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Last radiotherapy session done and dusted today, although a bollock lighter will be glad to see the back of the hospital for a while #fuckcancer

A funny one from PE: I mind my swimming teacher, Mr Burnette IIRC, insisted that I wore trunks instead of shorts. And some weirdo kept staring at my cock.

Richard Thompson : I Still Dream (RIP Pete Zorn)

That whistle that loads of people have on their mobiles to tell them that they have received a text.

I see someones mashed up all the trailers into one giant one. The sound levels are a bit off (voices are too quiet) but it's fairly epic. There's a couple of bits I swear I haven't seen before though. Is the voiceover at the very end a spoiler?

If anyone comes in and makes a fuss just shout "CAN A GUY NOT HAVE A CHUG IN PEACE??!" Make THEM embarrassed about your masturbatory mishap.

Managed about half of Messiah's wee essay there but I think we can safely discard the bit about being ambivalent towards Hibs. "I actually want Rangers to win because I have an absolutely raging stauner for the Hibees" would've saved us all some time.

It's quite natural to admire things in others you are incapable of yourself.

Amboy Dukes - I Feel Free

Well when I first found out in December it was the end of the world. When you go to get treatment and see wee kids fighting a disease it gives you perspective. I ain't strong compared to the wee ones I've seen no older than mines

Donna Summer - I Feel Love

I was speaking to the student across the landing. She was saying that she's had to report a thief to the police because someone keeps stealing her pants from the washing line. I nearly shat her pants when she told me.

Have a look at some of the rockport shoes, I've had 3 or 4 pairs and they've all been comfy as f**k

Yup. Oh I should add, The Sellick Family has spent hunners of hours debating Resolution 12 - which was 'them' upbraiding the Sellick board about us actually having a Yoofa license. I'm surprised this has passed you by and that I, as a bluenose, have to 'fill you in'. As for ShittyDave? What a credit he is to the grey and greens.

1979 Werner Herzog remake of.. Nosferatu, The Vampyre The pic tells you all you need to know. Creepy and atmospheric rather than full of gore/terror. Really odd scene of a male visitor to Dracula's castle cutting his finger and Dracula sucking the cut and seeming to get quite randy at the sight of blood, with the spooked visitor backing away from him and the viewer not knowing if Drac plans to kill him/rape him/suck his finger or a bit of all three.

I am the same (i never thought i would be supporting Langfield in anyway) Brown is a worse keeper then Langfield, it’s not fair to compare him to Ward. What annoys me with Brown more than anything is he is a coward who shy’s away from his job. Although Langfield sometimes made a real mess of coming for the cross ball at least he had the balls to go for it. Brown has decided staying on his line is the safest option, which in many ways is him sh*ting it. He’s not a great shot stopper (see hearts), the effect he has had on the defenders in front of him is also disastrous. The confidence in the man behind them is zero, which leads to them making strange calls.

The fact that he has actually posted over 8500 times in this thread is even more tragic Imagine devoting that much time to a forum

Did not get to the Raith rovers quarter final game although I certainly remember going to other games in 1958. Would have probably seen the newsreel at the Rialto or la scala as at that time in Dumbarton television was still a novelty and most folk depended on newsreels to see film of the current news. The attendance given as 18000 was probably widely innacurate as children were not counted as they were lifted over the turnstile. There could easily have been over20000 at the game and as everyone wore a bunnet there must have been a lot of money in bunnet making. The standard of football was probably quite good as the sons had some decent players at the time.

Managed to find the oddsmonkey oddsmatcher again, somehow. http://www.oddsmonkey.com/OddsSearch.aspx

Small Faces - I'm Only Dreaming

I think you're all missing what I mean somewhat, which perhaps I should rephrase. Working on the assumption that there should be a fair whack of Leninists in RISE, the idea should be to use the elections to propagandise and to communicate a minimum programme, rather than merely getting somebody elected.The problem with RISE is that it's no doubt going to collapse after May, rather than using the election to agitate and built a class-based movement, which they should really be doing.

A pigeon once dropped a big shit on my back without me noticing and I was walking about like that all day. Be bold and just own it brother.

As long as the door was locked Pete. You do what ever you want in the office

Page 94: The Private Eye Podcast. Not many of them but it will probably tick your boxes.

Unless you were born last June then isn't the worst Rangers team of your lifetime. Remember losing the play-off to the absolute dross we had last year.

