Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[Boghead ranter]

1 hour ago, Dunning1874 said:

Aye in a small club like that where there's only one or two people behind the bar and /or the layout of the bar means you have to queue like that it's obviously fine. It's when people do it in normal pubs that it's an issue.

Aye - good bar staff will have a good handle on who's been waiting longest anyway.

[MEADOWXI]

One of my biggest issues is bar staff with no comprehension of who at their bar and who next.

Easy solved and easy to notice why it happens.....

Young arsehole barstaff that never look up and never see beyond the glass in their hand.

 

But beating that I have just listened to stupidest customer at bar. The order was.....

 

'A thing of Budweiser and a thing of coke'.

 

That's a bottle and can he wanted but didn't have brain capacity beyond everything being a THING

 

 

[whiskychimp]

I quite like a bar queue. Stops lassies getting served before it's their turn because they are fluttering their lashes at the barman.

[Mark Connolly]

Cinema timings.

Went to a 13.10 showing today. The film itself started at 13.45. f**k off

[Widge]

I quite like a bar queue. Stops lassies getting served before it's their turn because they are fluttering their lashes at the barman.

Fluttering the eyelashes never worked when I worked behind a bar. Tits on the other hand do work, sets a dangerous precedent though, old boys try that and we've got a bit of an issue!

[topcat(The most tip top)]

I quite like a bar queue. Stops lassies getting served before it's their turn because they are fluttering their lashes at the barman.

Of course the advantage is reversed with female bar staff.

Or gay dudes

And actually not all female bar staff

[welshbairn]

3 hours ago, Widge said:

 

Fluttering the eyelashes never worked when I worked behind a bar. Tits on the other hand do work, sets a dangerous precedent though, old boys try that and we've got a bit of an issue!

 

If the bar's busy I used to bias towards heterosexual men who normally drink pints, f**k doing cocktails and the like.

[Shotgun]

3 hours ago, welshbairn said:

If the bar's busy I used to bias towards heterosexual men who normally drink pints, f**k doing cocktails and the like.

Thank you for that. Long before I became a moany old git, I was a moany young git and often made the argument that there should be a special serving queue for people who...

a) Know what they're going to order. Not just for themselves but for everyone in the round they're purchasing. 
b) Are ordering drinks with no more than 1 ingredient.
c) Understand that Guinness takes longer to pour than most other drinks and therefore should be ordered first.
d) Can grasp the concept that drinks aren't free and will have the means of payment ready before the drink order is complete.

There should be a one-and-done rule for any contravention of these rules. Offenders will be barred for life from using the special serving queue and will be relegated to using the scrum at the other end of the bar where they can take their chances with the hen nights, underage drinkers, office parties and Jager bombers.  

 

[throbber]

I don’t like the wankfest that comes with blue planet etc, think it’s over rated and not a fair reflection of what really goes on in the ocean.

[throbber]

What?

It’s not all fun and games down there.

[Sergeant Wilson]

2 minutes ago, throbber said:

I don’t like the wankfest that comes with blue planet etc, think it’s over rated and not a fair reflection of what really goes on in the ocean.

Well said throbber. I think it's made up shite, to make fish look good.

[throbber]

The ocean isn’t even blue so I don’t know why they call it the blue planet. It’s just trying too hard.

[Sergeant Wilson]

5 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

 

Its too early for this silliness so I will give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you didnt badmouth Sir David or one of the finest documentaries ever made.

 

He doesn't even do any of the work.  At least Jacques Cousteau got in the water.

I've learned one thing though, big fish eat wee fish...who knew?

[MONKMAN]

It’s not all fun and games down there.

A pilot whale carried its dead calf around for weeks after poisoning it with her own milk, due to toxins found in the oceans as a result of plastic waste.

The Planet Series documentaries are up there with the greatest achievements on television.

[Stellaboz]

How incredibly sorrowing. Humans taking great delight sitting on their arse taking wonder at how we're fucking killing everything around us.
"did ye see that whale thing last night Chelsea?"

"a pure did Rochene, a wiz in bits. go help me flush these tampons and various plastic containers doon the shitter hen"

[MEADOWXI]

5 hours ago, Shotgun said:

Thank you for that. Long before I became a moany old git, I was a moany young git and often made the argument that there should be a special serving queue for people who...

a) Know what they're going to order. Not just for themselves but for everyone in the round they're purchasing. 
b) Are ordering drinks with no more than 1 ingredient.
c) Understand that Guinness takes longer to pour than most other drinks and therefore should be ordered first.
d) Can grasp the concept that drinks aren't free and will have the means of payment ready before the drink order is complete.

There should be a one-and-done rule for any contravention of these rules. Offenders will be barred for life from using the special serving queue and will be relegated to using the scrum at the other end of the bar where they can take their chances with the hen nights, underage drinkers, office parties and Jager bombers.  

 

e) When the person returning  change stands for more than 30 seconds with the change in their hand because Mr Idiot has turned and started a conversation with someone, and this idiot requires someoone to tap then on the shoulder so they turn and get their change. Paying for a three or four drinks with a twenty normally results in change, almost as bad as not having the sense to know you have to pay.

If they hold the change out for 30 seconds and you are too self absorbed or stupid to take it the staff should be allowed to keep it as an Idiot Tax.

[Hedgecutter]

Mr Idiot has turned and started a conversation with someone

Also:

"Who's next?"
"I think you were"
"Nah you were"
"You sure?"
"Aye"
"Was she ahead of us then?"
...

Such incompetence hould be punished with complete rejection, with the barman moving on to somebody else after a generous three second window for hesitation, which quite frequently happens (one for the Reasons to be Cheerful thread I suppose)

[whiskychimp]

1 hour ago, throbber said:

 

It’s not all fun and games down there.

 

I agree. Disney documentaries seem to be a bit more indepth into the dangers that lie below.

[Mark Connolly]

9 hours ago, G_Man1985 said:

 

This can't be you learning this now ?

 

It’s not, but it seems to get longer and longer each time. I realise I am getting a bit Homer Simpson 

[GordonD]

42 minutes ago, whiskychimp said:

I agree. Disney documentaries seem to be a bit more indepth into the dangers that lie below.

Horrific club photos thread for this.