I could only think of 4
1. A long stand
2. Tartan paint
3. A bubble for the spirit level
4. A left handed screwdriver
Full Version: Things To Send Your Apprentice For
bucket of steam
skyhooks
long stand
left handed screw driver
tartan paint
skyhooks
long stand
left handed screw driver
tartan paint
Sky hooks
A tin of elbow grease
A big weight
Can't think of 5 either!!
A tin of elbow grease
A big weight
Can't think of 5 either!!
Left handed Hammer
Left Handed Spirit level
Tartan Paint
Long Stand
Big Weight.
Left Handed Spirit level
Tartan Paint
Long Stand
Big Weight.
Worked in a hospital in my younger days and new staff members were often sent round the wards asking if they could borrow some fallopian tubes.
When at School me and my mate worked at a Garage. Next door was the tyre place. I was doing degrading office jobs, whilst my mates work experience consisted of pulling out the weeds (which the council came to do the next day), Painting the doors etc... So I felt I got off pretty well. Anyway, back to the point, they sent my mate (yes it was my mate, not me) to the Tyre shop for some "long weight tyres". Took him a while to click on
QUOTE (tongue_tied_danny @ Aug 7 2008, 09:52) 
Worked in a hospital in my younger days and new staff members were often sent round the wards asking if they could borrow some fallopian tubes.
Snap. We used to melt the square of chocolate you used to get in a box of roses, then smear it on a draw sheet. When making the beds with a student nurse, we would sniff the said chocolate stain, then lick it saying 'aye, it's soiled'.
You always sniffed it first though.
Not quite a top thing to send apprentices for but during panto we used to send new starts over to the Electrics Balcony to check a plug just as the Bomb Tank went off over there.Another was to send them to unscrew a light bulb that had been on all day and tell them a scene required total darkness.
Both happened to me but i only got caught out by the Bomb Tank one.F*8k me it was loud..had to sit down for a few minutes afterwards.
Oh aye and we sent the really stupid ones up on to the Idiot Bench to set a piece of scenery.Only 1 person was daft enough to do that though and the crash as he tried to put a big spider on top of a cage for a dungeon scene was heard throughout the auditorium as one end of the bench collapsed beneath him.
Both happened to me but i only got caught out by the Bomb Tank one.F*8k me it was loud..had to sit down for a few minutes afterwards.
Oh aye and we sent the really stupid ones up on to the Idiot Bench to set a piece of scenery.Only 1 person was daft enough to do that though and the crash as he tried to put a big spider on top of a cage for a dungeon scene was heard throughout the auditorium as one end of the bench collapsed beneath him.
Click to view attachment
In my early days as a chef we used to get the new guys to fillet whitebait asyou can see it is tiny and normally eaten whole.The other trick was to tell them to boil an egg in the micro. It blows up!
In my early days as a chef we used to get the new guys to fillet whitebait asyou can see it is tiny and normally eaten whole.The other trick was to tell them to boil an egg in the micro. It blows up!
My two faves:
A glass hammer
A sky hook
ETA:
A box of ragnails.
A glass hammer
A sky hook
ETA:
A box of ragnails.
Ask them to go to the bakers for a skin bun. Then someone else chimes in that they want two, then someone asks for another.
He's round at the bakers asking for 4 skin buns
He's round at the bakers asking for 4 skin buns
I knew a young lad who was sent, by the engineering firm he worked for, to the offices of a company called Snap- on Tools to hand over an envelope and ask if they had "a snap- on tool to fit this". When the envelope was opened it was found to contain a rubber Johnny.
QUOTE (kiwififer @ Aug 6 2008, 23:53)
Snap. We used to melt the square of chocolate you used to get in a box of roses, then smear it on a draw sheet. When making the beds with a student nurse, we would sniff the said chocolate stain, then lick it saying 'aye, it's soiled'.
You always sniffed it first though.
You always sniffed it first though.
I never did that, although a few times we filled a sterile urine bottle with apple juice and then drank it in front of a student nurse.
Nurses are sick b*****ds....
Clitoris mints, anyone?
(Works very well with work experience kids)
(Works very well with work experience kids)
QUOTE (sonofjenova @ Aug 8 2008, 10:22)
Clitoris mints, anyone?
(Works very well with work experience kids)
(Works very well with work experience kids)
My cousin (a plumber) used to send apprentices for Clitoris Creams from the bakery.
Mine are military/air traffic minded ones:
1. Send the new guy out into the middle of the airfield with high vis poles in his hand, asking him to wave them so we can callibrate the binoculars - people do do it!
2. Get people to turn up at the Photo Section with their respirator to get the picture for their ID10T card.
3. Give them a brush and ask them to sweep the glidepath - it's an invisible radar beam.
4. Phone the Dog Handlers and ask to arrange a training visit with Cpl Barker.
They are pretty pish to be honest but mongs, like me, have fallen for them!
I remember when I was working in a glassworks before I joined up and heard the story of a guy who was asked to go and get tartan paint, he was away for hours and come back with about 10 tins of paint, the gaffer said what's that? and the lad turned round and said mix if yer fuckin sel!