My French class in around second year was full of yahoos and on one day when an aged, weirdly shaped, nervous and heavily overweight supply teacher took that class the kids tore him to ribbons. You could see as soon as he walked into the room that morning that he was hanging by a thread to his sanity, poor auld c**t was barely functioning, the kids sensed weakness and harassed him from the first bell. After about 20 minutes he stopped trying to discipline or quieten the class at all, looked at a tall thin ginger lad who hadn't opened his mouth, shouted at him, fell silent and then simply left the room. Never saw him again. Guy I knew who sat behind me in English in 3rd year drew the Countdown clock in his English jotter, spelling it Cuntdown and drawing a half decent vagina in the dial, with vagina-people as the guests and hosts of this fictional, labial quiz show. He propped the offending page up against the filing cabinet at the back of the class immediately behind our desks as we left English that day. Back in that class the next day and the teacher had everyone in the class stand up and went on a super tirade, this woman was furious about Cuntdown. Only four of us at the back near the filing cabinet had even the slightest idea what she was on about, so there were 30 kids giving it shrugs and "what do you mean?" and four of us standing at our desk beside the filing cabinet trying to stare at the floor and look innocent. She eventually gave up the inquisition and started the lesson, but the same week I was going from one building to the next during class time and she happened to be walking along behind me and called me back. As it was during class there was no-one around to provide a distraction and she started quizzing me about the sketch. I was shuffling like f**k on the spot and getting really awkward, but didn't say owt so she couldn't prove anything and gave it up. Got thrown out of home economics during third year for a variety of things. Me and my mate were the only two males in our home economics class for the two standard grade years, so played up a lot. Got chucked out the class one day for holding a dog eating contest (arms behind the back, face in the dish) with some lasagne we'd just made. Had a pastry throwing fight one day, the raging wee teacher wifie calmed it down and sent us to our seats, then went ballistic when she noticed I'd jammed some additional pastry inside a plug socket. Tried to have me suspended, this wee arsehole of an ancient techie teacher who was about five foot came shouting in my face about the threat of consequences, just stood there with my gob shut and he eventually fucked off. That wee decrepit auld c**t is a lifelong Sons fan and can be seen at every Dumbarton home game, helping out as a kind of volunteer club official. There was a fat, heavy metal fan kid who tagged along with our wee group that no-one particularly liked. We figured that as he was a bit of a cadging c**t he'd never say no to a free juice, so we all spat in a can of Coke and one particularly weird wee guy made himself boke into it, then when the guy turned up we offered it to him and he gratefully accepted it. Kids are vile creatures. In second year me and the Cuntdown lad sat together at the back of our history class and over several weeks drew a succession of cocks of various size and detail on the floor, wall, desks, filing cabinet, posters etc, all at the very area we sat at. After some weeks when we were thoroughly surrounded by phalluses, we hit upon the genius idea of removing suspicion by approaching the history teacher at the start of class, looking disgusted and pointing at the cocks. Flawless. Having a bit of a shoving match with a kid in my year one lunchtime it started to get a bit serious as these things do and he charged at me, head down, swing his arms and trying to both headbutt and punch me simultaneously, so I grabbed his head in a headlock and back him into a glass panel beside a door, shattering the glass with his head, at which point we both decided to be somewhere else. My school was right by my house and the kids in our street would have bonfires each October on the ground out front of the school. One evening we were there messing about with fireworks when I hit upon the idea that by balancing a roman candle sideways, propped up by a rock we could aim it at the science classroom windows. The windows it turned out were plastic and charred and melted in places, much like a lighter scarred bus stop. Another night, not bonfire night, we were messing around by the school when we decided to set the big Biffa type bins on fire. The flames caught hold pretty quick so we fucked off sharp, swung by the jannies house as we made our exit, put on innocent faces and said we'd been returning from football training, seen smoke and raced to his house to raise the alarm. Genius. The annex building was next to a raised grass hill which gave great elevations of the windows all along one side of the building. We'd go into the school on summer evenings and stand atop the hill practicing our golf swings by driving balls of the hill and into the building's windows. Buying a gram of speed one day off a kid in my biology class, we snuck to an outbuilding by the main gates at lunchtime to make the exchange as it would by quiet there we thought, just as he slips me the wrap and him the money, a car beeps its horn and his dad waves at him. His aul fella was picking him up early that day for a dentist's appointment and he'd forgotten. Made the exchange look like a really protracted, elaborate handshake and got away with it. A new boys toilet block was built in the main building and within about three months of opening it'd been closed again as it'd been vandalised to f**k (another belting cock by mineself included) and a kid who has since gone to jail several times for stabbing crimes left a 2L bottle filled with fireworks in it as a makeshift bomb. One day in 4th year I hit upon the idea of stealing booze from my step dad, mixing it in a sports bottle with some juice and taking it into school to consume with my pals. This started a bit of a trend amongst the group of drinking during school hours for a short while, culminating in some of them (not me on this occasion) getting chucked out of a vacant R.E room they were drunkenly occupying around fifth period as they'd been drinking lambrusco at lunch. Sure there are others, but that'll do for now.

Madness : Driving In My Car

Couple of things; Hearts did not 'almost' go bust and slut-shamed, while admittedly brilliant and a perfect descriptor, I think really should be hyphenated. Also this game is a bit of a litmus test for jambos, I know hibs are great comedy value but there really is no excuse for wanting THEM to win anything when ur own team doesn't stand to gain from it. Epic fail, true colours, bus fare missing etc.

