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When we left Love Street and moved to the new ground they got some utter w**k on a set of bagpipes and the full tartan regalia that Sir Walter Scott had invented as national dress and we took a tray that the groundsman had obviously prepared earlier which had a sod of turf in it with a white dot representing the centre spot. Then a crowd of us followed the w****r of a piper and his shitty bagpipe screeching down the street to the new ground where the chairman or a lucky dip programme winner then proceeded to put the old centre spot onto the new centre spot. It was fucking shit. I only went on it because the bloke I go to games with had to be in Paisley early to see some auntie of his that had fallen and broken her hip or something. So I went to the march thing and met him at the game. The auntie died a few weeks later, probably from a morphine overdose, which is how most old folk snuff it in hospital. Bed blocking old b*****ds.

There is only one man who can save us:

Someone with more wit than me can probably come up with something better than "Hunz 57 Varieties".

Im not going to be cremated as I have a family mausoleum to go in when I snuff it. But if I did, in order for the kids to gain their considerable inheritance, I'd force them to eat my ashes after they had been mixed into a giant pot of yoghurt (they fucking hate yoghurt) while my lawyer witnesses the entire scenario. It will be character building for them. They can shit me out wherever they feel is appropriate afterwards.

Anyone else hoping for this kind of scenario?!

Orange walks and their Republican equivalents are for folk who are so pathetically sad that they need to gang up together with like-minded morons to make them feel better about their tiny genitals. Dirty, drunken idiots pishing up every side street and disturbing the peace of the non-knuckle-dragging populace. Basically the EDL that the authorities tolerate. Only a society like ours, which is willing to put up with this kind of orchestrated, militant bawbaggery, would allow these cretins to go un-kettled and not-baton-charged by mounted police.

Just heading out now to the tune of a police siren. Could be unrelated. So basically the 12 July celebrations are about the pope and king billy teaming up to beat the Irish so that in the future Protestant Irishmen could be governed, partly, by former IRA commanders? That makes kinda sense...

The man at the front with the stick.

Yes, because teams that play in green just disappear in to the grass...

Aye, and the KKK celebrate the 4th of July. Doesn't mean they're not c***s though.

Orange walks shouldn't be banned, as such - what should happen is that they should say 'Guys, we're just making c***s of ourselves here - let's go home'.

It's going to be tough for me to get round them all, but I'll do my best.

The Jam - Thick As Thieves

Neil Young - The Needle and the Damaged Done

Deep Purple - Black Night

In a pub with Fyne Ales Jarl on handpull and you are drinking Bitburger

Maria McKee - Show Me Heaven

would rather be in previous posters hoose

Cream - White Room

Turnbull Hutton quite open and honest today at Starks when asked about anymore signings, and the clubs future. "certain players chose contracts from elsewhere, but the club always had other plans, not just a plan A. 2players offered terms yesterday one a centre half.. If both sign we still have room on our budget for one more Permanent and possibly 2 loans." "With all the reconstruction talks over and finalised, we feel the club will now move onwards and upwards from here on, grant has done a magnificant job in selling our club to our new players and the players he wanted to keep from last term, hopefully our darker days are now behind us, this is what we've pushed for for" "we now have to grasp this and change our future for the better"

Tolerance isn't an emotion. Seriously, I honestly do think you'd benefit from looking it up. #loveandtolerance

Yup - no surrender to common decency or social progress.

You know, the money from the budget that we'll have? Jeffries has been talking about bringing in players so evidently we do have money. Calm down man. Sent from my GT-I9300 using Pie & Bovril mobile app

Thing is all opinions are just that opinions.Most teams have a basic settled core of players from last season with a few additions ,we dont.East Fife have built a brand new squad from near enough scratch.Nobody knows at this time how this squad will play or gel so making predictions just now is silly.Arbroath and such know to a degree what they are going to get from their team and can make assumptions about them but to make the same assumptions about a completely new team that hasnt even played a game yet is pure folly and might just come back to bite them.

Maybe he just didn't want you knowing where he lives?

