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Sum boy.

Whole family took the day off for this and were locked outside! Me and my auld man attempted to pry the gates open to prevent the thousands of kids (mostly orphans) crying as they missed out on seeing their stars but they were welded shut! Margaret Lang and Craig Campbell also spat on us from the safety of the flood lights as we left. Not very happy [emoji35]

All the best for you guys, know how much you wanted this to happen, a season in the top flight will have done Faiss the world of good, he will cause havoc in that league, and also f**k the DAB's at the same time. IMO. Thank you.

23 days until the start of the season - the length of the Tour De France

If you’ve never prayed professionally you don’t have a fucking clue.

We’ve literally just finished a season where we reached two cup finals and broke a club record for clean sheets- none of which would have been possible without McHugh. Just think back to the League Cup semi final for example, Moult grabbed most of the headlines however McHugh was absolutely immense that day. Fair few rabbits in the headlights first half and McHugh along with Hartley and Carson dragged the rest of them through to half time level. Not to mention his incredible 25 yard volley with his weaker foot against Hearts to dig us out a hole in the quarters of the Scottish Cup. Talk about a Captain stepping up when required. Or the numerous other games over the course of the season when we under the cosh where the guy was putting his body on the line winning headers, making blocks and breaking up countless attacks to get us over the line. Aye his distribution was poor last season and he certainly didn’t live up to our expectations based on his end to the previous season, however to marginalise the guys contribution to our achievements last season cause of a few poor games and some stray passes is laughable.

Maybe Smith has taken inspiration from the 'King of Cool' Gareth Southgate and will get himself a waistcoat from Slaters and play a 3-5-2 formation this season: Thomson Bene Davo Murray Watson Valentine Wedderburn Gillespie Milne Vaughan Duggan Subs: New GK, McKay, Matthews, Berry, Flanagan, Buchanan + Nesbit,

Ego maniacs. They provide a good service, but there will be a reason behind it. No need to post. Made themselves look petulant there IMO.

On behalf of everyone at Dundee, I would just like to apologise for breaking El Bak. He is not the same player who left you. If you could somehow fix him and also keep the dabs doon at the same time it would be greatly appreciated. All the best for the coming season. Thank you.

There you go lol

28,000 clearly.

f**k knows what he's begging us for help, bit part player 14 years ago. I'm away to vote for Bak just to push him over the edge.

CRAIG CAMPBELL JUST BURST IN AND TELT MA THREE YEAR OLD SANTAS NO REAL!!!!!

YAAAAAASSSSS!!! IT'S HAPPENED!

BB Bino, thanks for that info on two counts. Firstly it provides some useful info on the background to the boy's move. Secondly it thwarts the_bully_wee's attempts to drag unsuspecting QP fans into a debate where he can launch his usual tirade (he'll deny it of course, but he wasn't remotely interested in the actual reasons) against our amateur ethos. An entire thread is truly grateful to you.

How the f**k would any of us know that?

A question for his bird to answer surely

I think the big thing is when you look at a lot of the younger players like McDaid, Harvie, Rose, Shankland, Moore and Ferguson they’ve all either signed or came through at a Premiership club and ultimately been told they’re not good enough to cut it at that level. What I see in those guys is a hunger to prove people wrong and get back to playing at a higher level. Now hopefully they stay at Ayr beyond this season but if the club can help these guys get their careers back on track then not only is that something to be proud of but other young guys will look at Ayr as a way of becoming better and as a platform where they can show what they can do.

Andy Rodgers is an utter bawbag and his desperation to stay relevant is cringeworthy. Your average football career has come to an end Andy, just accept it gracefully.

The T has taken a battering. This is my seventh of the meal:

In the last few seasons we have had up to 6 starters out injured. I think that is as good a squad we could ask for on our budget. McCall called it. Until we can shift 3,000 season tickets like some in this league, we are competing on a shoestring budget in comparison. Well done McCall. I still think we will shock a few this year, most notably some of our own support.

Liquid football.

Someone's posted on the Dundee forum that Caulker was spotted in a bar in Portugal by Dundee fans, denied he was himself and said he was a guy called Marcos. Some boy Marcos.

A ginger Matt Lucas !!

So much in one photo. It's like the where's Wally of weird stuff.

WTF? Stretch Armstrong?

It’s 2018. Stop reading newspapers. Stop believing newspapers. Read pie and bovril and you will have all the football rumours/ information you need.

No,we are going to send gowser around to the sun to sort out the misunderstanding.

Powered by the indignation of not being offered cheddar cheese and pineapple on a stick.

The state of this lot over a glorified fives player.

I'm on the way down to burn the stadium to the ground. The only way this travesty can be avenged is with cleansing flame. I'll do Starks and East End on the way back up.

He needs to get the train up from Wolverhampton before he can sign!!!

Time after the time the club are the exact same with things like this. Completely unprepared. Shocking.

WellView vs Ya Bezzer! in a battle to see who can make the biggest arse of themselves on an internet forum? Yes please!

Anyway, no thread on Jesus is complete without reference to the life of Christ in cats tea towel...

Alright lads, I recorded a lengthy podcast with erstwhile Clyde midfielder Scott McLaughlin. In the third part, he spoke about his time at Clyde, which I think a lot of you might find illuminating. CLICK

Caulker is in the photos of them training today so looks like all okay on that front.

Hearing strong rumours that Willo Flood has parted company with St Mirren.

Why is everyone treating this as gospel? Every time someone posts "Brown is being tight" everyone believes it as fact without question and from what perthsaint1977 is saying above Brown isn't being tight and there is money spare. IF Driver doesn't sign, who says it isn't because his wage demands were OTT? Logic would suggest making him a high earner with his injury past would be a bit daft? Maybe there's another player coming in and Brown has said, there's money for that player but not for Driver as well? As I'm not ITK at all, of course I've no idea if it is true or not, all i'm saying is there's always 2 sides to every story. I do hope its not true though as I'd quite like him to sign. I'm a excited about the season starting too, I miss the fitbaw!!

Armstrong isn’t the other signing I’ve heard mate

Your reputation as a football analyst took a fatal blow when you complained about Kipre getting a contract extension last September.

We need a player exchange programme. We have the Erasmus scheme in universities, and hundreds, possibly thousands, of Scottish students are at European universities at any one time, doing a year there. My wife went to Clermont Ferrand for her third year. Our young players - male and female - would learn so much about how to organise themselves and their lives from playing in the youth teams in other countries, and about how at that level it's all about technique. It's not all one way - if I were coach of a young player in Italy who needed toughening up, I'd send them to Scotland. I think playing for Rangers was an integral part of the development of guys like Rino Gattuso and Gio Van Bronckhorst. More mixing with young foreign players, at home and abroad, would do wonders for our young players.

You're about 3 pages too late m8.

The whole point of a pyramid system is that we do have a link up all the way from the top flight down to amateur football. While things are still taking shape it obviously makes sense for amateur clubs to apply to the East of Scotland League, but once the dust has settled with the Juniors etc, it would be much easier to have a direct promotion/relegation link between the East of Scotland and the various amateur leagues in the region, rather than having to restructure the league on an annual basis depending on how many amateur teams have applied.