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The wife and I thought it would be wise to discuss arrangements for if the worst happens. I now know her thoughts on burial and the service she wants. My only stipulation is I want six Falkirk FC players to be cord bearers so they can let me down one last time.

I used to spin that toilet roll like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe...

I don’t get the “how will the police know if it’s my first, second or third jog of the day?” comments. Why is it that many people’s instant reaction to authoritative measure to be ‘how can I get around this one?’ It’s staggering to think of the number of people who will genuinely go out for a second walk, for no other reason than to ‘outwit’ the polis.

Condolences to absolute losers like Mintermind who had been looking forward to this day for months [emoji23][emoji23]

^^^ Pozbaird when he gets in from shooting 53 this afternoon

You forgot the 2 world wars and 1 world cup.

Me, 2 months ago: teachers are moany arseholes and have it easy with all their fucking weekends off and extended holidays. Me, 2 hours into home schooling a 6 + 9 year old: I believe teachers to be god like beings who should be revered and worshipped daily.

The deaths being caused by Covid are i agree regrettable but the worst aspect of this crisis is people sending me Janey Godley's 'comedy'

Me going for 4 walks tomorrow.

We've finally found the most effective way to make folk in this country exercise - make it illegal!

Folk going on about how they've been outside like they're making some sort of profound statement. You're not Rosa fucking Parks

Nah, he was only ever First Minister.

The tediousness of JTS98’s post is growing faster than the virus. I’d try to map it out but I’d probably make an arse of it.

No, the most sensible thing is to take regular outdoor exercise while following strict social distancing measures at all times. And then washing your hands as soon as you get in the door. Only those who can't follow those rules gets a truncheon in the face. People seem to be massively underestimating the serious mental and physical strains that twelve weeks or more of shutting yourself between four walls would have on anyone in the general population.

Utter nightmare. The pharmacy called me earlier to say that the eye gel was not only not in stock but not available to order. Called the doctor (she gave me her number as was worried this might be the case) and she's managed to source some (in an ask no questions manner). I have to meet her at Ninewells to get it, which means a bus there and back sadly. Yikes! I should note that the doctor has been absolutely brilliant, from taking the time yesterday to see me to sorting this for me. She's been so helpful, especially during this time which will no doubt be busy and stressful for her. The NHS is brilliant and we're so lucky to have it and folk like her. Just arrived at Ninewells. Will he sure to tell her.

'After falling 13 points behind in the title race, Rangers suffered another hugely damaging defeat on Monday when ...'

ISOLATION UPDATE: Have now been stuck with my new girlfriend for three full days. We still find each other bearable. A minor hiccup yesterday when we went on our daily walk to Tesco (maintaining our social distance from others). A group of street youths, packed together in close proximity just outside the supermarket, started shouting at us. ‘’Your girlfriend’s a slag!’’, one of them yelled. It was a concerning situation. However, those concerns have now been laid to rest. As soon as we got back home, I demanded to know WHY THEY WERE CALLING HER A SLAG AND WHETHER IT’S BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN SLEEPING AROUND THE TOWN WILLY-NILLY. She said ‘’no’’. So anyway, yes, this self-isolation period is still going well. Will update further in due course.

The police are going to “strongly advise” anyone breaching the rules. Ad Lib has the last laugh.

Luckily there weren't enough primary school level morons like yourself on the jury to condemn an innocent man.

I opened a pack of bacon yesterday by pulling the flap of plastic film in the corner and the whole of the film came off in one piece.

The principle means of infection is infected air. The air can be infected by someone with no symptoms or who hasn't developed symptoms yet simply exhaling. Sneezing and coughing aren't required. The recommendations in terms of hygiene and distance are to minimize risk, they are not guarantees that you won't be infected. The virus isn't interested in contrarian punter logic. Protect yourself and others by staying indoors unless it's absolutely necessary to go out. Please follow the guidelines. The consequences of not doing so are huge. This isn't a drill or an ironic amusement. Lives are at stake. Actual peoples lives.

Anyone who doesn't think Madonna's best song is Like A Prayer is a fucking arsehole

Only 122 P&B members on this thread. Rangers getting pumped still more box office by about 4 to 1.

Only in twos in Belgium from now on.

Dick Pound and Anita Bush. This is the sort of thing that could see Kenneth Williams gifs rationed to 2 per’ poster.