1. Send the new guy out into the middle of the airfield with high vis poles in his hand, asking him to wave them so we can callibrate the binoculars - people do do it!
2. Get people to turn up at the Photo Section with their respirator to get the picture for their ID10T card.
3. Give them a brush and ask them to sweep the glidepath - it's an invisible radar beam.
4. Phone the Dog Handlers and ask to arrange a training visit with Cpl Barker.
They are pretty pish to be honest but mongs, like me, have fallen for them!
I remember when I was working in a glassworks before I joined up and heard the story of a guy who was asked to go and get tartan paint, he was away for hours and come back with about 10 tins of paint, the gaffer said what's that? and the lad turned round and said mix if yer fuckin sel!
A Daily Weekly Newspaper
Tartan paint
strawberry gusset
bubble for a spirit level
and what I was sent for about a year ago ....a mammary gland
Tartan paint
strawberry gusset
bubble for a spirit level
and what I was sent for about a year ago ....a mammary gland
We send the new guys to the boss at work with an envelope, and carrying a hammer.
Boss opens the envelope that says "Lets us get finished early or i'll hit you with this hammer"
Boss then playing along goes mental at the lad.
Lad shits a brick
Boss opens the envelope that says "Lets us get finished early or i'll hit you with this hammer"
Boss then playing along goes mental at the lad.
Lad shits a brick
The favourite one to catch people out with is asking them to go to the tool store for a hymen splitter.
Luckily I was on the ball when asked this and told the guy to f**k off. One of the other apprentices fell for it and walked up to the store and asked for it, storeman kept him for 10 minutes before informing him exactly what a hymen is
Luckily I was on the ball when asked this and told the guy to f**k off. One of the other apprentices fell for it and walked up to the store and asked for it, storeman kept him for 10 minutes before informing him exactly what a hymen is
Ended up speaking about this today, an apprentice years ago was asked to catch spark from a piece of steel being cut by a chopsaw in a bucket so the place didn't catch fire. Aparently he was running about like a headless chicken trying to catch them.
Bloke I used to work with was sent to the hardware shop for a bubble for a spirit level. Came back 20 minutes later with a wee paper bag with.... a bubble for a spirit level!
Not that he was on the ball or anything, he'd just got the wee plastic thing with the bubble in it!
A few years later he announced he was going to Wales. Somebody asked him if he had a passport to which he replied that he didn't realise he needed one. The lads shoved his head in the photocopier, wrote "PASSPORT" on the other side and sent him on his way!
Not that he was on the ball or anything, he'd just got the wee plastic thing with the bubble in it!
A few years later he announced he was going to Wales. Somebody asked him if he had a passport to which he replied that he didn't realise he needed one. The lads shoved his head in the photocopier, wrote "PASSPORT" on the other side and sent him on his way!
a set of fallopian tubes??
Box of sparks for the grinder.
QUOTE (The_Num @ Aug 25 2008, 23:21)
Bloke I used to work with was sent to the hardware shop for a bubble for a spirit level. Came back 20 minutes later with a wee paper bag with.... a bubble for a spirit level!
Not that he was on the ball or anything, he'd just got the wee plastic thing with the bubble in it!
Not that he was on the ball or anything, he'd just got the wee plastic thing with the bubble in it!
One of the other apprentices in my year was sent for that
Even better though, the person asked pretended to wrap it up and when he came back with it his journeyman said ''Aw for f**k sake you've burst it go get another one and apolagise''
QUOTE (Juan Sara @ Aug 18 2008, 23:58)
and what I was sent for about a year ago ....a mammary gland
Fucking hell
A friend who was going to Turkey on holiday, i asked him to bring me back a matabubu.
Naval aircraft oils and greases are named by number - there's OM15 (hydraulic fluid), XG285 (grease) and the trainees favourite - K9P
And many, many trainees have ended up at stores looking for some Fallopian Tubing
Not long after I joined up myself and another couple of trainees were sent out onto the airfield in the middle of the night to wait for and refuel a Special Forces aircraft - after about an hour of standing in the freezing cold we were ushed back in to much hilarity and were told that it had been and gone without any of us noticing
And many, many trainees have ended up at stores looking for some Fallopian Tubing
QUOTE (Reading Saintee @ Aug 18 2008, 19:10)
Mine are military/air traffic minded ones:
1. Send the new guy out into the middle of the airfield with high vis poles in his hand, asking him to wave them so we can callibrate the binoculars - people do do it!
1. Send the new guy out into the middle of the airfield with high vis poles in his hand, asking him to wave them so we can callibrate the binoculars - people do do it!
Not long after I joined up myself and another couple of trainees were sent out onto the airfield in the middle of the night to wait for and refuel a Special Forces aircraft - after about an hour of standing in the freezing cold we were ushed back in to much hilarity and were told that it had been and gone without any of us noticing
When I was at school, my teacher sent me to go get fallopian tubes. The complete p***k I am, i fell for it. The worst part was, I was in 6th year 
QUOTE (Pride Of The Clyde @ Sep 8 2008, 23:41)
A friend who was going to Turkey on holiday, i asked him to bring me back a matabubu.
There's nothing the mata with me Yogi
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