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I've got a punchbag and when there's no one in I put on my boxing shorts (a pair of metallic blue addidas shorts that are about 4 sizes too big) and my dressing gown, play my entrance music and introduce myself as the Middleweight champion of the world before standing on the makeshift ropes (the sofa and armchairs) taking the adulation from the crowd.

Google images must have got a restraining order.

Glasgow road establishment? Sounds like jarvies?

I can absolutely assure you that I was and still am 100% stone-cold, acohol-free sober! No, until I get to know her a bit better, I'm assuming she is a throwback to an earlier generation in her family where a rich, handsome member of the aristocracy had a drunken shag with the sluttiest kitchen-maid up the back stairs of the baronial hall in Bellahouston and it is only now that the superior DNA ha managed to surface to supremamcy after years of submersion in the aformention knuckle-dragging gene pool. Edit: BTW, should you not be adding "Unbeaten in 2010" to your sig?

She's a lot better than most of them - she actually has a document giving directions to the stadium. That means she's been to maybe about four games this season and very possibly stayed there until the 55th minute. Staunch!

I'm still not as low as you are. I want you to feel the pain.

You are a bad Ghostie, don't turn it round on me, I was quoting someone you "confirmed". I will sadly have to give you another one for that.

My apologies! Okay, how about this then...