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Everything posted by dundeebarry

  1. I hit the bookies today and threw mad cash at Dundee to win, Moussa to score anytime, Hooly to cry anytime, a Derry pitch invasion after the fourth goal which, bizarrely, will be scored by a deeply emotional Hooly, and more than seven corners. I got odds of 4/7 on it, because Ladbrokes ken all that shit is highly likely. Thankyou.
  2. Dundee have Dundee'd the f**k out this situation. Which, as ever, is as commendable as it is entertaining. I reckon he changed his mind because Nelms offered him a wardrobe filled with the highly stylish and fetching cardigans Oor Neil was rocking on match days. Money talks, but cardigans fucking shout.
  3. This is up there with ideas such as fielding a hologram Albert Kidd in games against Hearts and bringing back Caballero.
  4. The whole ball has to cross the line.
  5. God help Neil McCann's wife. Her mad shagger of a husband is demanding enough in the bedroom at the best of times. Tonight he's coming home with an unprecedented erection, a resurgent Scott Bain and a docile but eager Marcus Haber. All three will have their fun. Bain will keep his goalie gloves on throughout. I'll be keeping an eye out for new additions to Pornhub's "Derry Rhumba" category in the hope they film and share the action. Dundee FC: Staying up.
  6. Be interesting to see what physical approach McCann takes, also. Will he be a dugout-leaner or a technical area patroller?He may even choose to run the show from the tv gantry, as that's where he's most used to watching the match from.
  7. Sounds like a title for a sitcom. Hartley moping about being shite at stuff, everything going wrong. Burning the toast, stubbing his toe, slipping on a banana skin. He doesn't talk, he just becomes increasingly miserable until it finishes with a close-up of his pus for one final weary sigh and slump of the shoulders. A jingly theme tune comes on as the end credits roll. Poor Paul.
  8. His attitude is no doubt at the heart of it. For whatever reason, he gives less of a f**k and it shows. Which is a real shame, because he has been and still can be a brilliant goalie. Speaking of goalies, my wee brother works for an oil company up in Aberdeen. He text me during the week to say Jim Leighton was in his work selling lifeboats. Jim Leighton is a lifeboat salesman. Apparently he still greases his napper with Vaseline, tae. Seems unnecessary to me, but maybe sweat still threatens one's eyes when you sell fucking boats for a living. I text him back saying I might enjoy receiving a lifeboat as a present. I eagerly anticipate my next birthday.
  9. This is a little controversial, but Bain has conceded goals that have made me consider the possibility he's purposefully not trying as hard as he might. Like he did enough to make an effort to make a save but didn't go 100% at it. It is most likely wildly misplaced and inaccurate, but my gut feeling has suggested there's something amiss with him.
  10. Hiya pal! Long time no speak, I trust you're well. Apologies if you already used that aine. It was almost too obvious, I suspected it may have been done. "Why am I not surprised" was unwarranted and I expect an apology, you shite-futba-teamed c**t.
  11. I took a moment to consider Papa Shango's voodoo penis there, Boo. I haven't done that in weeks. Thank you for the reminder.
  12. "Lads, the name's Neil McCann, not Neil McCannot. Think about that. Also, if any of you were born in Edinburgh in the mid-to-late 90s there's a 87% statistical chance I'm your dad. Get out there and do it for your old man."
  13. Neil McCann has previous for answering the emergency hotline and sorting shit out for Dundee. We've grabbed him out the telly and thrust him into the midst of a crisis with teckle results before, and as such his appointment as Big Chief at Dens makes absolute perfect sense. Good luck, Neil McCann. As an aside, Neil "Big Chief" McCann has a reputation as a top shagger. There's no denying he's a suave looking c**t. Those suits he rocks on the telly aren't from Primark, they are at least from an M&S outlet store and possibly even Slaters. Well dressed is well prepared, aye. Rumour has it that he pumped half of Edinburgh when he played for Herts. I personally ken seven people from the nation's capital and five of them admit to taking a length off the Big Chief. Two of them are straight males. One is mildly disabled. Neil McCann doesn't give a f**k. Dundee FC: Staying up.
