dundeebarry

Someone must have hit meltdown by now. Nae danger this has been going for nine hours and everyone's still in good shape. The lounge lizard hour approaches. Tacheman will be slithering out from his lair and a motley crew of P&Bers is still out on patrol. Should their paths cross this night will become the stuff of P&B legend. Your place in history awaits, subcrawlers. Make us proud.

I won't be coming down for it. Would love to, and when it was first suggested I was game, but I've got a few things on toward the end of the month that I'll have to keep the finances in check for. Good luck, lads and lasses. Have fun, and somebody look after Nizzy for me.

Chances are you might also own a Morton top, Dunning. A wee trip to Stetson Joe's on Greenock High Street and it's fucking on, man.

A brilliant idea, but people would start asking questions when the third xbl turned up. If shenanigans were afoot I'd probably show up in a Morton top and 10 gallon Stetson, employing a southern drawl to inform folk I was Swampy. They'd be on to me in about 15 minutes when they realised I wasn't nearly smart enough to be the man himself.

Something Ecto'd this way comes... This lassie is a fine specimen of the 'Old School', a pure strain of True Raver. Observe the white gloves. She's not wearing those because she's a mime act, she's wearing them because she's Hardcore. Observe not only the Rez vest, but the Rez logo tattoo. This dame fucking kens. She's paid £25 for an Eccie. She's danced for 19 consecutive hours in an abandoned warehouse in Ayrshire. She's fucked every Bam Dancer in a half mile radius under the pretence of it being the Second Summer of Love, and the bairns she fired out as a result are all named after techno DJs she saw at the FUBAR. Moby! Yer fuckin' tea's oot! If you were to shout, "Whistle posse - MAKE SOME FACKING NOISE," at her she'd instinctively go tonto and start bellowing the song of her people, which is a high-pitched screech that could fell entire flocks of geese flying south from the winter at heights up to 3000 ft. If you could stop her jaw swinging long enough for her to engage in conversation, every single sentence coming out her near-toothless mouth would be prefixed or suffixed with the phrase "back in the day". Hardcore, you know the score, oggy-oggy-oggy, oi-oi-oi. Just when I was warming to this saucer-eyed buffoon I clocked the 'tiocfaidh ár lá' on her arm and thought much, much less of her. "Our day will come," indeed. I'd hate to be the one to burst her Ecto-bubble and inform her day is long gone. Still: Rave on, sister. Rave the f**k on.

Great photo.

Groups of people out drinking with matching t-shirts with their name on the back are, by-and-large, one step above folk who advocate cock fighting on the 'people to avoid like the plague' scale. I'm not even talking a big step here either, it's marginal. The wee eastern European woman who flog flashing pink Stetsons and single red roses are going to have a field day here. It's a phree monee bonanza when the matching t-shirt brigades are in town. ETA That said... If Tacheman can be hunted down, presented with a t-shirt with his own 'I'D TAP IT' meme from the Horrific Club Photo thread, told to wear it and BE PHOTOGRAPHED WEARING IT AND THAT PHOTO EVENTUALLY BE POSTED IN THE THREAD HIS LEGEND CAME TO LIGHT...it would be the best thing ever. Sorry about the shouting but I really am that excited at the prospect of such a thing happening.

f**k sake, forameus, I thought we were about to be treated to a photo of the lassie's undies hanging out to dry in the spoilers there. I'm not sure what's worse: the disappointment, or the slightly depraved feeling rising as a result of being disappointed about such a thing.

Question for those who felt it would be a nice gesture to ask your good lady's father for her hand in marriage: do you plan on doing the same if you want a divorce? It's not quite as traditional a practice, but if you go into it keeping things honourable I think it's only right you get out the same way. Who has the eggs to say something to the effect of, "Hear, big stuff, ken what? Lightbulb. Nah, just kidding - I want to leave your daughter. I'm baw-deep in this burd from work who I reckon I can step things up a gear with when I'm single, and your young lass is much more of a psycho c**t than I ever gave her credit for. You all right with me bailing out?"

Fuckin' hud that, Jason Scott. Telt!!

With regard to this Electric Scarecrow character, I read a story about him on a Glasgow-based clubbing forum a couple of years ago. A guy posted that he was out on the lash with a few mates when they spotted ES. With a mind to learning about him and having a laugh they invited him to join them, drinks gratis. ES took them up on the offer. Initial impressions were that the boy was sound, harmless in his eccentricity, but had at some point flipped his dial. While he was sharp and articulate he spouted some heavy duty spaced out chat. Good company though. Hours later the boys procured some coke and pills, and they all got wired in. As the guy and his mates started talking drugged-up shite closer to ES's level, ES went the other way: the more fucked up he got, the more sensible, more "normal", he became. He told them about his past. ES comes from an affluent, middle class family and upbringing. He was totally straight-peg most of days until some kind of "f**k it" moment caused by parental issues (which remained undisclosed but the impression was they were heavy) saw him "flip the switch" on purpose and become the zany, apparent nutball Glasgow punters are familiar with. The boy turned his back on what he knew as normality in favour of turning the crazy hoses on full blast, and a transition in how he lived his life took place. The guy who told the story said it was all a bit strange. ES left them to it and they were all more freaked out by the boy with his guard down and out of character than being the Electric Scarecrow. How blurred his lines really are, the guy couldn't say. Should he ever really lose his shit and embrace violence it's likely to take Batman to stop the c**t. It was an interesting perspective. The forum on which I read this is now defunct, so no links I'm afraid.

I'm sure the families of the deceased take real comfort in the fact Batman grieves with them.

This is as good a chance as any to get a squad of our lot onto the Horrific Club Photo thread. Make it happen, people. P&B Hero status surely awaits.