Well, you came out with this nonsense... So again I'll ask you to clarify what you mean. I don't know, why does a Thistle fan post 90% about Rangers? I take it you mean me, and you have some evidence to back up your claim. Or are you just exaggerating for effect? Regardless I'll do my best to answer the more accurate question. Why does a Thistle fan post about Rangers? The same reason a Rangers fan posts about Celtic, a Celtic fan posts about Aberdeen, an Aberdeen fan posts about Dundee United. Because Scottish football is a very small pond and right now you c***s are a laugh a minute. I really do get a giggle watching you all and the importance you place on a football team. Although to be fair, the Dundee United thread is bloody good just now.

Followed you? It's hard to avoid you when your posting shite on every thread. By the way, this latest pish doesn't answer my question. Try again.

REM - Driver 8

Is that a euphemism for coming second?

Pals? On an Internet forum? Is there such a thing? You need to get out and start socialising wee man.

"Sectarian cheats"; "Lashing out and swearing"; "buying into the sectarian squabble"; "a focal point for the brain dead, bigoted, pathetic ne-er do-wells" It's a while since The Diddies were in full high dudgeon mode. Has something upset them lately? I've not seen as many people on their high horses since I last saw The Household Cavalry riding down The Mall.

It looked like he was discussing a certain faux killie fan to start with, then he started ranging about Rangers.

I remember a lad in my Primary Class having been off for a considerable amount of time . On the day he did return to school he arrived about an hour late and when our teacher asked where he had been all this time he replied that he had a "big breakfast" - cue hysterical laughter both from the class and the teacher herself😂

Exactly. Some people forget that the human body runs on a £9-per-hour 12-hour shift at the local supermarket. To be at their optimum levels of performance & fitness, they simply need to have the drive & willpower. McGinn & Henderson have clearly spent too much time running and not enough time asking people if they want help with their bags. Absolute disgrace. Ronaldo & Messi are playing at the highest level because they were willing to put in that extra bit of effort, by taking Tracey (at the fish counter)'s Sunday shifts. I just hope Gray & Stevenson shake off their fatigue with their shift on the self-service checkouts tonight: our season could depend on it.

Paul Paton?

Clearly the journalist felt comfortable enough to write the truth about a team in a foreign land. In Scotland a blatant lie must be told for fear of the safety of said journalist, amongst other, equally shameful, reasons.

When you are ending a 132 mile route with Carrot Hill, you need to miss a few.... :-)

The best compensation the players can give fans is securing Championship football for another season. That's something I'm hopeful will happen given our 5 point lead, although we still have a bit to go before we're safe. But it's an absolutely fantastic gesture. It wasn't necessary and it wasn't expected but it's a properly decent thing for the guys to have done. Hopefully it'll add another wee bit to what should be a fantastic atmosphere for our final home game of the season on Saturday. With the Swiss Sons coming over too, this one should be loud. It has to be loud.

I assume '62 refers to Dundee winning the league rather than your year of birth! Otherwise, you must have been kept back in first year maths a few times!

Players compensate fans for the 6-0 pumping at Palmerston - https://sonstrust.wordpress.com/2016/04/19/players-back-the-fans/ I'm quite surprised at that. I felt the shouts for compensation by a few fans were OTT and really quite against the notion of supporting a club. We support Dumbarton, surely anyone following us (especially in this division) knows that there's a chance of an absolute pumping? I found it strange that some feel like there's a sort of minimum score we need to lose by for the performance to be acceptable. Or to put it another way - was losing 2-0 to Livi not a more disappointing away day, given that we were expected to take something from the game and turned in a truly horrific performance with barely a shot on goal? Having said that, I doff my cap to the players for doing it. They really didn't have to and it shows that they hurt in the same way fans do after a bad defeat. Hopefully the fans now turn up and back the team for the last 3 games with this Saturday and at Alloa on the last day (where the bus will now be subsidised) being arguably the two biggest games of our stint in this division.

We had a quality bomb "incident" too. Bear in mind the fact that Faslane was only 3 miles up the road and, in the late 80s, the Irish Troubles were ongoing with regular bombs down south. A slightly strange kid from a couple of years below us brought in a 'device' constructed of wires, plasticine and circuit boards etc. He left at the door of a guidance teacher he'd fallen out with. Cue mass evacuation of 1,000+ delighted kids and panicing teachers. In a slightly sinister fashion, the kid just disappeared and was never heard from... Oh, and on a different note, apparently Terri Green let you piss in her mouth.

We should accept it and sign him IMO

The Sunday Sun never fails to disappoint. Provan back to his 'diddy-bashing' best today. Queens Park being the latest team to feel his wrath. Then you have Richard Gough saying he still doesn't understand why Rangers were placed in League Two. That makes two of us Richard, mate.

Northern speak for ARSE. Wilbo

Ligue 1 needs a strong Angers.