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Pie Hard; Aberdeen

Pie 5. Mince Pie (£1.80) served at Pittodrie Stadium, Aberdeen.
Aberdeen FC 1 - 0 Dundee FC.
Scottish League Cup Second Round. 23/08/2011.

A trip to the "fityelikeloon" City? League Cup business? Had to be done really. Dundee and Aberdeen have long held a rivalry. To them we're a bunch of junkie c***s coming straight out of Slumtown. To us they are a bunch of mutton molesters who would worry a Flossy from 100 yards. I'd say it's a friendly rivalry but it isn't really. There is a certain undercurrent of hatred that could only fester between 2 cities on the North East coast of Scotland that don't really matter to the rest of the United Kingdom. Aberdeen has the oil, we have the, erm. We have teenage pregnancy and stuff. It was a pleasant evening to travel up. Pittodrie is an old stadium I have visited on countless occassions in my time following Dundee. It has seen some classic moments. Claudio Cannigia prodding home a goal in his first game for the club in the early turn of the century is something I don't think I'll ever forget and we generally play quite well up here. A heady atmopsphere is also created as the away end is open to the elements and right next to a segregation fence meaning you can get face-to-face with your rival fans and many splats of angry spittle have crossed the divide as each band of supporters goad each other about their junkie/sexual relations with a farmyard animal status.


Hard to comment on. As you can see the away end pie stand has the type of security probably only seen in a backstreet pawn shop in South Central Los Angeles where various recently discharged handguns are fenced in exchange for rocks of crack cocaine. The simple folly of last Saturdays eyeing up the Livingston pie-stand jailbait was soon forgotten as surly male youths patrolled and doled out your pie with a suspicious eye cast over you.
The sauce selection was better defended than Hitler's Berlin bunker. Since my last visit a few seasons ago they have had the sense to put up a barrier on the far side of the serving area as the home fans pie stall is just at the other side of there.


A mixed bag. I never really found out if the full selection was available as the staff looked ready to crack you in the puss if you requested anything other than something off the stated menu.
Feeling tired of the recent steak pies and their crumbling pastry debacles I asked for a mince pie. "Ye want a Pittodrie pie then?" Whatever, mate. I reckon a Matchday Special involved you paying some money to be taken outside and given a severe magic circle by a mob of hard fuckers in tackety boots. The pies were reasonably priced but you were looking at a bit of a pumping of the wallet to have sampled a hot dog or a burger and the soft drink prices were a bit of a joke. Far from the worst we'll see this season though. My pie was given to me with an air of malevolence so I only dared to quickly stick my hand under the security wire and nab a brown sauce then swiftly heading off to eat it before I ended up counting the teeth I no longer owned anymore. How did it taste though?

A reversal on this seasons previous efforts. This one looked dodgy from the get-go. Plenty of heat came through the tin tray but it appeared shrunken into the container like some sort of fucked up mummified Egyptian relic. There was no nuclear gravy fallout this time around but an undistinguishable brown splat on the top resembled the skidmark on a fat girls panties. The pastry looked like an unusual mix of puff lid and bog-standard pastry walls. It was hot though and invited me to bite in. 3/10

This pie had possibly been reheated one too many times. Shrinkage had clearly occurred and while the lid of the pie was soft and fairly succulent the sides fractured just by innoculously touching them much like Emile Izegurie's shins on the Pittodrie turf a couple of weeks ago. I got it in hand and chomped in but the soft lid tore away quickly while the brittle walls held firm before crumbling in hand. Not the best but I could now at least see what was contained inside. 4/10

Finally, people. A winner! Unusual for a mince pie option there seemed to be some gravy in the mix here. Normally just undistinguishable fat-blobs form the basis of the mince in a football pie. The filling here was topped to perfection with juicy reconstituted meat that was a joy to savour. While the crust was not up to fully containing my meat prize I did the chunk-dance and munched into it like Pac Man on a power-pill. An ample pepper spread into the mix spiced up what was probably just some hooves and bumholes from a recently pumped farmyard animal. My carefully applied brown sauce saturated into the mix even further making for a spicy mince treat. I devoured it all with a fervor. 8/10

No bother here. While the lid was soft the rest of the pie was fully fired and holding and eating this one in hand was not a problem. In the shrunken state it was presented to me this pie popped out of the tin container and into my gob with no dramas. I can forgive having to juggle the generous filling near the end. Definitely a cut above anything else I've had this season. I ate it to a satisfying conclusion. My signature pie terrace-slamdunk move would have to wait for another time. 8/10

The first above average pie of this season. The pie stall staff in Aberdeen may make you feel about as welcome as Pedobear at a christening but get one in. A quality filling and plenty of good heat and firing make the Pittodrie pie one to try.

Pittodrie. "We're only here for the seagulls!"

Not far to travel this weekend to check out the Dens Park pies. Catch the review soon.

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