Saturday 5th July sees the sixth Highland 7s Tournament, with this being the fourth at Lossie Playing Fields. Anyone that can raise a team is more than welcome and the cost of entry is £50 a team but you are guaranteed at least five games, working out at £1 a game if you have a squad of ten.

If you are interested in participaing if you goto http://www.highlandleague.net and register your interest the site owner will help you out with your entry.

Our team has had a checkered history in the tournment. In the maiden tournament we were ripped apart by a certain poster called Reina in a 4-0 win for Elgin. However we found our feet and demolished Inverurie Locos 9-0 with myself grabbing a hat trick. We then beat a very strong Forres side starring Charlie Brown 2-1. In fact the only reason they scored was that we were all celebrating going 2-0 up, and they went up and scored!

The second year was controversial as we took a dive in the group stages to win the first Toilet Bowl. As it turned out the winner of the Toilet Bowl got 8 crates of beer, and the losing finalists in the Super Quaitch only got four crates. We scored 15 goals without reply in the Toilet Bowl.

The season after we failed in the group stages and played a Lossie side that we demolished in the semi final. However the Yeti side foot finished beyond Morrison to score the best own goal ever in the history of the tournament. After laying siege to the Lossie goal we never got the break through. One Lossie defender ended up with a black eye as he got a Carlos special in the chops.

The season after we won the Toilet Bowl again but not in the emphatic style we had done previously. We won all three ties against Lossie, Caley and Clach on penalties with McMuffin, Belafonte and myself netting every penalty.

Last year we were that bad we had to play off for the wooden spoon. We won though.

I am one of only three players to have scored in every single tournament, surprisingly the other two also come from the County side. Belafonte and Stavros. Belafonte turned out for Nairn last season in the tournament and was booed and abused constantly. Resulting from that hostile atmosphere, the man has done a Kenny Miller and will be playing again in th hallowed white County away strips.

That game was easily the biggest hiding I have ever seen.

As for the black eye, it was more like a black face before the bruising stopped. Still. Ball didn't go in, did it?

It was an incredible game. Didn't you pass up a few sitters to beat Nairn as well? Was it you that got the ball in the chops?

I believe the draw for Group D has already been made. Forres, County, Nairn and Reporters You heard it here first!

We will be there again, looking forward to it!

Lost on penalties last year in the QFs to Buckie but we were the only team to beat the eventual winners. Hopefully we will do alright again this year, we have pretty much the same team.

At the moment we have a strong side. However as normal that changes on the Saturday morning when drunken bums can't get out of their beds. It was so much simpler in Inverness.

Naw, wasn't me. If he hadn't got drunk straight after, he'd have gone to the hospital with it, I think someone looked at it the next day and said it was more serious than just a sore coupon.

Nairn did the same to us as we did to you I think. Soaked it up then we lost on pens in the final.

He took it full force in the face from about three yards. He didn't even know it was happening. If he just stayed down a second longer we would have equalised, but he had to lift his head from the ground! Poor bugger.

i have already been nagging Ratts to make sure my team are in with County , Nairn and Forres Delaney again

but if he decides to get a conscious i have asked for Shakers mob and Huntly Hassan instead since i haven't had the pleasure of playing either of them (i don't think ) plus i have always wanted to nutmeg AH

AH will go off on a girly rant if you meg him. Ratts having a non fixed draw? Shurley you gesht!

You've played against me before, a game during which I took this photo...



Youse won 2-0.

That's a cracking punch.

I was on fire that day! I'd just got back from Spain and had a hellish hangover. Best football I played in a long time!

Aye, not bad for a referee.

thats right forgot all about the Jocky punch , that was the only way Jocky could stop the player from going past him

i just want a group where we can have fun , and have a laugh with the other teams , i can't be arsed with the ones that take it seriously , my team are having bets on who can get the most nutmegs , and whoever plays shite gets to wear the donkey jacket , and whoever is left with it by the last game buys everyone a double round

What happened to you the year after though?




That's all we hope for as well. Who else is in your team thegoalie? We are all having a night out in Aberdeen after the tourney if you want to come along.

Back to my usual pish.

Is that latin for got crippled?

Aye...

That's us signed up and paid for.

Who is in our team Carlos? (your new username is shite). I'll be driving through from Aberdeen I guess if Harold/Chris or anyone else needed a lift. Likewise if you need a ride going back for the night out?

I am looking forward to playing on clay - it'll be interesting.

Clay? What are you talking about?

I asked Carlos what surface it was on and he said clay. I said that he was talking shite and then he said that it was grass.

Haha, never ever believe what Carlos says

Believe me I didn't I was saying to my pal who was there he was taking the piss

The username had to be changed. I am too well known as Carlos. So any rubbish or insults used automatically get linked to me if anyone googled Carlos Ross County. Anyone that has used the board still knows it is me, but anyone else will not.

