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  1. 91 points
    Dude, the Colt teams (we call them Young Ajax/PSV/and so on) have ruined our lower leagues and anyone from the SFA trying to butter fans up to their inclusion is lying through their teeth as to the reasons for their inclusion; these officials can and should be considered snake oil merchants as far as I'm concerned. We had Young Ajax win our Championship in 2017/2018, partly because their side was stacked with first team members who needed some game time and a fair few players like Carel Eiting and Noussair Mazraoui who will be playing Spurs tomorrow. All Young/Colt teams play in front of empty stands, bring zero away fans, and cause a dip in attendances whenever they visit a real club because, frankly, no one can get excited about playing them. The Scottish pyramid has enough problems on its own without Colts running around shitting up the place.
  2. 69 points
  3. 61 points
  4. 58 points
    Last night, I blocked my toilet. Normally a few flushes and it goes. Not this fucker. A full foot in length with a girth which nearly tore me in half. It took half a bog roll to clean it up too. The bowl remained stubbornly half full. I made a simple request of the rest of the family. Please shit in the toilet upstairs until this monstrosity has been condemned to the watery grave it deserves. A simple request. Unheeded, 3 (yes THREE) other people decided to take a dump ON TOP of mine. Then....and I can hardly bring myself to type the words..... Someone flushed. What happened next needed to be experienced to be believed. One of the family (nobody is admitting it) tried to break it up with the brush (not a toothbrush obviously - that would be fucking stupid). Clearly whoever it was forgot the water was now brimming round the surface. Apparently they stirred it like it was a pot of soup - perhaps a hearty winter broth. That caused some....overflow. Fortunately, we have linoleum so the damage was minor. Although some dried brown streaks evidenced under the sink that the person made an attempt to wipe up but they used a ton of toilet paper and then they threw the massive soggy, shitty ball of toilet paper into the already full toilet and it landed where it remained, on the top of the devastation. Those who are familiar with the works of Archimedes will know that this ball of heavy, soaking toilet paper displaced it's own weight of shitty water right back out onto the floor again - not quite a tsunami but considerably more of it came out than before. Clearly defeated, they turned out the light and went to bed but not before hauling the toilet brush out of the bowl from whence it had been mostly submerged in the murky waters and replaced it in the holder covered in several chunks of meaty goodness leaving a wet brown trail behind it. Sadly the poo pixies didn't turn up during the night to clean up. At 3 am I wandered in for my early morning toilette. Now I have a tendency to pee in the dark but because my house is full of women, I sit down on the pan out of respect. The first sign of some trouble was wet feet (not a problem usually as sometimes the floor gets wet from handwashing) but then in horror I realised the seat had been left up and I plonked straight onto the bare bowl and my ageing cock and balls suddenly plunged into cold wetness. For a moment I was too stunned to move. And then something solid made contact with my exposed dangling organs and I leapt a good two feet in the air and screamed. To cut a long story short, I switched on the light and saw a scene of total carnage. Sacrificing a hand towel to cover my dignity I had a quick shower (my organs were tender from the scraping when I had finished) and a bowl of well earned porridge whilst I considered what to do. I considered calling a plumber and then remembered I am a man. I did what any man would do under the circumstances. I tried to wake my wife. She wasn't having it though so I got out the marigolds, a bin liner and dived right in. At first the going was easy. I was scooping out solid matter like a digger in a ditch and my bin liner was filling up nicely. Then disaster struck. To get to the real blockage I had to go around the U-bend slightly. My confidence high, I went for it at full pelt. And forgot that my gloves weren't long enough . As I reached the blockage, my marigolds went completely under the water and everything poured in to my now unprotected hand. At this point I am close to tears. The smell was indescribable. I won't lie. I panicked. I hauled my hand out of the bowl fast and there was some spillage and spattering. Fortunately my mouth was almost closed so it could have been worse. The wall is easily cleaned I suppose. Now I am close to vomiting but I have in my hand the final sludgey mass which was blocking the pipe and to my enormous relief, the water disappeared. A second shower and 45 minutes of tooth brushing and I was spic and span again. I won't lie. It wasn't an experience I am keen to re-live any time soon. Someone in my family is getting a sore bottom today for this. I dare any of you to tell me you've experienced worse today. It's not even 6.30am Oh and the fucking bin outside was full so I have a bag of shite sitting in my garage until Thursday when the bins get emptied.
