Jimbo Jagsfan Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 1 minute ago, Bring Back Paddy Flannery said: I mean that's all well and good if you're dropping first thing in the morning.I tend to be a 10am kinda guy. I also find it tends to be around 15/20 mins after my first coffee. When I used to smoke I'd also find that my first fag in the morning would kick the gears into action and I'd drop around 9ish. Out of interest does anyone on here have a bidet in the house? My Italian mate used to have one, I don't ever recall seeing one in any other Scottish household. We had a bidet in our last house (put in by the original builder), but I didn't use it because of the 3-S morning sequence. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honest_Man#1 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 2 minutes ago, GordonD said: Well, I could pretend I was trolling but this is honestly something I've never done - I have no desire to stare at a shitty piece of bog paper even if it's my own. I can tell after the third or fourth wipe that my arse is clean. Clearly though if you've encountered people who don't look, I'm not alone. But how can you tell? Nobody has ever told me I smell of shit so apparently my way is just as effective. I would also point to a complete absence of skidmarks. You are a monster. A shitey smelling monster. I’ve not encountered anyone personally, I remember watching a talk show (Jonathan Ross I think) where he said he didn’t look and everyone was appalled. So you and Jonathan Ross are confirmed OFTW. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimbo Jagsfan Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 4 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said: Can I just clear something up here? Are you suggesting that you jump straight into the shower without even the most cursory of wipes? What would you do if you had a bidet? Use paper and then wash your bum? Just wash your bum? In some places there is often a wee 'sponge on a stick' for cleansing without paper! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 16 minutes ago, Jimbo Jagsfan said: You guys should remember the 3- Ss every morning, and also make sure it is in the correct order: 1. Shit, 2. Shower, 3. Shave. At point 2, you will be able to wash your bum properly (and then wash your hand!). Dry nice clean bum with towel. Put on clean Ys. No skidmarks. The Shave comes last, as the steam from the shower has opened up the pours in your skin (same as a hot towel would). Personally, I only 2-S each day, as I have a beard! No paper necessary (save the planet) no wet-wipe necessary, be nice to Scottish Water! ^^^Manky b*****ds dries the shuchs of his arse with a towel, just after shiting. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 5 minutes ago, GordonD said: Well, I could pretend I was trolling but this is honestly something I've never done - I have no desire to stare at a shitty piece of bog paper even if it's my own. I can tell after the third or fourth wipe that my arse is clean. Clearly though if you've encountered people who don't look, I'm not alone. But how can you tell? Nobody has ever told me I smell of shit so apparently my way is just as effective. I would also point to a complete absence of skidmarks. You should always check, if not for "am I clean?" purposes then for "what if there's blood coming out of my arse and I have bowel cancer?" purposes. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Just now, Jimbo Jagsfan said: What would you do if you had a bidet? Use paper and then wash your bum? Just wash your bum? In some places there is often a wee 'sponge on a stick' for cleansing without paper! This is just horrific. As an aside, the thought of showering in the same room directly after i've just had a shite is giving me the boak. f**k sake. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Imagine not checking the paper... Holy f**k. Thats new found depths of caveman behaviour. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Just now, The Moonster said: You should always check, if not for "am I clean?" purposes then for "what if there's blood coming out of my arse and I have bowel cancer?" purposes. Actually I'd prefer not to know if there was blood. If I spotted any I'd be reduced to a shivering wreck. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Just now, GordonD said: Actually I'd prefer not to know if there was blood. If I spotted any I'd be reduced to a shivering wreck. Better to be a shivering wreck who's getting treatment for a horrid disease than a dead man. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honest_Man#1 Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 6 minutes ago, Jimbo Jagsfan said: What would you do if you had a bidet? Use paper and then wash your bum? Just wash your bum? In some places there is often a wee 'sponge on a stick' for cleansing without paper! I’ve always wondered how bidets actually work. In your shit then shower scenario, please god don’t tell me you’re not wiping your area before showering? You’re literally using your fingers in the shower to scrape the shit out of your arse? This thread is starting to make me feel physically sick. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 10 minutes ago, Jimbo Jagsfan said: What would you do if you had a bidet? Use paper and then wash your bum? Just wash your bum? In some places there is often a wee 'sponge on a stick' for cleansing without paper! Fortunately, I don't live in a Turkish prison, in the middle ages. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 21 minutes ago, GordonD said: I would also point to a complete absence of skidmarks. Sorry, I was busy. Look at your shitroll m8. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 @Rugster try it and you'll never look back again. Always, always finish off with a wet wipe, it makes your hoop feel infinitely better than toilet roll alone. I remember the day it happened to me, literally changed my life. Had ran out of toilet roll and resorted to using a baby wipe (when my eldest was still in nappies). Felt like a new man walking out of my khazi. Nowadays, I always have a pack of wipes available for removal of the last trace of jobby. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 11 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said: You’re literally using your fingers in the shower to scrape the shit out of your arse? HOW'S YER TOUCH 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 [mention=1852]Rugster[/mention] try it and you'll never look back again. Always, always finish off with a wet wipe, it makes your hoop feel infinitely better than toilet roll alone. I remember the day it happened to me, literally changed my life. Had ran out of toilet roll and resorted to using a baby wipe (when my eldest was still in nappies). Felt like a new man walking out of my khazi. Nowadays, I always have a pack of wipes available for removal of the last trace of jobby. Aye but you can't be saying khazi. Mon tae f**k. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Does anyone else like rubbing a bit of moisturiser on their hoop? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 3 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: 6 minutes ago, Adam said: [mention=1852]Rugster[/mention] try it and you'll never look back again. Always, always finish off with a wet wipe, it makes your hoop feel infinitely better than toilet roll alone. I remember the day it happened to me, literally changed my life. Had ran out of toilet roll and resorted to using a baby wipe (when my eldest was still in nappies). Felt like a new man walking out of my khazi. Nowadays, I always have a pack of wipes available for removal of the last trace of jobby. Aye but you can't be saying khazi. Mon tae f**k. Shitter. That better? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 Just now, throbber said: Does anyone else like rubbing a bit of moisturiser on their hoop? f**k off throbber. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 f**k off throbber. Whenever the wean comes abd you go round to see it, have a word with him. Hes out of control. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 f**k off throbber. Just for a bit of added comfort before going out for the day. I do it on days I am working in the office or am forced to wear jeans. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.