  14. Controversial as it may be, I'm of the opinion Jim McLean is the man to step in and sort shit out at Dens. 107 years old and demented as he may be, the baldy f**k has pedigree. Decent player in his day, tae. If he steps in as player/manger him and Gowser would form a formidable midfield.
  15. I have the basis of a special edition update to the Leigh Griffiths Blog in my head already, should the situation take a turn for the Jocky. I'm good to go here, Twinkle. I'm just waiting on word from Davie Nelms, or whatever the American c**t's called, before getting tore in.
  16. Jocky's sitting by the phone waiting for the call. He's dinghying bank holiday Monday at the Fairmuir just in case. That's a mental night at the clubbie, tae.
  17. I know a lassie who once attended a perty at Davie Teckledong's abode. Over the course of the evening she (willingly) sucked his cock not once but twice and, quite fucking savagely, pinched his Sky remote before leaving. Two blowjobs or not, that's bad etiquette.
  18. I'll take you to another level you accusations-of-gingerism c**t. My honky-fro is clearly, CLEARLY, of a light brown shade. I will send you hair samples to prove as much if necessary. That aside it was a fine post, Dindeleux. Your rendition of P&B history took me back to good days. It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era...the kind of peak that never comes again. The 1st Division forum around 2009-10 was a very special time and place to be part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run. There was madness in every thread, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning.We had all the momentum, we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave.In site of VikingTON being a c**t, which was often difficult. Five years and more later you can go up a steep hill in the General Nonsense forum and look east,and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high water mark, the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back. I'll fucking ginger you ya c**t
  19. Just received a fax from man-in-the-know Jim Spence there, apparently Davie Dodds has packed his trunk and is making his way to the circus that is Tannadice with a determined look on his terrifyingly hideous pus. Whether this is to take up a role as manager or resume his playing career is unclear at this point. Davie still plays 5-a-sides with his pals once a fortnight, and given the level United are operating right now he and his fat drunk mates might feasibly make the first team. The rumour mill grinds on. It's hard to ascertain much in the way of truth during these troubling times, particularly when I neither know Jim Spence, own a fax machine or have any verifiable knowledge of Davie Dodds' five-a-side habits. There's no smoke without fire. Good luck, United.
  20. Did Swampy and xbl ever return under the guise of new usernames? Last time I was around regularly they were banned. I daresay the forum misses them to varying degrees.
  21. In many ways this was a great result, as it lets us...(prepare for incoming cliche)...concentrate on the league.
  22. Just heard from a brickie pal of mine that rumours in the construction industry suggest Tannadice is on the verge of complete collapse. The Shed and Fair Play were temporarily reinforced by recent Derry activity yet may still turn to dust. Apparently Untied are training with hard hats and high-vis vests on. Stevie Campbell is wandering about brazenly wearing a '92 Dundee away top whilst telling the youth team to run for their lives, and Stephen Thompson is unresponsive toward repeated pleas to give a f**k. Quite frankly I fear for our lowly neighbours. #prayforunited
  23. In many ways worse an experience than what United went through tonight. Stay strong, brother.
  24. Should've telt him you were a cop, he would've followed it up by giving you the old "down below - too slow" routine then booted f**k out you. In a victorious manner, of course.
  25. I was there. Never mind the six yard box, one boy came out the East Stand and made it as far as the opposite penalty box before the pigs took him down. Very impressive pitch invasion. Tap, troosers, pants. I was on the verge of getting my second sock off when the barmaid's stern look suggested I'd already gone too far. Sitting in the house fully naked now though. If any c**t wants to join the perty I'm available for £2 per-minute on various webcam sites under the pseudo-name "James_McPake_Fucksake". What a time to be alive.
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