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To liven things up, how about we say that the winners get to beat Falkirk in the last game of the season?

If any of the other Highland League teams fancied a crack at promotion they should have won the league. It’s shite that this has happened but nobody else deserves a shot at the playoffs.

Just back from Islecroft; best fiver I've spent in an age. I'll start with the scoreline: Dalbeattie Star 2 v 3 Abbey Vale, although that does not even begin to tell the story. League blown wide open so a title decider at Castle Cary awaits whenever that will be. Tonight's match was a tale of a  missed pen, a goal that should have stood, an offside goal, a shocking goal line clearance, a referee who didn't appear to know the rules of the game he was officiating, a stand side AR who was out way past his bedtime. Where to start; Well at 1931hrs, according to my phone, the referee we shall call him Michael, seeing as that's his name blew his whistle to commence the match. But none of us watching was prepared for what was to follow. Star started quite brightly and tested the agility of the Vale keeps early. Vale settled into their rhythm shortly after and a very eye-pleasing tune they played for us. The first incident of note arrived within the first 15 mins; and it was a perfect precursor for what was to follow. The Vale 11, not for the last time got goal side of the Star right back, whom I believe was sporting the captains armband, the Star keeps rushed out and duly brought down the Vale 11 but immediately the ball rolled to another Vale forward whose shot ruffled the net. A deserved lead for Vale you might say, not according to our Michael who for some unknown reason waited until the ball was at the 'goalscorers' feet before putting his whistle to his lips and cut through the clear evening sky with a crisp shrill. What about advantage I hear you ask, apparently not. I will be honest in admitting I am unsure of the rule regarding any caution to the offending keeper, he escaped any card of any colour which I found surprising. Of course he then compounded Vales misery by managing to get his legs in the way of the ball's journey into his net. Michael doesn't like the Vale apparently. Within 5 mins or so Star rubbed salt into the gaping Vale wound by scoring twice. The first was a well worked attacking play finished off with aplomb by one Dale Milligan, who impressed all night. The only one in red and black who did if I am honest. The second well, this is were our young AR enters the story. I cant recall the players in this act, but a cross comes in from this standside and there is a Star player in an offside position, now I cant recall if he touched the ball or not but in any case our agile keeps pushes out the ball which arrives at another Star player who duly dispatched the ball home. A few of the Vale players politely enquired of the AR why he didn't raise his wee flag, something he didn't do very often this night. I wonder if his mammy had told him it would be considered rude to do so before he left nursery, I mean home. I heard him answer 'he was onside', to which a Vale player asked, again politely, who played him on; there is always one smart arse who spoils a good lie. I did not hear an answer from our young AR. Again maybe his mammy had told not to talk back to his elders. (I may come across as being surprised by the politeness of the questioning of our baby AR, coming from Glasgow I am. Approx 1 min after the Star player scored at least one defender back home would at the very least be screaming in the AR's face, before resorting to a physical accost upon not receiving a heartfelt apology for the flag not being raised) Seems a very polite lady does Mammy AR. Told you Michael hated the Vale I was informed again. It did look a reasonable assumption at this point. Now at this point no-one would have blamed the Vale lads for chucking it and resorting to taking a few bodies, again the Glasgow Way to answer an injustice. But no these boys are better than me. They continued to play their eye-pleasing brand of this beautiful game and were duly rewarded with a beautifully executed goal.  From this point till Michael blew his whistle around 2020, I wasn't paying attention to my phone by this stage, Star were in panic mode and without threatening to equalise Vale controlled the flow of the game.  To conclude my half-time report I will just add that our Michael did indeed apply the advantage rule on more than one occasion which makes his pen/non goal decision more perplexing. He did incur the wrath of the Star faithful by booking the Star no.4 who politely, I presume, enquired why the Vale no.8 did not receive a caution for trying to remove his legs near halfway. Apparently Michael does not like Star too.  Michael does not seem to like much in life. Anyway half-time arrived Star 2-1 up. The second half to be honest did not live up or add to the dramatics of the first. It was for the most part played in the Star half and for the 2nd Thursday in a row I found myself disappointed by Star. Their main tactic seemed to be get the ball as quickly as possible up to our Dale. Our Dale cut a very furlong figure in this half. The 2 Vale goals were not things of beauty this time. More like the old Keystone Cops flicks from days of yore. The equaliser came after a corner, I think, it bounced around the Star box before a shot of sorts trickled past the keeper and the fella on this standside post managed to kind of fall over the ball and it went under or through or something his legs into the net. Star now fully entered that room we have all inhabited at some point; absolute blind panic. Any thought of the beautiful game was not on any of their minds. Their shape, tactics, any footballing sense was now long gone never to return it seemed. The Vale winner duly arrived again after a corner, I think, by this stage my brain was on overload unable to compute and store what was taking place before my eyes. Again it was a messy affair leaving a Vale player strewn on the ground possibly unaware that a teammate had blown the title wide open and won't have to buy a drink in Creetown ever again. That's if there was anywhere to drink in Creetown other than at Castle Cary Park. There were a few comical happenings that took place before the final curtain. Again on this standside side, I promise the players did use the full pitch.  On a few occasions a throw in and a few free-kicks were given to the wrong side, very obviously in fact. The most comical for me was when a Vale player put the ball out of play on this standside, sorry already told you that, and our foetal AR, he did seem to get younger as the game wore on, waited until Michael told him to put his flag up, so polite down here, only problem he gave the throw in to Vale. I don't think Michael wanted to hurt his feelings  by correcting him. At some point Michael decided enough was enough and allowed us all to catch our breath. There was a bit of verbal jousting between some Star faithful and a member of the Vale coaching staff who was quite vocal in his happiness at the result. Our Michael and his cohorts were last into the lovely green stand that adorns the Islecroft. Not before a few of  the aforementioned Star faithful had called into question his abilities. As bad as Michael was I think the Star faithful should look to their own to apportion any culpability in what had just transpired. As I said 200 pages ago best fiver I've spent in an absolute age, bring on the title decider don't care who wins and don't care how many goals the Broxies or indeed Talbot score against them, I will be there hopefully enjoying my football as it should be. footnote: @PossilYM now that's how you give a scoreline.

Children's TV in the Eighties had the strange idea of getting viewers to phone in to control characters in computer games with their voices. Off the top of my head, I remember them using Xenon, Weird Dreams, and Magic Pockets, but there were probably more. Kids would supposedly say up, down, fire, or whatever and the character would somehow respond (this wasn't technology that existed back then). We were more naive then; I don't think you could do that now without viewers realising that the delay would've been so huge that you'd have died long before you saw the game even appear on your TV at home.