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Flew to Poland today to visit her family. As today is their gift giving and meal day she suggested I fly dressed as Santa (I own a suit as do few things for kids charities). TBH I was a bit unsure but as I doubt I would ever get the chance to do it again I went for it big time, suit, wellies, even my hand luggage was a santa sack. Actually turned out to be fun. The faces on kids in the airport were a joy, took an age to get to the gate due to bairns, adults and staff asking for selfies. I even had sweets to hand out (with the permission of parents before anybody comments). Random allocated seats meant I was given row 1 while she was up in a row 16. Boarded the plane and the captain appeared asking for a photo. Said he was going to send it to his son and tell him he was helping Santa delivering presents. Near the end the cabin crew asked if they could get a photo and just as we finished this absolute weapon strode up the aisle in wet-look leggings that left little to the imagination and asked for a hug and a selfie. How could one refuse? Well that was my excuse to her back in row 16. As I sat back down a member of the crew thanked Santa for flying Ryanair and then some people started singing jingle bells. Polish guy next to me said nothing all flight and just as we hit the tarmac he turned to me and said "Santa, can I get a selfie?" Even the guy on passport control only asked for a peek at my face as did not want to burst the Santa myth to the kids in the queue. Big family gathering all done, kids bought into their surprise guest with gifts. Hope everybody has a day as good as mine.

Me: want any help getting the kids presents down and put out for the morning? her: (laced with sarcasm) no. You just sit there. me: right you are. her: seething. Fucking seething. merry Christmas one and all.

Lol Reminded me of a time when tasked to set the Christmas dinner table. Knew something was missing but could not quite figure what. 2 mins later she walked in to find a Toy Story "Happy Birthday" banner pinned to the wall with a sheet of A4 and the name "Jesus" in marker pen sellotaped to it. Her mother who was a churchy type said I was going to hell. Well, even at Christmas you sometimes need that wee conversation starter which differs from "How many pairs of socks did you get?" or "Are your sprouts soft enough?" (insert Kenneth Williams type image here). Have a great day to one and all. And if you are spending with a meal for one, remember you are not really alone, you are a member of the P&B family...as dysfunctional as we may be.

A very merry Christmas to my fellow Bairns around the world #OneLove

Worst Poster in the World 2019 award goes to...... @Oleksandr "What a c**t" @Bobby Skidmarksi "Spunkstain" @Addie "Shite threads" @everyone "Oxygen thief" @sjc Well done @Oleksandr you deserve all the platitudes coming your way....

In all seriousness tomorrow won't be the easiest or best Christmas ever, will pop down to my ex wife's about 11.00 with presents for her and the kids... I may even get something in return, doubt I'll get anything off my daughter though who has been in a huff with me for months now but, will clearly take my presents and the money I transferred into her account the other day. Then I'll be taking my son and my stepdaughter down to my own parents house for an hour or so, both of whom have had their own health scares of late and are a bit more frail looking every year but, still adore the kids and it makes their Christmas day seeing them, unfortunately that means I have to spend a bit of time with my brother who will also be there and is a bit of an arse truth be told but he is still my brother end of the day so presents will be exchanged between us all. The heavy difficult part then comes when my son gets a visit to his mum's house to see her, his siblings and me, he's had a difficult time of late with some personal issues, he's been living in a supervised unit for teenagers with mental health issues, Social Work are dragging their heels about whether he is ready to come home but he gets a two hour supervised visit to his mum's tomorrow, will be good to see him if emotional at the same time. Then my youngest son and my stepdaughter are coming to mine for their dinner while my daughter will no doubt stay at her mum's as I'm in the c**t book with her... awkward teenager phase Then I'll drop the two of them back off with their mum before hitting my Right Said Fred after what will be a long and emotional day without a drop of alcohol, plenty of that will be consumed on Boxing Day though as I head to St Mirren v Celtic with our CSC, immensely looking forward to it purely to unwind and release some tension at a difficult time, who would have thought someone would relish a day in Paisley so much... Hope you all have great day guys and girls

The sister in laws cats Ash & Faith.

Indeed

A wee message to everyone who’s not feeling the best this festive period; it’s absolutely alright to NOT feel cheerful, and it’s absolutely alright to not pretend you’re having a good time. If you’re needing a chat, or an ear to listen, drop me a message; I know it can get pretty lonely when everyone around you is acting like it’s the best time ever and you’re not feeling 100%. With that being said, I hope you all have a good Christmas, whatever you’re doing, and whoever you’re spending it with (even if it’s just yourself, who wants to be around annoying family members anyway?). Much love [emoji173]️

I was going to have buck's fizz for breakfast but I'm having trouble making my mind up.