I’m on annual leave this week. My plan for my first day off was to go to Glenshee for a hike and do some photography, however the longer time went on the less and less comfortable I felt about doing so - even though I’d be able to have my day out without coming into contact with anyone. Advice was updated this morning from the Scottish Mountaineering Association (I think it was them, something to that effect) who said do not go to the mountains. So that’s that. Instead I’ve been out in my car all day, driving around local countryside. I’m about to get out for a walk. I’ve got my food, water and everything else I need and won’t need to go anywhere near anyone. In the very unlikely circumstances that I do cross paths with someone I will be going nowhere near them. Maybe I’ve made an “unnecessary journey” today by driving around. But if I didn’t get in my car today and instead walked to the nearest park or green space then I’d almost certainly have come into close contact with someone. I think the “stay at home” brigade need to wind their necks in and stop attacking sensible folk for wanting to go out for fresh air. If you want to get angry at people, get angry at the arseholes who went to the pub last night or the ones who are down the local park mingling together and behaving as if everything’s fine. The official government advice does NOT say to stay indoors. These people who are shouting at others for daring to step foot outside are making their own rules up.

The official advice went from "we're building herd immunity" to "stay way from everyone, don't visit pubs and isolate if you're high risk" in the space of two days. The official advice differs from other countries too, some other countries who appear to have a better handle on spread than us. Surely you can see why some people have a problem with the official advice, and why they think just staying indoors at all times is the better option than what you propose?

I'm practicing social distancing by putting the vast majority of contributors to this thread on ignore. The health benefits are probably negligible but my forum experience can only improve.

I was in Bangkok last week with my son, returned on Saturday. Local Government was at my door that night telling me I had to be tested for Covid19 at the local health clinic, put a panic into my family. Went to the clinic on opening time 08:00 today (Monday), to stand outside and shout into the place as I couldn't see anyone, nurse walks out and asks why I was there. Told her I was sent by the local government office from my village (about 500 people). She said no such thing is in place and you have been sent here for no reason apart from scaremongering and ignorance. She took our temperatures and told to go home, gave us a big A4 sheet with all the intructions in Thai what to do & told me to give to all my family and anyone else that comes to your house. When I got home I called the police and informed them what has happened. As the only foreigner within about 25 miles (Singburi town), looks like the villagers were starting a lynch mob and steering up a little racist fear within the camp. I'm sure i can deal with it, but not my kids. As for business in the tourist spots, it close to nothing now and nobody is/can arrive. As for the photo in my last post, I was not having a dig at these people. If you think of everything shutting down, people have to eat and pay rent same as everyone else. They have no money and eating your own shite is going to start once that little money you have left is gone. Ask yourself the question, I have enough money left to get back home (countryside provinces) or stay here. I would be getting that bus too. Sad times lay ahead for everyone.

https://placestovisitthisweekend.com/

The problem with this post is that you've no where to go after 'horrific' and 'diabolical' and, whatever you say of Salmond, his acts were neither of those. The jury declared it non criminal - which is about right - and the court of public opinion declared it unacceptable and creepy - which is also about right. I'd say it's a pretty fair outcome all round.

It's fairly obvious that lock down is coming, but i think there are a lot of folk on here underestimating the seriousness of that action over a prolonged period. Folk taking about 'stay indoors' like it's something easy to do. Week after week, running into months... I'm not so sure. This will be very difficult. But it's necessary. I actually think things have been handled reasonably well by both governments (criticisms have been made and received, and almost always acted on). It's far too easy to have a pop at folk and get all irate at times like this, especially on the internet. I personally think that the tories in charge are selfish arseholes but when it comes to something like this there's still a sense of public duty - and doing the right thing. The chancellor announcing 80% of wages was huge in that respect, and hopefully something similar is put in place for self employed folk.

Is am unwilling to speculate on this as there was a flaw in my previous calculation. The flaw being that I didn’t know what I was talking about.

You see, despite this being the direct opposite of what I've been slavering on about for a year and a half, it's actually Salmond being acquitted that is really going down to bring down the SNP - every Unionist fruitcake that's appeared so far. Honestly, just give up.

Ill probably get slaughtered for this but I’m going out for a hike today. I know I’ll probably pass one or two people on the way there. I’ll make sure I give them the space that has been recommended. Staying indoors just isn’t feasible for me right now. In the last few months I’ve had a long term relationship break down, my Dad passed away and now I have no work because of coronavirus shutting places. My mental health was already at an all time low because of the events I’ve mentioned. Being hemmed up indoors would really put me over the edge.