He's surely the weirdest thing launched in order to play an active role in the proceedings. United fans' claims of dominance in the city fall down at the "Who's ugliest?" stage every single time.

Yes. It's a "good luck" tradition of some sort. The best "let's hurl something weird on the playing surface" attempts are, in my opinion: 1. A pig's head - Barca fans getting Luis Figo telt about the whole signing for Real thing. 2. A moped - Inter Milan (I think) fans chucked one out the stand at the San Siro. No idea why. No. 2 has to be the winner. How did they get that through the turnstile? You can't get a moped in under your jacket. (Prove me wrong, Mythbusters. Prove me wrong). You can't get a tin of juice in Dens, yet Inter fans are somehow getting mopeds in? Crazy.

Like getting the subbies on to replace weary legs and fucking off early because your team's shite and you could do with a fag, cannibalism is very much a second half activity, J. Rare to see man eating another man's flesh during the first half at the futba, even at the famed terror dome SUPER DUNDONIAN NIGHTMARE call home, The Boneyard. The first half's all about mass tribal drumming and trying to keep Kamala under control.

Triumph over adversity for sure, TRS. Div may be skilled in the ways of running websites but he's clearly some kind of demented party-pooper. If he turns up later we should fall silent and pretend we're not in until he leaves and goes back to whatever horror bald St Mirren fans with websites call their daily routine. If he starts throwing his cyber-boss weight around we'll start a splinter website where football takes a back seat to hip hop, German porn and the unlikely aural delight of combining the two together. Wu Tang killer bees - we're on the porn.

It's a good tune indeed, Philpy. It's one of Dr Dre's though, not Ice Cube. Check yo self befo yo wreck yo self, P Dog. I played it on YouTube there and upon hearing the laid back groove of one of Dre's classics complimented with German voices talking and a variety of moans and groans, thought I'd selected some obscure remix instead of the single mix. Turns out it was just blending in with the porn I've got on the go in another browser. True story. We can take turns DJing the perty thread. If you're doing a hip hop set it's worth checking out 'Sodomie Royale 2' on the Empflix website, it works surprisingly and quite amusingly well in the mix. Credit where it's due, the Germans ken their way around the female rectum. I'll do 'Come On Eileen' and a Russ Abbot mega mix. If shit gets serious - and it might, P Dog - I'm skilled in two-browser YouTube mixing of progressive house classics and the perty bangers your mother would warn you about should she ever go clubbing and see the nick people are getting in dancing to that shit. I'll keep my eye on the post count of Buddie and yourself. With a bit of subtle coordination we can go into the thread on 4999 each and make the landmark posts together. Failing that, I'll just see you lads in there. Rave safe.

Do you ever have a "Scottish moment" and turn into a screaming, swearing man driven half-daft by the shite on the pitch? Like you would at Cappielow I envisage the US game to be a little more "family friendly" and not taken to the often-tonto level the Scottish fan does over f**k all, really. I can't imagine US fans singing songs like we do, and by that I mean ones like Dundee's "Old McDonald" that ends in thousands of people bellowing "Baldy headed c**t" in unison. The game in the US is young; in time they will learn to hate as we do. Feel the power of the Dark Side, America. Aye, I believe that's the one. Out the group of half a dozen boys who were to attend they had to draw straws to see who went three hours early to reserve a space on the terracing. It filled up early, hit fever pitch and stayed that way. My pal said it was like being in a tribe about to go to war or something. Plus they were all battering into coke, weed and beer, which probably gave it an additional edge. f**k, I did coke on top of a few doobs in the bog at Tyncastle once and spent the whole game freaking out about the weird looks a steward was giving me, so f**k knows what a proper fierce and intense atmosphere would be like.

Cheers. I'm afraid to say there is no bunnet at my end. It's all about the Dawson over my way.... You could torture people with that. Strap 'em down, pin their eyelids back and go Clockwork Orange on their mind. In years to come repeats of Dawson's Creek would have you curled up in a ball, wretching and squealing for mercy. Much like repeats of Big Break do now. A snooker-based show hosted by a fucking racist. Prime time entertainment!!

If you stare at it long enough the Dawson's Creek theme tune starts coming out the distance like a foul wind. I don't wanna wait..........for this life to be over............ I think we can all agree Dawson's no' a bad looking lad. I'm certainly comfortable enough in my own skin to give Jim Van der Beek or whatever the greetin' c**t's called his handsome props. Pacey edges it though. I preferred Katie Holmes to the blonde dame in the show too, so perhaps I'm just a brunette man. Reese's are fucking amazing. It's the one bit of chocolate I tasted in the US and thought was as good, if not better, than market favourites over this way. The wee shop at the top of my street is doing two packets for a pound. I ditched the milk and bog roll I was meant to be buying and went baws oot on the Cups. My breakfast cereal and ringpiece hygiene are suffering as a result, but my sweet tooth's living large. Do you attend the FC Dallas matches at all? One thing I regret not doing on my travels is going to see futba while I was in various places I probably could've done. A mate of mine I went and met in Guatemala a few years back attended a derby match of some description with some local lads he made friends with. Said it was fucking brilliant. When the teams came out the place erupted in fireworks, smokebombs and noise. By the time the smoke cleared and every c**t settled down to "here, let's watch the game" levels it was approaching half time. When his adopted team scored early in the second half there was bedlam more fitting of a revolutionary riot than a lower league local match. Gutted I missed it.

You can fair churn them out, chief, and as I said earlier the content is generally always of excellent value. It's spread over a fairly wide range of topics too. I cyber-doff my bunnet to you. That .25 was braw by the way. It's attention to detail and a level of accuracy that round-it-up-to-two c***s like myself can't touch.