  5. 56 points
    ...Albert Kidd Day on this fine May morning. Though I think the spirit of the day has been lost somewhat in the commercialisation of the holiday, we should still take some time out of our day to remember its true meaning. The 3rd of May 1986 could've been a day cemented in Hearts, and indeed Scottish football, folklore forever. Instead, it's cemented in my wankbank. Here are a few of my favourite photos from the glorious afternoon in question. You might be wondering where current Hearts manager and perennial trophy virgin Craig Levein is in that last photo. He isn't in it, but don't worry, I've found one of him in the archives. Unquestionably the greatest day in Hibs' proud 144 year history. God bless Albert Kidd, Dundee Football Club, Glasgow Celtic Football Club, the nation of Australia and the Footballing Gods for that simply GLORIOUS afternoon. We will always remember, you will never forget. Off to open presents with the kids now.
  6. 55 points
    Kit Harrington confirmed on Graham Norton that it was filmed over 55 straight night shoots which is some record seemingly. A great big army of dead zombies going for 55..... sounds familiar tbh.....
  7. 45 points
  8. 45 points
    ^^^ SuperScoreboard’s audience found
  9. 42 points
  10. 39 points
    How many fucking times are they going to try this, they've already had about four votes on it laughed out by the lower league clubs so are now trying another different approach Why are they even getting these opportunities to vote on it? It looks fucking decades to get a pyramid set up, yet as soon as Rangers and Celtic want something, theres a vote every month.
  11. 39 points
    I think if you had offered Falkirk getting relegated on goal difference in October they would have taken it.
  12. 37 points
    Just ban him. Hes a fanny f**k it, I've had a long day, got the Bannon thing wrong in thread earlier, saw my son lose a 9 goal thriller for Falkirk this morning, saw Linlithgow score 7 at Musselburgh to make it to a cup semi (i'm club sec, the semi is 29th if anyone wants to come) banned two dickheads for homophobic comments earlier plus someone for racism. Had too watch my wife's telly choice tonight. f**k it he is banned.
  13. 37 points
    Sad news that well known Accies fan,Derek Findlay has passed away after losing his fight with kidney cancer at the age of 45. Derek went home and away with myself for 30+ years and leaves behind Ross,his son who still goes to games.Social Media is awash with tributes to Big Del who was there with myself and others all the way from The SPL to The Seaside Leagues and all the way back and he was one of those who fought hard to get us back to Hamilton after seven homeless years. He used to post on here up until a few years ago and we are all devastated. RIP Derek Findlay-a great Accie.
  14. 37 points
    Well today is my second birthday after receiving my stem cells back this afternoon! Now time for them to graft back into the bone marrow. Quite emotional watching them dance up the tube back into my blood stream. Hope this spells the start of a long remission period for me
  15. 35 points
    Final Standings With the regular season done and dusted, Cove Rangers and Berwick Rangers finished top and bottom of their respective divisions; Cove Rangers won the Highland League for the second year running, this time around clinching a 8 point gap over second placed Brora - in 17/18, the Aberdeen-based side finished 11 points ahead of Formartine, showing that these particular Rangers seem to be a bigger fish than the size of their pond lets on. Incredibly, 100 goals were scored across 34 matches, with the Cove goalie conceding just 12(!). This strong form continued into the first round of the promotion play-offs, with a scrappy 1-2 win at East Kilbride's K-Park being followed up with a comprehensive 3-0 rout of the Lowland champions at Balmoral Stadium - a 5-1 aggregate is nothing to scoff at. On the other side of the trapdoor, Berwick Rangers' bottom completely fell out - 19 lonesome points being three worse than Cowdenbeath's tally in 17/18 and 13(!) less than East Stirlingshire's record during the season in which they were relegated. Since the introduction of the then-Third Division back in 1994/1995, only three sides scored fewer points than this season's Dream Team; Albion Rovers in 94/95 and East Stirlingshire in 02/03 and 04/05. Things could have been different, for this season's Albion Rovers are the second worst 9th placed team - behind the 03/04 Elgin City side (25 points) - but Berwick failed to capitalize on Rovers' insanely week start to the season under John 'Let's sign Alloa's development squad and call it a day' Brogan. Cove Rangers Back in 2017/2018, the Cove Rangers thread down in the Highland League section of Pie & Bovril was titled 'Cove on the Move' - a play on words that may well have proven to be prophetic were it not