For the Nervous Nellies: Our family went to the Kinneil Estate yesterday. Here was our thinking. If you can tell me what was actually wrong with it, I'd love to hear it. We thought about walking or cycling round Linlithgow Loch, but it's always pretty busy and we thought it would be worse yesterday. Same for the canal, and that path is too narrow to pass with sufficient distance, especially on bikes. Then we thought about Muiravonside, because it has wide paths. We knew it could be busy, we thought about going to see and if the car park was busy then we'd turn back. But it didn't seem worth it. Then we remembered Kinneil Estate is always quiet, it's very spacious and the paths are wide. There were about 10 cars at the car park. We walked round the estate, easily keeping 2m distance from the handful of people we passed. Everyone was making big, exaggerated moves to the edge of the paths, it was quite funny. We didn't pat dogs, for a change. We didn't sit on benches because you're bound to put your hands where others have. We had a picnic and threw a ball around on a wide, empty area of grass. We washed hands before we left and as soon as we got home. We used wipes before the picnic and before getting back to the car. Anyone who thinks that we should have stayed home is making up their own rules and expecting others to live by them.

Some bugger has finally granted Roy Wood his wish...

Drumchapel United have applied :-

"That looks like that dug we saw earlier but that one only had a big white splodge on one side of his face".

The Tories, Labour, the SNP, the DUP and Sinn Fein. The Chief Medical Officers of all four administrations. The Chief Scientific Adviser and Scotland's National Clinical Director. They're all in the pocket of Cummings, are they? He's a pantomime villain here. Haven't you noticed that all four administrations have followed the same policies at almost exactly the same times, and used the same language when they do so? Cobra is not in charge of Scotland, SGoRR has that role here. Devolution is a real thing. Responses to a flu pandemic have been extensively modelled and prepared for since 2009. This includes regular exercises. But a contingency plan only sets up the command structures, the logistics and gets you through the first few days. After that you have to react to events. The so-called herd immunity plan was based on sound epidemiological data at the time. They thought, given the known R0 and mortality rate, they could let it work through the population while protecting the vulnerable, without massive economic carnage. What they hadn't realised until the Imperial College paper was how many people would become ill enough to need ICU care before recovering - that was going to overwhelm the NHS no matter what. It's far, far, far too early to say which countries have got this right or wrong. Epidemiologists say it's very likely there will be further waves of Covid-19. Imperial College concluded that the suppression model would take 18 months of restriction being on for two-thirds of the time to be effective. We're not even at the end of the beginning. People have created the narrative that the government have made a mess of this because that's what they want to believe is true.

You really are a grade 1 arsehole.

Don't touch them.

I’m a Prime subscriber; hopefully will get mine quicker.

What's the problem you ask? Well... What about clubs who don't want to be in the pyramid - this plan removes the choice. How are they going to integrate any potential new members - not just which League to put them in, but are they going to be forced to become members of the Junior association (either SJFA or WRSJFA), what will happen if a current senior club is relegated into a "Junior" league etc, are the Junior leagues at Tiers 7 and below still going to have reinstatement and a ban on the devil's lanterns, etc. Why is giving clubs an optional membership of the SJFA a good thing - what benefits do they get, othet than entry to the Junior Cup if entry going to be restricted to clubs who stay in the association? As to the Junior Cup, what do clubs in the North and East have to say in all this? How are fixtures going to fitted in with them presumably following the traditional rules with Saturday after Saturday being used while clubs in the West will have to fit fixtures around the League and South Challenge and big Scottish Cup? If current senior, amateur or whatever clubs don't have to join the Juniors, what happens to Junior clubs should they reach the SPFL? Will Talbot still be a "Junior" club and playing in the Junior Cup if they reach the Championship? If the big hitters in the West reach Lowland League or SPFL status and leave the Juniors, is the Junior Cup still going to mean anything? What about the clubs in the East who are former Junior clubs and who have been called traitors and worse - do they get back into the Junior fold if they want to? These aren't in themselves insurmountable problems to solve but they are problems nonetheless. Having a new WoS League set up without Junior involvement is clearly a lot less messy. And that is the problem!

Mate all your posts are proof that people need to go outside!

I think we are heading for the worst outbreak in Europe thanks to all the selfish p***ks holding house parties and/or wandering around out and about in public spaces over the weekend,

Are you at more risk of catching a highly contagious virus in your shower or at the park? Because that's what we're discussing here.

Or how about people accept the advice as it is and don't be dicks? Jason Leitch went for a 5k run yesterday, and I think he knows more about it than any of us on here.

I don't accept that at all. Someone seeing me in the middle of a field doesn't make them say 'here, let's all have a bevvy at Janet's..ill get on the blower '