Richey Edwards Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 I accidentally cut half my face open and still have the scar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotfree Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 I live in Australia, so everytime I leave the house some deadly animal is trying to kill me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Rottweiler tried to maul me once when I was about 6. I apparently managed to shove my heel into its eye with a misplaced kick to the snout which sent it packing. Oddly enough something similar happened to me with one of those dogs. I had 50, maybe 60 pounds' worth of devil dog on top of me, tearing at me, trying to eat me. The whole time I was giving it body blows. I must have hit it 40 times in the gut - nothing, didn't even wind it. Gnash, gnash! Tear! Bite! Slash! Then I managed to get my thumb into its eye, but all I did was annoy it. I'll tell you one thing, I didn't go thirsty. I must have drunk about a pint of its slabbers. I don't think I'd have ever got it off me but thankfully it clocked a wee dog and went away and pumped it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Once when I was about 7, it was the school holidays and I was making my way to my mums pals to be babysat. With 80p in my pocket, I decided to go to the newsagents for a 10p mixture, then next door to the bakers for a square sausage roll. As I was walking up the road, I unravelled the roll from the packaging when out of nowhere, a flock of seagulls swooped down on me, chored my roll and left me in a ball of tears. Still horrifies me to this day and I still await the day when I can get close enough to one to leather it right in the stomach causing severe internal bleeding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 My South African cousin was charged by a male lion when he was setting out drainage in Botswana. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 2 hours ago, The Ginger Prince said: Once when I was about 7, it was the school holidays and I was making my way to my mums pals to be babysat. With 80p in my pocket, I decided to go to the newsagents for a 10p mixture, then next door to the bakers for a square sausage roll. As I was walking up the road, I unravelled the roll from the packaging when out of nowhere, a flock of seagulls swooped down on me, chored my roll and left me in a ball of tears. Still horrifies me to this day and I still await the day when I can get close enough to one to leather it right in the stomach causing severe internal bleeding. Is the alkaseltser (sp) thing a myth? I fucking hate seagulls and the thought of feeding them alkaseltser and their stomach exploding is appealing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 I was head butted by a starling once. I was walking along, minding my own business when the focker flew out from behind a tree and smacked me right in the face. To my credit, I only suffered a small scratch while it fell to the ground, momentarily stunned. 1-0 to me, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Came across an Eastern Brown Snake (2nd most venomous snake on the planet) recently. Fortunately I was in a car travelling at 100km/h so was able to run the fucker over before he could get me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Mauled by a horse. Got me by the shoulder. The bruising looked like the biggest love bite ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lofarl Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Had a run in with a J’ba Fofi once. Luckily I had a rolled up newspaper with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 3 hours ago, sjc said: My South African cousin was charged by a male lion when he was setting out drainage in Botswana. What was the charge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 57 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Mauled by a horse. Got me by the shoulder. The bruising looked like the biggest love bite ever. Is that what you told her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
microdave Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 I was chased by a pony that was after my brightly coloured packet of sweets (poppets) when I was 7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Came head to head with a badger in a tight bit of cave a few years back. It had turned our 'dig' into it's cosy new 30m long den and let's just say that we took an immediate mutual dislike to each other when we met head on. Seeing as it was backed into the terminal end 'chamber' that was the only bit large enough to turn around in, I had to shuffle backwards feet first as it briefly tried to maul my (caving) helmet as I lay on my side, only to quickly back off when I jabbed the f***er on the nose with my spade. Trust me when I say they look much bigger when you're nose-to-nose with one. I don't like badgers any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 10 hours ago, Hillonearth said: Try having one miss your coupon by inches. While we're at it, neither does a fucking tortoise - or Mrs Throbber for that matter. I wouldn't be so sure on that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sjc Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: What was the charge? Indecent exposure I think.........my cousin certainly saw his arse therefore I presume the lion certainly did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ah-dee Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Oddly enough something similar happened to me with one of those dogs. I had 50, maybe 60 pounds' worth of devil dog on top of me, tearing at me, trying to eat me. The whole time I was giving it body blows. I must have hit it 40 times in the gut - nothing, didn't even wind it. Gnash, gnash! Tear! Bite! Slash! Then I managed to get my thumb into its eye, but all I did was annoy it. I'll tell you one thing, I didn't go thirsty. I must have drunk about a pint of its slabbers. I don't think I'd have ever got it off me but thankfully it clocked a wee dog and went away and pumped it. should have applied a finger to its arse mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 8 hours ago, Peppino Impastato said: No it's not. It's mosquitoes. By far. It's man and Mike Tyson is a shite boxer and a rapist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 should have applied a finger to its arse mate Away you go ya queerhawk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nkomo-A-Gogo Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Years ago when I was an inexperienced pest controller I was in a cherry picker treating what I was told by an unscrupulous salesman was a wasp nest 50 foot up the wall of a school. Turned out to be ferocious honey bees and about a minute after I pumped the poison in I was coated in a carpet of bees with nowhere to run. Half the school had turned out to see and they were all running for cover as I was slowly lowered down. I had all the gear on luckily as I sometimes don't wear it. Only the fact loads of people turned out to see it that I got suited up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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