for scrappy Cowdenbeath barring the Highland League champions entry to League 2 in the play-offs. Another season of battering the other Highland sides later and the 7-times champions are eager to succesfully operate the Trapdoor this time around - this time with a scintillating form to their name seeing as the last time Cove dropped points was way back on the 23rd of March, when Brora held the blue-clad Aberdeen squad to a 1-1 draw. For comparison, the last time Berwick picked up any points was the 19th of March..... Since the Brora bump in the road, Cove played and won 5 league games - Fort William, Wick Academy, Keith, Forres Mechanics, and Clachnacuddin were all beaten - scoring 15 times and conceding just once. The last time a team put more than a single goal past Cove was on the 6th of March (Rothes scored twice but shipped 6 goals themselves) and the last time a team actually beat them was on December 1st 2018 when Fraserburgh secured a 1-0 win at home. Cove's team features a smattering of SFL experience, including the likes of Martin Scott (ex-Livi, Hibs, Ross County, Arbroath, Stenny, Raith, and Salgaocar - wait, who?), Jamie Masson (Aberdeen, Elgin, Brechin), Jordon Brown (Aberdeen, Forfar, and about 180 matches for Peterhead), and Mitchel Megginson (Aberdeen, Arbroath, Brechin, Alloa, Dumbarton, and Brechin). Blair Yule of Arbroath fame is another prominent member of the squad, as is Ryan Strachan - another former Peterhead stalwart. Berwick Rangers Click the spoiler for a season recap Berwick Rangers haven't won a game - or indeed picked up points - since the 19th of March when league leaders Peterhead were beaten 2 to 0. Since, 6 matches under Johnny Harvey resulted in 0 goals forward and 20 against, while the single match under John Browlie and Ian Little was a merciful 2-0 loss at the hands of Elgin. A team that has been built, refurbished, and demolished by Robbie Horn and Johnny Harvey this season, Berwick's hopes are pinned on key players Dougie Brydon and Jordan Orru, both returning from a couple of weeks of injury, and Ousman 'Ouzy' See, who has been out of the game for about 8 months following a broken leg incurred at Montrose (back when they were still in League 2). Promotion/Relegation Play-Off; Leg 1 of the Trapdoor Having mentioned Montrose we can safely say that there is a life after the Trapdoor - with the Angus side having impressively secured a second season in League 1. Of course, the Gable Endies never actually fell down to the Highland/Lowland League. Conversely, League 2 strugglers of old East Stirlingshire are into their theird season in the Lowland League, with crowds averaging 180 odd fans having witnessed a sixth place finish this season. The other SFL team to have experienced the perils of the Trapdoor - Cowdenbeath - have steered clear of immediate danger by ending 6th in League 2 this season. Whichever example Berwick Rangers will follow - survival and great/limited success or relegation and a new reality - the Dream Team have one final shot to save their skin and membership of the SFL due to the relatively closed-off nature of the pyramid, which is more than most teams in their position in other European countries can say. Even then, should relegation occur, Berwick will receive parachute payments (possibly in the form of Ladbrokes sponsorship like East Stirlingshire received) and continued access to the Challenge and League Cups for 2019/2020. Still, with East Kilbride continuing their stint in the Lowland League, the Wee 'Gers will be in serious trouble if they want to bounce back at the first time of asking. As for Cove, promotion to League 2 will have never been easier to achieve than this season given the league performance of Club 42, and the Aberdeen-side will be hungrier than ever following their controversial (their words, not mine) defeat at the hands of Cowdenbeath last season. They seem to have outgrown the Highland League and have shown willingness to be promoted - and should they reach their goal they will undoubtedly make a fist of their first season in the SFL, which should worry the current members. May 11th will be the first leg of this play-off between two very different teams, both with their own ambitions; Cove will look to turn their home advantage into a convincing win to make the return a dead rubber, whilst Berwick will be pleased to keep the tie alive ahead of their home match on the 18th of May. If you are in the area, consider making the trip to Balmoral Stadium and see for yourself how exciting football at this level and stage of the season can be. Cove play in all-blue adidas teamwear at home; considering the fact that Berwick's away shirt is light blue with navy shorts and hooped socks, expect the Black and Gold to turn out in, well, black and gold. I don't have a graphic for Cove's kit so please accept my substituting it with the 2010/2011 Peterborough United home shirt.
