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These two.

Posting about my smelly former colleague has reminded me of my previous post about some of my colleagues in Inverness, reproduced here: I used to work with several beauts back in Inverness. One was a guy who was a kind of squat fat chap who claimed to have spina bifida so got work to buy him a super-duper chair with buttons and stuff. Obviously when we were nights we snaffled it and took turns to race around the place on it. Eventually he cottoned onto this and from then on got the security guard to lock it away at nights. He also used to carry one of those iron briefcase things to work and if he wasn't working he'd open it on his desk and rummage around in it, slamming it shut if he heard someone come near him. Once a team leader from our shift opened it when he was on his break and it was full of food packaging and sweetie papers He must have noticed that his briefcase was out of position (think the penguin in Misery) so he sent an email to everyone in the team saying that he was very disappointed and that if anyone wanted to look in his briefcase we should just ask him. He also used to come into work insanely early, like six hours before his shift was due to start and just sat around. He was bizarrely keen and seemed to think this would do him good in his career. However, it didn't mainly because the manager of the place had to tell him to stop it as his 18 hour a day stints were threatening the insurance. His career prospects were probably more harmed by the fact that his ex girlfriend worked in the upstairs office and she had a restraining order against him due to the fact that he stalked her after they split up. This meant that he missed out on training courses and couldn't apply for any promotions as most of the interviews were done upstairs. How staying in the office for a ridiculous ammount of time would make his employers forget that they had a loon on the staff is beyond me. He was thick as horseshit anyway. Another favourite was Neil, a guy I worked with after getting a promotion of sorts. Neil was an older guy, most of the people there were in their early 20's. He was about 45 and when I first joined the team he was pretty quiet but he was always keen on a night out. This was because he had a drink problem. He wouldn't drink all the time but if he got started he didn't finish for days/weeks/months. He took a holiday once and didn't come back to work for four or five months. The company couldn't contact him and after a month or so sentthe police round to check he wasn't dead. He admitted he had 'a problem' and was allowed back. That's when the fun really began. When he came back he was quite different, he was obviously on medication to control his urges towards drinking and it turned him into a walking comedy sketch. He would jive across the office, call everyone man and constantly, I mean constantly, hum to himself. I used to sit next to him and it was like sitting next to a radio constantly tuned to Jazz FM. "Dooo bee doo doo doo bap doo wop doo waaaah" for every second of the 8 hour shift. He would also talk/sing to himself about what he was doing, as Swampy remembers. So if it was his week doing the morning reports you'd get "doo bee doo be dobeee, ahh'mmm doooooin the morning report, doop doo dee waaah". Eventually he'd take things that were said or mentioned and work them into his routine. So if someone said "Who's coming fro lunch? I fancy a sandwich" you'd get about 30 seconds later "Lunchy lunchy woo beee doooo". This was noticed and we'd deliberately mentioning things completely out of context to get them into his songs. One notable occasion was when a mate of mine stood up apropos of nothing and said very loudly "GLOVES" and sat down. Thirty seconds later "gloves, wooo hoo dop yeah, gloves yeahh" Neil eventually left, the company gave him an ace reference to get rid of him. On one of his drinking benders (which continued despite his treatment) he saw our line manager shopping with his wife and kids and followed him around Tesco shouting abuse, probably like thisL "dooo bee doo deee doo you are a c**toooo".

Here he is #meltdowncity

Sounds exactly like someone me and ah-dee worked with. The boy I'm speaking about also talked with a fake American accent despite being from Montrose, ate dried mealworms and used to regale us all with tales of paintings he had done substituting a paint brush for his penis. Jackson Bollock ?

Optimistic.

This is a bit like me deciding to build an extension, and writing to the council to ask them what I need in order to get planning permission. I might then fill out all the documents and get an architect to do a drawing to ensure that I meet of the council's conditions, but that doesn't mean that the council will build the house for me. I still have to get all of my neighbours to agree, and then I need to get someone to actually do the work.

Courtesy of Loch Fyne Oyster Bar. (Lobster, Brown Crab, Langoustines, Scallops, Oysters, Clams

Instead of posting this every week, could you tell us who you think might have applied?

