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If Scotland were...


DA Baracus

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...at this tournament would we be the worst team there?

Certainly Saudi Arabia and Tunisia have stood out as being particularly gash, but I could see either side probably beating us, especially since it's a game in a major tournament and we're awful shitebags.

I reckon we'd play very cautiously and would be deeply dull, punting the ball forward out of defence to small guys further up the park, with other teams frowning in bemusement at our caveman tactics. Any team with pace would most likely do us. I'm sure we'd be well organised but said orginisation would be boring and utterly without ambition. Add to this that we'd most likely shite it and most players would play well below their level then I think we'd most likely be the worst team at this tournament. 

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We have nothing at centre half and very little up front. I expect our games might follow the pattern of the 3-0 defeat we had in Slovakia a couple of years ago - we could have a fair amount of possession and control in midfield against most teams, but we'd be hoping and praying rather than expecting to score goals, and every attack against us would be frightening.

If we got a decent draw we might have finished third in our group.

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1 minute ago, Cerberus said:

Probably get a couple of draws a defeat and go out in 3rd place.

We lost 2 matches in each of 98,90 and 86. Last time we were good enough to avoid more than one defeat we had a properly world-class team. I wish I shared your confidence. 

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The usual rampant self-deprecation.  Not that it's in any way measurable, but I like to think we're at least better than some of the absolute shite we've seen at the tournament.  When you're seeing teams worth hundreds of millions of pounds get absolutely ridden (Hiya Argentina, Hiya pal!), it's clear not everything is played on paper.

I doubt we'd get out the groups, but I think we'd pick up a couple of points at least.  All depends who we drew really.  If we finished 2nd in our group, and did so with enough points to get into the playoffs, we would have taken Ireland's place and drawn Denmark.  Had we beaten them (lol), then we get France, Australia and Peru.  Fair enough, Peru just beat us a couple of weeks ago, and France would likely struggle for an hour then absolutely pump us.  Beat Australia though?  Who knows...

But of course all of the above is a massive reach - we could have got a diddy group, or something even harder.

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...at this tournament would we be the worst team there?
Certainly Saudi Arabia and Tunisia have stood out as being particularly gash, but I could see either side probably beating us, especially since it's a game in a major tournament and we're awful shitebags.
I reckon we'd play very cautiously and would be deeply dull, punting the ball forward out of defence to small guys further up the park, with other teams frowning in bemusement at our caveman tactics. Any team with pace would most likely do us. I'm sure we'd be well organised but said orginisation would be boring and utterly without ambition. Add to this that we'd most likely shite it and most players would play well below their level then I think we'd most likely be the worst team at this tournament. 


Do you mean the current Scotland squad? The shite one who never qualify?

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In all honesty we are not capable at this level at the moment. We are in the euro diddy leagues on merit. Our team is tactically inept, slow, our players think they are big time charlies, but are just bottlers and oh...we cannot keep possession.

 I think we would struggle to give any of the wc teams a game......even the Saudis!!

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Saudi actually looked OK against a very lackluster  Uruguay. They didn't create much, but certainly a lot better than their shambles against Russia. I could see us going down to a 1-0 loss to them a bit like various defeats in Lithuania, Georgia, etc. 

We would be the worst team here by a mile. Even Panama who gave it a go, but out of their depth probably would horse us 2-0 in the 'heat' of Volgograd or somewhere too far from Moscow and hot for not just the Scottish football team, but the pundits too.

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We can obviously beat anyone in the right circumstances; Berti Vogts proved that when the worst Scotland team in my lifetime managed a 1-0 win over the Netherlands. Nine times out of ten, we'd have received the pumping that we got in the second leg.

Would we come out on top over a ten-game series against any of the sides at this World Cup? I doubt it, and that's probably true of the sides above us in the world rankings too. Our absence is entirely fair, sadly.

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Yes. The current squad.


We would either be the worst team there, or one of the worst sides there.

We’d play football that was terrible to watch.

The SFA seem resigned to the fact that we’re rubbish and they haven’t a clue how to change that situation.
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