  16. 32 points
  17. 31 points
    I don't have my spreadsheet to hand but I think Falkirk might be 100% down? As in down 1000 times out of 1000? Someone else can do the maths if they want.
  18. 31 points
    Montrose would be a good addition, mon up. Assuming we stay, that would be quite a fun away day. Arbroath and Montrose away days would be class.
  19. 30 points
    After that speech from Sir Steve I've no doubt he's moving on, almost certainly to the Scotland job. I know the success of teams you don't support is boring, but I can't thank Sir Steve enough for what he's done. To see Rugby Park filled with Killie fans and absolutely rocking today was amazing, usually we're outnumbered by the cheeks in our own ground but today the away support couldn't have been more of an irrelevance. I've seen us win trophies, but when the final whistle went I was close to tears - I honestly never thought I'd get to watch Killie in Europe again (was too young to appreciate it the last time) and the past 18 months (and the rest) have probably been my best supporting Killie - I genuinely expected to win today. There's a good chance we'll go back to being shite now Sir Steve is going, but today is the kind of day you live for as a diddy club fan
  20. 30 points
    I started supporting City way back in the olden days when we had Mancini as boss, and guys like Dzeko, Kolarov etc in the team. Stuck with the team through thick and thin over the years though and the faith is justified as we top off this season with yet another Premier League. So emotional right now.
  21. 30 points
    James Collins. Replacement for Leigh '28 goals' Griffiths. £210,000 bid accepted. Utter goal virgin. Contributes to our relegation. Goes back down south and starts scoring for fun again. Playing in the English Championship next season with Luton.
  22. 29 points
    Less than three years ago we took a first leg lead to Kilmarnock in the playoff final. We're now in League One and Killie are in Europe.
  23. 29 points
    Yes, exactly. My problem isn't with the consumption of the ale, just the banging on about it afterwards. To be fair though, lengthy discussion of any topic in which you don't have an interest is going to be annoying. If you must do it, don't do it in public. I once stayed in a hotel which happened to be hosting a chess tournament, and all the players would gather in the reception area and talk about epic games they'd won in the past. I hate chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
  24. 29 points
    The golden rule at Ibrox tomorrow lads: if it's blue, follow through. Whenever the opposition's Der ***, always go in with two feet, never one. And when we hear them sing The Sash, our elbows are high and our challenges rash. Whilst we’re unbeaten against Stevie Gerrard, we’ll make sure we go in high, late and hard. When facing the team who surrendered the cup, we’ll be doubly certain to keep our studs up. Diving wee fannies we cannot allow, take a seat son, cause you're our bitches now. We chased you round Hampden, we'll do it again. You can rely on the Hibees to dish out the pain. And if the Gers want to keep all of their teeth, it’s best to avoid the young team frae Leith.
  25. 29 points
    Looking forward to Scott McDonald's inclusion.
  26. 28 points
    Thomas Reilly playing in the Lowland League is a crime against nature. I don't think any part-time club in the country will make such an eye-catching series of signings this summer, yet I still fancy Barry Ferguson to make a pig's ear of it and finish in fourth.
  27. 28 points
    Remember when all the Falkirk fans were shooting their load about all their signings in the summer? Remember when they used their “biggest budget in a decade” to sign their worst team in decades? Remember when they invaded the pitch after scoring a late penalty at Queens, which allowed Queens the time to equalise, which ultimately was the difference between them staying up and being relegated? Superb stuff. I’ll get the Seaside League Survival guide down from the loft for you.
  28. 27 points
    What a load of shite. What are you expecting the SPFL to honestly do here? Play the final game on a Sunday, or a Friday night, or a 12:30 on a Saturday even? Also, when should have last night’s game have been played? There’s a Champions league game on Wednesday night and Europa League on Thursday... Honestly, if you are that so desperate to watch the Champions League or the FA Cup over the rovers, feel free. I’d have watched last nights game over that Liverpool game every day of the week.
  29. 27 points
    This is the sort of self-preservationist streak that enables shite like this to get voted through. Colt teams are a bad idea full stop. It doesn't matter if it's a Rangers colt team, a Celtic colt team, a Hibs colt team, a Guards from Escape to Victory colt team, they are all bad for the game and the league. It is an insult to the clubs at the bottom of the pyramid and it should never happen. If Hibs were to introduce a colt team into the SPFL system, my season ticket would be in the bin and they wouldn't be getting another penny from me.
  30. 27 points
  31. 27 points
    Greenock Morton haven't done anything of note in around at least 80-90 years, so I'd say them.
