin for this weekend’s titanic tussle. I was partly expecting/fearing a relegation 27-pointer but pleasingly Bonnyrigg seem to have done “ok” so far this season, whilst Elgin have done “not so ok”. Will be only my fourth Bonnyrigg game this season, although I did see the 5-1 game against Elgin at NDP. (My last game was at Pilton where I was the only person attending not filming a match vlog.) Anyway, I’m here in Elgin, and standing patiently inside Borough Briggs waiting for the rest of the crowd to arrive. It’s absolutely hammering down with rain tonight. Bring your wellies! Picture: Elgin ultras building the atmosphere outside the Muckle Cross as word spreads that Big Kieran is coming to town.

Denis. Have 30 minutes between trains in Aberdeen. Time enough to bow before the Law, and grab a pint.