On the subject of the 500 club I too am a member and if this has in anyway taken us from third tier obscurity to championship title challengers then money well spent in my book.

In principle, I do agree with your point regarding the fickleness of fans (of all clubs, not just RR!) But, speaking as somewhat of an outsider, I've seen a decent amount of praise on here and on twitter for the subsidies for the buses, as well as praise from fellow outsiders like myself at the great uptake and support you're taking through.

I'd like to add to this that if Keith Jackson is reading this, YOU'RE A FUCKING w**k M8.

Surpise, surfuckingprise. I'm actually doing well for once and the Archbishop of Wankerbury can't be arsed to put the tables up. For shame.

how could slams be left out until now. shame on you all! its the one that angers me the most oh. oh over use af angry as an emotion. ^^^ Dees ace slams top beaks in sensational broadside. PS If Keith Jackson is reading this, as I know fine well he is, feel free to use that one for free.

I think praise has been given on this forum when it has been deserved, I’ve seen people on this forum and the cup forum praising the buses, as well as the fantastic social media coverage, good signing McGlynn has brought in and the contract extensions that has happened. If you compare P&B with the donkeys on Facebook we are a nice wee bunch, who in my opinion do praise the club when it’s been appropriate

Know who merits a warning? That bellend Liverpool supporter. Just been on the Misc. Football part, most threads are just saturated with his inane drivel. Rap it or piss off.

Aren't football fans a fickle lot? They will pounce on anything which they perceive is a mistake or an error of judgement and vent their spleens overloading social media sites with vitriolic condemnations. However when the football club does something positive e.g. subsidising buses to the Hibs game is this met with pages of congratulatory messages? No chance. This is a fantastic gesture from Raith Rovers which has resulted in a lot of extra work for the office staff and volunteers. £5 return to Edinburgh, on a day when public transport will be under severe pressure, ensuring our fans will be able to attend the game with the minimum of hassle should be universally applauded. Well done the Rovers!!!

Still, at least it doesn't bother you.

You know the rules...

I think you're supposed to use your wife's season ticket for the remaining games.

In fairness you’ve had your fun (in your tiny mind) and really need to just f**k off now, you’re embarrassing yourself imho

When do you stop?

Beinn Bhuidhe today, conditions above about 700m were horrendous.

He was a full back for his whole Dundee career. There was a game where he started at centre back and two or three games in midfield so in almost 200 games for the club, it was a rare sight. When we first signed him in 2011, he was a key part of the Dundee side who went into administration and hit great form. A young Irvine was a fantastic and dynamic full back who would often pick the ball up and drive into the centre of the park. When we initially went up, due to the Rangers debacle, he (and the team) really wasn't ready for top flight football and despite a few really good performances (towards the end of the season mostly), he struggled a bit and tended to struggle defending. When we went back down, he matured into a really solid and consistent player who learned to defend very well. He wasn't really appreciated by the Dundee fans but when we tried to replace him with a younger player (Paul McGinn), Irvine kind of reinvented himself as a steady defender and periodically worked his way back into the team and started to fill in at left back where we were weak. Oddly, putting him at left back started a run of a few goals where he just seemed to end up in goal scoring positions all the time - no one could quite understand it. I've no idea what his fitness levels are like now and it'd be disrespectful to your level to claim any old player can just come in and instantly be a star but if he is sufficiently fit, I think he's a good head to have in a team as he is a really good professional and although he was prone to his odd poor game, he was generally very consistent. We never really appreciated him until we started trying to replace him and found it harder than realised. Eventually, Paul McGinn and Kevin Holt matured into decent top flight players and then we had young Cammy Kerr who come back from a loan at Peterhead (where he had two spells) and impressed on his return in a New Years Day derby win so I don't think we could justify holding onto him when he could get a contract elsewhere.