  32. 27 points
    Step up from your noncey use of that close up of an 8 year old lassie so kudos on that.
  33. 27 points
    Don't thinks so, mate. Oh, wait a minute.
  34. 26 points
  35. 26 points
    Blackburn United's licence has been formally approved by the SFA Board today, so excellent news for us. I don't know anymore than that ie what other clubs have also been approved.
  36. 26 points
    That's quite the legacy that Paul Hartley is leaving around Scotland at the moment. There are folk who might think it's harsh to blame him for both Dundee and Falkirk's relegations, but I'm going to. He's lined them up like a trick-shot of managerial mediocrity. The smug, fat fucker. I'd like to think this will be enough to make sure he never works again, except maybe at Morton.
  37. 26 points
    Falkirk will do anything to stay up, won't they?
  38. 26 points
  39. 26 points
    Only needing to avoid losing 2-0 on their own patch on the final day of the season to secure the title. Losing 2-0 and missing out on the title at the hands of Killie by 0.042 of a goal on goal average, when goal difference would've won them the title. Going to the suits at Hampden and asking them to scrap goal average and bring in goal difference. The SFA agree and do away with goal average in favour of goal difference six seasons later. Fast forward 15 years and they only need to draw at Dens Park to secure the title. Choke and lose 2-0 again, and throw away the title on goal difference. When the goal average they did away with would've won them the league. Blame St Mirren for their own inability to draw a game of football. Still without another title since, and hopefully will never win one again.
  40. 26 points
    "Anti-Fascists are as bad as Fascists" is, and has always been, the argument of an imbecile.
  41. 26 points
    It won't be a rapist, we can be certain of that.
  42. 26 points
    According to Ray McKinnon: if you'd asked the NK, back in Season 2, he'd be happy to get so close to Bran with only 3 episodes remaining.
  43. 26 points
    As an after dinner speaker, I remember him telling a funny, self-deprecating, story about how, on holiday, his wife used to wear his European Cup medal on a pendant round her neck. The woman on the next sunbed asked what she had on the pendant , so Mrs McNeil regaled her with the full story - My husband is a footballer for a very good team - Celtic, you might have heard of them. They won the European Cup in 1967. You have to win your national league to qualify for the EC. It's the the best thing you can win at club football, etc etc etc. The woman listened politely. That night at dinner in the hotel they were sat next to and introduced to the woman and her husband - Arie Haan, winner of three European Cup medals !
  44. 26 points
  45. 25 points
    There was a good tweet about this I can't find but it went like this: Employers: We care about your mental wellbeing and want to support you. Employees: How about paying us more and hiring more staff so we're not under so much stress? Employers: lol not like that here's a mindfulness slideshow.
  46. 25 points
    This type of thing is always a disappointment to read, although I really should be inured to it by now as it seems it has always been difficult to obtain a degree of respect for Blackburn United’s off field achievements from many within and without the game. All too often these achievements are summarily dismissed in just such an offhand and dismissive way. I don’t wish to list on a public forum all that has gone into taking Blackburn United from a one team Junior side playing out of a dilapidated and unfit for purpose old ground to the multi-team, all-inclusive Club that it is today, playing in what I hope might be thought of as one of the best facilities in West Lothian and, perhaps, further afield too. What I will say is that it has taken a dozen plus years of a small core of peoples time to arrive at where we are today and there has been no little sweat spilled and there has been no little tears – tears of frustration and tears of sadness too. Fortunately there has been no blood spilled – as far as I’m aware! My username isn’t a pseudonym and I’m contactable directly through the club website so please do so, if you wish, and I would be happy to arrange to meet you at New Murrayfield Park to give you just a flavour of the efforts that small core of people have put in and what that small core have had to sacrifice to achieve what we have at our club. If it was as simple as “filling out forms” then I might just have had a much less stressful time over the years.
  47. 25 points
  48. 25 points
    Celtic win the league and your first thought is Rangers What a horrendous life.
  49. 25 points
    When you see that Magee is agreeing with you.
  50. 25 points
    We were truly gubbed by a very good team. We just cannot take early chances to give us a lift. In the end the superior team won. Feel for Rankin - looked nasty. Hope he can recover from this. Whilst not wishing to do you any favours next week I do hope we can beat Peterhead and you win the league. You have undoubtedly been the best team in the Division this season. Good luck.
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