TheDoctor

WAY-HAY!!!!!

Still up, toilet still fucked and haven't had coffee since 3am. But I've sent Mrs Doctor out for supplies

Now the milk in my fridge is off, despite only buying it yesterday morning and it saying 9th July on it. As if this isn't a long enough shift as it is

Having to stay up all night because my toilet's in danger of overflowing, thanks to a problem in the cistern and I have to flush the b*****d every five minutes. Whooppee-fuckin-doo!! EDIT TO SAY: It won't get fixed until the morning either

The wee dick that got on the bus this morning, planked himself next to me and tried to read my FourFourTwo magazine over my shoulder. I actually heard him tut when I turned the page at one point. By your own, ya pikey b*****d!

How true, caps! I'm losing weight sitting here in the heat, so it has its benefits I suppose

I know how you feel, dude. My brother's 20 next week and it seems like only yesterday he was farting and throwing up everywhere. Hold on, he still does that now...

American golf fans at the US Open on Sky Sports and their insistence on shouting "GET IN THE HOLE!!" after every shot played and they do it in every tournament. What is that all about?

You need to get yourself an iPod mate. Drowns all that shit out

Have you been drinking that EXTRA strong coffee again, Kilt? Or something a little stronger

This South Africa v New Zealand game is barely a quarter of an hour old and I'm bored to tears already

Be a little more tender. These things need some care and you'll get the splash of favour you'll be yearning for ...so I'm told

Time of the f***in' day What about it?

It's people that use umbrellas when it's raining AND there are heavy winds. What's the point in that? The thing's only going to get blown inside out and you'll get wet anyway. I didn't realise I was such a crabbit bugger this morning

Oh, no! It must be a shame having to sleep in till friggin' lunchtime and not be able to sleep at night My PTTGOYN is people moaning about how they've slept half the day and can't sleep at night. One word would cure all that: a fucking job!! (That's three words, but I don't give a f**k) I'm away for coffee....

The fact that you felt compelled to clear that up amuses me

She must have been a looker then...

capybara hasn't been on yet with his daily whine. It's as traditional to me in the morning as breakfast, coffee and a w**k (one of those isn't true)

"however, feel free to lend a hand if you wish"

Don't you type that in that tone of voice! Now I'm hacked off...

It's almost like your sitting around waiting on something to grind your gears...

If only. Well and truly buggered I'm afraid

My laptop died on me last night. I think I may have to call in a priest to administer the last rites. Goodbye old friend

Like it

Now there are two words I'd never thought I'd see in the same sentence Only kidding, pal