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My pal's school janitor was a small, balding fat guy. Known as Janny de Vito. Also a pal of a pal called Wayne Bruce, gets called Manbat...

Hip-Hip. His real name is Hugh Rae.

There are twenty-five [posters with more than 1000 posts on this thread. Of those, twenty follow teams other than rangers*. Anyone who thinks the BRALT (in times of no/little news on the omnishambles) is anything other than a playground for us to rip the pish out of any berrz stupid/brave/deluded enough to show their (virtual) faces on here simply hasn't been paying attention. *It's actually twenty-five, but try telling them. Diddy fans, eh? WTF are they like...

I make it six Rangers fans in the 1000+ posts club, rather than the five you suggest. I think you've made the mistake of only counting No8 the once.

'en masse' unless there's a kiosk at the chapel.

Just got thinking today about nicknames,what's the best nickname you've heard. My brothers PE teacher Mr Mcaveety (No idea if that's how you spell it but its how its pronounced) was spotted at the Avicii concert in Glasgow. He is now universally referred to as Mr McAvicii. My favourite is 'One size' which is of course Fitz Halls nickname. What other classic nicknames to the P&B community know? Meant to add I had a history teacher called Miss Barr,she taught us about pre war Germany and by the end of the term was referred to by almost everyone in the class as Kaiser Barrhelm,instead of Wilhelm. Quite liked that one!

3 wee lads have came to my door so far tonight. Utterly shite jokes, as expected. The fourth wee lad came in. Shit costume, but as ever, I sat down and let the wee guy deliver his joke. "Knock Knock." I looked at him as if to say "FFS wee man, a knock knock joke? Really? A wee bit of originality wouldn't go a miss." Being the pure good guy I am though, I replied with the standard: "Who's there?" He proceeded by saying: "Rangers." Now, this caught my attention. A joke? About Rangers? Yaldy. Batter on wee man; save this horrific night by ripping the shit out of the late deceased, Glasgow Rangers. With so much excitement built up inside me, I responded with: "Rangers who?" The anticipation was huge, as I waited for the young lads responce. C'mon lad, I believe in you. He took a breath, looked me in the eye and winked, before saying: "Exactly." OOOFFFTTTIIIIEEEEESSSSS! Take all the sweets, lad. You've earned it. Legend.

Made me giggle like a schoolgirl.

My dad was known at work as moon on account of his baw face, nepotism got me a summer job and I was quickly referred to as half moon

Lest we forget ...

I remember someone telling me about a boy at their school who got called "Prince Albert" because his name was Willie Pearson.

Howlin Wolf - Smokestack Lightning

Jethro Tull - From a Deadbeat To An Old Greaser

There was a guy going about Inverness when i was younger who walked with his foot facing sideways. He was called Tony Through Ball.

Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?

Desireless - Voyage Voyage

Tbh, he doesn't sound intelligent enough to think of a windup

I think for me the worrying part is what did they leave behind that this is better?

Better still...................... THE FINANCIAL TIMES !! Would get a more appropriate response from the Fekkin Evening Times !

There's a woman at my work who has long blonde hair and from behind looks amazing but her face is pretty old, haggard and ugly, so she gets called Kronenbourg. She looks 16 from the back, 64 from the front

I lost my custom Elegy RH8 when it blew up (rogue sticky) and had to purchase all my upgrades again when I claimed it back on insurance. Then it got impounded and I couldn't get to it in time so once again, I lost it with all my customisations and I need to buy them again. Not sure why I need to keep buying them. Surely they should just unlock and I can use them on any Elegy RH8. I've spent over 200k on this car ffs. EDIT: Doesn't matter. Turns out I had 4 Elegy RH8's when I phoned the insurance folk. As you were.

Dead Kennedys - California Uber Alles

Pretty sure Murray skelped it in from the halfway line* tbh. Was a derby in the league cup not a few days before that one? Dunfermline won by a mile and Raith looked woeful, the turnaround in less than a week was a nasty shock. *Central Park

Thanks lads for the good luck messages. I've been offered a place to study HNC Business starting from January through in Glasgow.

Begone, back to the seaside league with you

Pulp - Common People

Randy Newman - Short People

Phil Kessels been ridiculously good lately, hopefully continues that tonight. thinking of putting a fiver on leafs, sharks, pens and wings...

http://clickingbad.nullism.com/ Just don't start playing it at work, you'll end up sacked.

Someone's dubbed Tidus from Final Fantasy X's really forced attempts at laughing over the canned laughter on Big Bang Theory and it's worth watching.

An old Sergeant of mine at RAF Lossiemouth was called Aquafresh because he had three stripes and was a tube.

The answer is to post a similar status, and when people ask what's wrong, say your day has been ruined by people vaguebooking.

Heard about a guy who lost a finger in an industrial accident. He gets called Kit Kat

I used to work with a short lad from Stornoway. He was so small that when he walked in the door you couldn't see him if you were sitting down. This led to him getting the nickname "The Breeze".... ETA, I also know of a guy who just came to mind who was so spectacularly ugly, he was known as "Sexual".

The one thing that I hate about this sport is the amount of meaningless statistics that are kept and quoted. American Football has to be the most over analysed sport. Only one statistics matters at the end of the season - Wins

A guy I know with sagging jowls is nicknamed Bag-Pus. An old mate of mine left his works van outside his house one night. Some local neds emptied one of these dogshit bins over it. He sprayed all the shit off with a power hose but some of it got into the air vents and there was this strong stink of shit wafting into the van. At work he was nicknamed Shite Van Man.

There's a woman that use to work for us who's nickname was thrush, because she was an irritating c**t.

Not surprised by that. On the other hand, watching The Jeremy Kyle Show surely has the opposite effect.

Very much depends on your running style. Get yourself to Run4it (other running stores are available) - they'll properly fit you for a pair. £50 may not quite cut it though.

Can i just say a big thanks to those in this thread who taken their time out to speak to me on this thread. My confidence has went right back up in my life. until Hibs to lose tomorrow night

Good morning fellow diddies lest we forget ............. BLUE VERMIN F.C. ( DECEASED ) THE NEWCUNTO F.C.

I think I'd take my chances in these places where white people can't go compared to the worst parts of Glasgow where civilization can't go.

Is it the one below The Conference?

For something that grows naturally in the ground with no refinement needed to it to smoke it. I can't see any reason for it to be illegal

'Tis the season for cheesy songs, I guess:

Had a quick skim through it but will look through it right later.

I wonder what the Vatican will make of pledging nearly £1 million through all their departments

My first flat was this bogging wee number in Dalry. My favourite neighbours were the fucking bum balloons above us, who's bedroom was right above ours. Usually you'll know your neighbours are shagging because you'll hear some kind of rhythmic noise and go "that'll be the bed getting knocked about because their riding" - not the case with these dafties. The Betty was one of they "noisey customers". But not an "ooo" or "ahhh that's the spot" kind of noisey. For the entire duration of her getting her bacon vault filled in by her man friend, at the top of her voice, she'd make this noise which was identical to the noise Dr Zoidberg makes in Futurama when he skuttles away. A sort of "WOOOOOP-WOOOOO-WOOOOP" noise. That. Every night. For about an hour. I really should have evened the score up by blowing into a kazoo the whole time I was getting my hole but sadly I didn't think of that at the time.