Is the Toilet Bowl the consolation tournament that yeti told me about at the 5s?

aye it is

it tends to be the most fun one , as it is the teams that are either rubbish or do not take it too seriously , which makes it a lot of fun to play in

and it normally means you get a few more games if you are one of the better teams in that section , rather than been an average team that gets knocked out in the first knock out stages of the top section

so going by my maths , if you want to play more games , do not qualify for the superbowl , aim for the toilet bowl section

that was our logic last year

plus the fact we had a brilliant group it made it a good day out

Aye it is indeed, and we have won the tournament twice. The first year it was run Ratts made a wee mistake in giving the winners of the Toilet Bowl the same amount of beer as the winners of the Super Bowl. We deliberately took a dive in the group section, winning 8 crates of beer slamming 20 goals pass the hapless opponents. The second year we won it we won every round on penalties.

I have heard the news that the Nairn team have disbanded after they heard that the Judas last year did a Kenny Miller and re signed for us. As a result the Nairn Captain David "Peter Pan" Rosie has asked if he can play for us. I have accepted, and I am sure that will delight thegoalie1976.

If we are in the same section Goalie, I think our boos will be reserved for you this year!

excellent get the chance to meg Rosie again , that boy has nightmares about playing against me

there is nothing wrong with the Nairn fans they are a great bunch of guys , shame about dumb and dumber that runtheir club

Boo's for me ? did you not get enough of that when County played Buckie a few years ago

anyway i am sure Harold might still get the boo's even though he is on your team

The Nairn guys are a very good bunch of guys and like us both enjoy the day for what it is. In fact last year we had the Nairn subs booing Belafonte as well! I am still planning booing his first touch this year.

I personally never booed you once at that game, I enjoyed the banter. You were absolutely fantastic, and I think you drew inspiration from playing the pantomine villain.

Are you guys going back to Inverness after the tournament? Will you have space for one person in your transport? Im asking as we have a guy that doesn't want to head out to Aberdeen but is interested in playing. If we can get transport for him back to Inverness that would be awesome. If not I will enjoy megging you never the less.

I think you should make up the meg rules Mikey.

thats what football should be about , been able to have the banter with the fans , when it is light hearted or humourous it is good fun , i always gave as good as i got

i will ask my brother if he has room for one extra as i know he is taking through a couple of my team , i am sure if he has space he will be quite happy to fit an extra body , i am staying in Elgin maybe for a grab a granny night in Joanna's

ok how about , if we are in the same group , £1 for a meg so if i got 4 and you got 6 i would owe you £2 etc , only count if we are in the same group , asi know you would cheat otherwise

plus please tell me Stav is available for you this year , he is comedy gold

Whats all this about going out in Inverness and Aberdeen after? Is a night out in Lossie too much for you shower of pansies?

Last I heard from Carlos he was


Where is there to go in Lossie?

Plenty of places. The post-tournament social club is a fine, cheap, big measured place to start.

We will be going there. However it is easier to organise a piss up in Aberdeen or Inverness.

Thegoalie1976: We will just call it a fiver bet. If you get more I owe you a fiver. Now as for the rules, can you meg the same player more than once? We normally play that you have to meg different players. Of course as always it doesn't count if you don't call it.

Edit to include the fact that nutjob Stav is playing.

As likely designated driver till we get back to the Grey City of Doom and Despair that doesn't sound good for me!

I'm going to floor him again... Last year was hilarious!

Group A:
Elg*n City Wilson
Milne's High Legends
Forres Mechanics Delaney
highlandleague.net Ratts
Ross County Carle
Muir of Ord Pheonix

Group B:
Lossiemouth Shaker
Huntly Shanks
Fort William Francis
Lossiemouth Stewart
Forres Mechanics Taylor
highlandleague.net Reserve

Group C:
Elg*n magnifiCANTo's
Keith Richards
MFR
Moray United (Deans)
Huntly Hassan
Nairn County Ginge

Group D:
Huntly Newlands
ICT Davidson
Forres Mechanics Beastie
Rothes Oranj
MFR Azzuri VII
Clachnacuddin MacKenzie

Group A

Didn't see that one coming... I'm getting excited now!

Rattray must have made a mess of it as Nairn aren't in it too!

My car is out of action so I need to get from Elgin to Lossie. What buses can I go for?

It's sorted. Just you, Chris and Bela be on that train. I think Nev will be on the same one!

That's fine. Chris isn't answering his phone but I've got tickets for me and Haroldinho.

Did you get singles? As you won't need the return. Can you book the one for Chris anyway? He'll be playing football manager.

Returns cost 10p more than single so I got them just in case.

Scotrail haven't emailed me the booking references but I have a note of them - fingers crossed!

Good grief... sunburn/booze/knuckle-dragging Forres fans/hotel etc.

You missed out testicle punching.

And a quality photo of you getting megged.

I don't remember getting megged! I remember stepping over the ball as I tried to block a pass - that's not the same thing...

We'll let the public decide that.