That was a lovely read! Thank you.

Just came in here to post Link to minds list of crisis numbers. Feel free pm me and I’m sure other active posters on this thread would be happy listen too as previously stated. nhs 111 also have an out hours CPN service and if you don’t answer their call back they’ll send police round to do a welfare check. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/#.XgKISiSnyEc

On a more serious note, I hope the collection for the food bank last Saturday makes Christmas a bit better for those who really are less fortunate. Merry Christmas and f**k the Tories.

Season's greetings to all P & Bers. For all the folk from Airdrie and its environs, here's your national anthem Deliverance - Dueling Banjos

@Sugar_Army is one of the good guys, genuinely put a smile on my face today.

Me and Mrs Row 16 are the same, got everything we need. We used to have a £10 limit for a gift, everything else had to be made/recycled at no extra cost. One year I blew all my money by joining something at the local the B & Q because you got to build a wooden sled in those wee training booths they had. Two cut fingers and a splinter later it was so heavy it just sank in the snow would not budge. At least we hot a laugh out of it. I have made her a dress out of maps (she likes hill walking but has no sense of direction) and stayed up to the early hours one year sewing sock puppets that were meant to look like me and her. You put your hand into them via the bottom of wee Xmas gift bags so they popped out the top. It was supposed to help her teach me Polish without killing me with frustration. 10 years together and I know about about a dozen words. Now we just donate our tenners to the Christmas stuff I help out with on top of my job. A Christmas party for kids in care and kinship care and a toy appeal that reached out to 1300 kids that were referred by various projects working with the families who said they were in danger of missing out. As hectic as Christmas is, I am constantly humbled by the generosity of the general public from bairns to grannies who give up time, effort and hard earned cash. They are the real stars at Christmas.

As long as it's a truly, truly dreadful viewing experience for the neutrals then I think we can agree we *all* win.

Merry xmas to all Arabs. Worth pointing out at this time of the year that there are some who arent all as fortunate as us. Sadly somebody somewhere will be unwrapping a Dundee top

Merry Christmas to all Dundee Derry boys and girls out there. f**k everyone else, particularly United, on this special day. Thank you.

I am now firmly opposed to the idea of a Christmas Day quiz. 4/10.

Never a frown, with Golden brown.

For all you young guns out there, from an auld man who's never indulged : Grand Master Flash & Melle Mel - White Lines (Don't Do It)

Merry Xmas everyone - even grumpy old dayglo b*****ds!! [emoji8]

Here is your Christmas quiz. Most questions are festive (apart from the first one, but the reason for that question will become apparent very quickly). Merry Christmas

Merry Xmas you miserable p***ks [emoji6] Nah seriously, all the best to everyone.

Merry Christmas to all the regulars on here - and anyone else who might have strayed on in error. Bing Crosby & David Bowie : The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth

Merry christmas lads, hope it’s a good yin [emoji2]

The Damned-There ain't no sanity clause

Great entertainment said @nobody

Wouldn't have minded finding her in my stocking or probably better still her in her stockings ... Kylie Minogue - Santa Baby

Merry Christmas from Craig & Jill x

Nice if you to get the Mrs a Bairnardo miget size dildo.

I think my parents are desperate for grandkids. Every year the dugs get a big pile of presents to unwrap. Skye is getting fired in to both hers and Jake's as he's too old to rip his way through the entire roll of cellotape that my mum has used to wrap up a wee bag of treats.

Let's get this done with f**k this puddle drinking wee fandan and his shitey wee poll.

Here's one from a colleague

Clearly you were on the naughty list!

Merry Christmas people, hope y'all are havin a good one. It's about to get a little bit better. [emoji846]

All the best to you fine Fife Folk (aye that includes folk fi Kirkcaldy). Looking forward to the 28th

merry christmas [emoji3]

Merry Christmas to all the good Lichties out there. Hope you have a wonderful day

Merry Christmas to you all

And here he is allegedly looking for Father Christmas

Merry Christmas all me ol muckers Bob Dylan - Must Be Santa

I can’t believe people are doubting the legitimacy of the poll.

A happy Christmas and best wishes for 2020 to all Lichtie supporters, in fact to all Lichties wherever they may be. Hoping to end the year on a high with a result in Inverness, but even a point wouldn't be too much of a disappointment.

It’s now the 25th for me so Merry Christmas fellow quizzers.

Every derby thread, without fail.

You're a c**t as well.

Most of the behaviour described in this thread is annoying. Yours is an arsehole. Sorry.