Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 6 minutes ago, SlipperyP said: I was playing golf in Oz once and ask skills are rather agricultural, I sliced a shot over the barbed wire fence and into the long grass. As a tight Scotsman, I was over the fence and searching for said ball. Big f**k off brown snake was about a metre from me, ripped my golf slacks as I was hurdling the barbed fence. Never played golf in Oz again. ^^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 ^^^^ That's me on the 16 at Kinghorn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 13 minutes ago, throbber said: Not the first time you have wished death on me. Blood in my eye dog and I can't see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 8 hours ago, sjc said: Is the alkaseltser (sp) thing a myth? I fucking hate seagulls and the thought of feeding them alkaseltser and their stomach exploding is appealing! Apparently what does work on seagulls if ever on a ferry is tear off a corner of a sandwich, place a 2p inside and throw it in the air, a diving seagull will try to swallow it, coin sticks in throat and they do a wonderful impersonation of a Messerschmidt 110 barreling into the Channel as seen in many a classic WWII movie. This was never seen or done on school trips in Ayrshire many years ago on the Arran or Millport ferries, and is just rumoured to work. Back to deadly animals, a deer may not sound deadly but it can kill your car in an impressive manner if one of the daft b*****ds runs into the road in front of you. At least pheasants just explode in a cloud of feathers and bunnies just go pop if you hit them with your car, deer can right off the car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 I have to handle a very large deadly snake every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 14 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said: At least pheasants just explode in a cloud of feathers and bunnies just go pop if you hit them with your car, deer can right off the car. I killed a pheasant in the car the other day. Unfortunately my daughter, wife and mother (3 separate people in case you were planning some Fife incest jokes) and they all had a go at me for it. c***s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 1 minute ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: I have to handle a very large deadly snake every day. That's sexual harassment mate. Your boss shouldn't be making you do those things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 8 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: That's sexual harassment mate. Your boss shouldn't be making you do those things. I keep telling her that but she won’t listen. She’s a quality tucker tbf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 8 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: I killed a pheasant in the car the other day. Unfortunately my daughter, wife and mother (3 separate people in case you were planning some Fife incest jokes) and they all had a go at me for it. c***s. Most days you can't help it, daft buggers run out, stop, dart left, dart right then run up the road away from you, Stupid suicical nutjobs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 I have to handle a very large deadly snake every day. Enough about the wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 3 hours ago, Peppino Impastato said: It's not, Google it. 25% of everyone who has ever died has been killed by a mosquito. Why doesn't somebody kill it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 23 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: I killed a pheasant in the car the other day. Unfortunately my daughter, wife and mother (3 separate people in case you were planning some Fife incest jokes) and they all had a go at me for it. c***s. It was probably the reversing back and running over it 3 times that irked them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 2 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: It was probably the reversing back and running over it 3 times that irked them. Mum - "You were driving too fast" - was doing 40 in a 40 limit Wife - "Ha ha you're vegetarian and you killed an animal" Daughter - "I hate you dad why are you so stupid?" Etc etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Just now, Shandon Par said: Mum - "You were driving too fast" - was doing 40 in a 40 limit Wife - "Ha ha you're vegetarian and you killed an animal" Daughter - "I hate you dad why are you so stupid?" Etc etc Sounds like a regular day out tbf. (apart from being a veggie obvs) (and my maws deid) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 1 minute ago, Shandon Par said: Mum - "You were driving too fast" - was doing 40 in a 40 limit Wife - "Ha ha you're vegetarian and you killed an animal" Daughter - "I hate you dad why are you so stupid?" Etc etc You should have swerved away into an oncoming lorry just to show them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Mum - "You were driving too fast" - was doing 40 in a 40 limit Wife - "Ha ha you're vegetarian and you killed an animal" Daughter - "I hate you dad why are you so stupid?" Etc etc 40 is the maximum mind, no the minimum. Slow down coulthard. Yer no vegetarian, you’re a fad, bandwagon fud. I have no qualms with your daughters point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamamafegan Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Closest I’ve got is walking into the path of a New Zealand Sea Lion. Don’t think I would describe him as deadly, but he was fucking massive and very angry. He’d have torn my arm off if he had got anywhere near me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Why doesn't somebody kill it? I'm on the case. However the dogs, their bite is so much personal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 On this note, I've also accidentally jumped onto an Atlantic Seal before. I was scrambling along the north coast and instead of landing on sand on the other side of a ledge, I landed onto a big f*** off monster of the sea (opposite side of Loch Eriboll from their breeding ground there... during mating season). Thankfully for yours truly, the thing turned out to be dead but I never knew this at the time as it was so fresh that a good vet could have got it moving again. I won't lie, I was absolutely s***ing it at the time as seals can be pretty nasty (plus I'd be pretty raging if somebody randomly jumped on me whilst bathing on a secluded beach). Wasn't the first dead one I'd encountered, but you can usually smell the rotten older ones a mile off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 Just now, Hedgecutter said: On this note, I've also accidentally jumped onto an Atlantic Seal before. I was scrambling along the north coast and instead of landing on sand on the other side of a ledge, I landed onto a big f*** off monster of the sea (opposite side of Loch Eriboll from their breeding ground there... during mating season). Thankfully for yours truly, the thing turned out to be dead but I never knew this at the time as it was so fresh that a good vet could have got it moving again. I won't lie, I was absolutely s***ing it at the time as seals can be pretty nasty (plus I'd be pretty raging if somebody randomly jumped on me whilst bathing on a secluded beach). Wasn't the first dead one I'd encountered, but you can usually smell the rotten older ones a mile off. Could its tragic demise be anything to do with you jumping on it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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