We all get a bit over sentimental about our clubs, but that is genuinely one of the most sadly hilarious things I've ever heard of. I've got a vision of it being like the New Orleans funeral at the start of Live and Let Die but with more tartan and and ruddy faces.

Bluesbreakers = It Hurts Me Too

John Lee Hooker - Union Station Blues

You seem kind of upset.

p***ks got me up at 7:45 this morning. Who the f**k rubber stamps this shit? ETA - I'm going to find out which councillors ok'd this then get a shot of an ice cream van and sit it outside their houses at 7:30am for the next few Saturdays and see how those c***s like it.

My village will be hoaching with the thick smelly b*****ds today. Hope they all get sunburn & aids.

Should have STRONGLY ADVISED the dog to sit IMO

So why should we even bother playing this season then since your expert insight obviously is spot on , I'd almost bet my retirement fund that your wrong and come may 2014 you with either beA) Nowhere in sight B) eating crow C) embarrased by your preseason stupidity Sent from my iPhone using Pie & Bovril mobile app East Fife for life !

Just thought I'd pop in and bring down the average age of this thread a bit. As you were.

Yes I lost. And if you had read the large print, you would've easily seen it was the winner to pay. Not as if you haven't previous on not reading things properly. Take investing in rangers football club. Who would've thought you lost your dosh in a company.....duh. Pay up youngsy.

I imagine he's got the image of two sexy sisters in their underwear rolling about the ground "fighting" over a bra. Sadly by the sounds of them it would be more like two ewoks fighting over a branch

And with this post, we may well have arrived at the crux of the issue at the bottom of this case. The constitution settlement at this time is indeed important - nae crucial, in fact. Here's where we differ, though: 1 - It's not worth celebrating; (it's worth remembering, but not celebrating) 2 - The way that this event is 'celebrated' is embarrassing; 3 - Very few of your 'brothers' will be 'celebrating' for the reasons you mention - for them, it's all about getting it up Roman Catholics, because, for their own biggoted reasons, they hate them.

She's actually wearing a "sheepdog" bra - it rounds them up & points them in the right direction. In her case, though, their heading for different pens.

1. Last week 2. Wuss is no less cool than plastic, diddy, etc. You'll soon get used to the name, wuss.

I just listened to the podcast, what an unbelievable story! The dignity he has shown was incredible! I would have went all Gerard butler in. Law abiding citizen! How can the girl get away with this! Here's hoping he is a success in the NFL!

2013. Fucking hell.

If the marchers were to do the entire route on space hoppers I may have to revisit my opposition to flagrant bigotry.

I quite like the cynicism of indoctrinating children into something by bribing them with bouncy castles. That's the type of evil thinking that gets you places. Just a short hop from that to "blow up this police station and you'll be rewarded with your hole".

Just checked and the maximum possible IQ is 200. Seville IQ calculator?

"Auntie, either your fanny's needing a scrub or the hoose is about to burn doon. Either way, I'm out through the window"

You're married, it's always the husband's fault. I got the blame for not lifting her presciption on Saturday .Me: "You never reminded me when I was going out." Her: "You heard me on the phone yesterday when I ordered them." So I'm obviously supposed to eavesdrop on all her phone conversations and act on them accordingly. I'm the one who is supposed to remember all her hospital appointments. Why?

Delighted for him!

Because I'm not. I can and do get a bit annoyed from time to time - discovering that nescafe's 'unsweetened' cappuccino sachets still contain around 5g of sugar is an example. I was getting frustrated trying to find the faulty component in my new (and otherwise excellent) diabetic control regime until I came across that information. But, diddy club fans speaking out of turn about the Rangers? Sorry - you'll have to find another target for the idea that we might care what you think about anything to do with our team.

Poor Kylie...... my heart bleeds .... Ex-Rangers striker Kyle Lafferty is told he can leave FC Sion, while new Rangers signing Cammy Bell opens up about his move to Ibrox Kyle Lafferty is ‘useless’ and can leave Sion FC, says chairman Former Rangers striker Kyle Lafferty has been told his career at Swiss side FC Sion is over.