Moving to a new office from Monday. Today was my last day working with one of my colleagues. This woman doesnt like me. I don't like her. Very few people do. She hasn't spoken with me for 2 1/2 weeks since our last meeting as a management team. This is the woman who will leave milk cartons containing varying states of cheese on the kitchen counter rather than binning them when she cleans out the fridge because "they need to learn". She absolutely hates it when people move her stuff when she's not in. Would it be wrong of me to change the settings on her chair, move her monitor and generally mess up her stuff for her to come in to on Monday morning?

Call me old-fashioned or outdated if you must, but it doesn’t sit right with me that Hibs are moving away from the tried and tested method of appointing good and honest Irish, Catholic managers.

Coming from the guy who posted the same photo in two threads for maximum attention that means a lot thanks xx Glorious

One sixth of this article is devoted to everyone's favourite Albert Kidd moment... https://www.theguardian.com/football/2019/feb/06/the-joy-of-six-football-title-run-ins The picture taken next to the railings is in evidence and the last sentence is a classic: "Then up popped Albert Kidd, the substitute striker who had not scored all season, with a stab of the boot that was a dagger to the Hearts. The cruel Kidd did it again six minutes later too. Hearts are still broken to this day."

haha, get them doon the Baron's Haugh in those wee bird watching sheds, tunes on with bottles of Mad Dog.

If there's not a 'young team' video announcement in the next week it's a missed opportunity IMO.

Great little article here on Fan Zhiyi and the fact that The Dee are MASSIVE in China. https://www.nottheoldfirm.com/columnist/the-strange-tale-of-fan-zhiyi-in-dundee/

The Bully Wee’s financial department doesn’t accept Australian Bank details for that £40 payment. IBAN numbers etc to exchange foreign currency on £40 doesn’t work for me. So I’ll just contribute via match ball sponsorship payments (even though they can’t get my business name correct) lol, lottery purchases, and other fund raising incentives I can manage to make up for not being a member. Just interested in the financial topics considering how we’ve been in the past.

I really like Matty, he did a massive turn for us last season contributing a few goals and points that were desperately needed in the closing games. It would be a real shame to see him edged out, he's got a fair bit of potential.

There was a young lassie called Rowan, Wi' a puss that resembled Tam Cowan, "Want a keek at ma' bits ? Ma' vagina and tits ? Then ah'll swally yer spermatozoan."

After 4 months of chemotherapy my consultant told me today that my cancer is under control and I can come off chemotherapy! Have the small matter of a stem cell transplant in April/May time which involves more chemo but for the time I am drug free!

I’m so fucking done with this season. I said before Miller took it to just smash it down the middle. Last minute of the game, the keeper is always going to dive. Raging. f**k sake.

As I’ve said I like Lennon and would rather he was here but I’ve seen nothing this season to suggest he was going to turn it around. The bottom 6 finish is on him, he’s lead us here. It’s his team.

Rae did give permission 2nd time of asking though the intelligence of saying we cant offer him the job is hilarious Its obvious that McKinnon was using Morton as a stepping stone that's by the by but if the governing body had acted to give Morton compo, even the full 40k then it would be up to Morton to appeal if they felt it wasn't enough as I personally think we would've went ok done deal. We are now in a situation where we don't really know if this 40k will be the only outgoing depending if Morton are successful in going to court for compo of which none of us know if they will be successful or not in doing so In a typical Scottish football manner we are at amateur level

Eckerslie has been very good so far and the defence has noticeably steadied since he arrived.

Not really a surprise as Lang & co seem quite sure of their innocence even though the report was reasonably damning. Presumably there's some other evidence or we're just trying to reduce the fine amount. Either way I'd rather this was done quickly. We all enjoy making fun of the roasters from the Morton thread but now we might have a team with actual footballers I'd rather read about that.

Ooft, red dots flying now as well. Someone's really upset this guy.

Unless you just don't pay them by dying.

Used to work with a guy called Harry, we called him Harry the Horse as he smelt like one. Very nice guy though. Sadly deceased. Probably dosen't smell too well now right enough.

That's no way to talk about your wife.

??

Michael and his friends eagerly anticipating a trip to Stranraer...

He sounds like an utter diddy of Calderwood/Fenlon/Butcher proportions.

You know I had to do it to 'em