The Bah Humbug Thread

[NJ2]

Did the old Santa letter up the chimney with the bairn last night.  All excited, she wrote out her wee list (which thankfully contained things that Santa should be making already).  Got a roaring fire going, couple of logs on and whoosh, away up the lum the letter went.  Cue much excitement and running to the window to see if it went away safely.
"Yes, I think I saw it going off up to the North Pole" she says.
Sitting in the living room with the bairn this morning, getting her school boots on when, flump, said partially scorched letter flops down chimney onto the hearth.
Tears.
Thanks Santa, you fat useless c**t. 

He got the letter and gave it back because he’s already got you all that...a piss thin but worth-a-go reasoning.

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Did the old Santa letter up the chimney with the bairn last night.  All excited, she wrote out her wee list (which thankfully contained things that Santa should be making already).  Got a roaring fire going, couple of logs on and whoosh, away up the lum the letter went.  Cue much excitement and running to the window to see if it went away safely.

"Yes, I think I saw it going off up to the North Pole" she says.

Sitting in the living room with the bairn this morning, getting her school boots on when, flump, said partially scorched letter flops down chimney onto the hearth.

Tears.

Thanks Santa, you fat useless c**t. 

^^^Abject Failure!

[Jambomo]

23 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

As if I need reminding.

I managed to sneak back into the house, lift the letter and hide it so I'll play the "oh look, the useless red and white fatty tights (not you, Greg) must have come back and taken the letter" card.

Get someone to write back to her as Santa and then she'll think he got the letter.

[welshbairn]

1 minute ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Good idea.  

Im might also start a JustGiving page as Santa grief can only really be gotten over with cold hard cash.

www.justgiving.co.uk/santachimneydebacle

Tell her that Santa sent Rudolf to drop the letter back down the chimney. Scribble "You deserve another present, love Santa" on the remains.

[Trackdaybob]

I get really festive. around the 20th December. Up until then, life is just normal day to day stuff. I don't comprehend trees and decorations going up in october, get a fuckin life  

The time off is nice, getting home, out and about to catch up with friends, etc. Two weeks off is two much though and I used to volunteer to work (QRA at RAF Leuchars) over christmas or hogmany to save a week's leave to use when I wanted i.e in the summer when I could do the things I enjoy doing.

The whole food, booze excuse is just that. An excuse. I can do that any time of year too. 

This christmas eve, it'll be two years since we lost the old man. I can't blame Mum for not being in the mood can I? We'll be there though, going through the motions.

I'll still be out and about enjoying myself.

Then there's the football. Plenty football. Hearts this Saturday and Dundee the week after? f**k aye!!! Also toying with taking the trip up to Dingwall on the 27th but that will depend on the result Saturday, whether I'm sober and can be arsed. It's a hell of a trek. If I was better organised I might have sorted out an overnight stay up there but I've not so it'll be in the balance if I make it or not. Been a long time since I made three games in a row. Should take advantage of the opportunity really  

[pub car king]

Christmas time is alright we have a jolly down the local on Xmas eve, there's work do's, boxing day football and seeing the bairns get their presents.

That said the rest of Christmas day can get itself taefuck, it's basically being crammed in a house full of relatives running about getting them food and drink because it's easier than having them go anywhere near the kitchen and getting in the fucking way while you're trying to cook for 20 folk. Then their questionably  disoplined spawn destroy everything you own as well as this it always takes at least half an hour from them saying "That's it we need to get going" until they eventually stop fart arsing around and f**k off out my house.

The only small pleasure I take from that shambles is seeing what inane or trivial thing has upset the tightly wound psycho that is my sister in law.

[Sergeant Wilson]

4 hours ago, Trackdaybob said:

I get really festive. around the 20th December. Up until then, life is just normal day to day stuff. I don't comprehend trees and decorations going up in october, get a fuckin life  

The time off is nice, getting home, out and about to catch up with friends, etc. Two weeks off is two much though and I used to volunteer to work (QRA at RAF Leuchars) over christmas or hogmany to save a week's leave to use when I wanted i.e in the summer when I could do the things I enjoy doing.

The whole food, booze excuse is just that. An excuse. I can do that any time of year too. 

This christmas eve, it'll be two years since we lost the old man. I can't blame Mum for not being in the mood can I? We'll be there though, going through the motions.

I'll still be out and about enjoying myself.

Then there's the football. Plenty football. Hearts this Saturday and Dundee the week after? f**k aye!!! Also toying with taking the trip up to Dingwall on the 27th but that will depend on the result Saturday, whether I'm sober and can be arsed. It's a hell of a trek. If I was better organised I might have sorted out an overnight stay up there but I've not so it'll be in the balance if I make it or not. Been a long time since I made three games in a row. Should take advantage of the opportunity really  

 

3 hours ago, pub car king said:

Christmas time is alright we have a jolly down the local on Xmas eve, there's work do's, boxing day football and seeing the bairns get their presents.

That said the rest of Christmas day can get itself taefuck, it's basically being crammed in a house full of relatives running about getting them food and drink because it's easier than having them go anywhere near the kitchen and getting in the fucking way while you're trying to cook for 20 folk. Then their questionably  disoplined spawn destroy everything you own as well as this it always takes at least half an hour from them saying "That's it we need to get going" until they eventually stop fart arsing around and f**k off out my house.

The only small pleasure I take from that shambles is seeing what inane or trivial thing has upset the tightly wound psycho that is my sister in law.

TLDR

[DA Baracus]

'Disoplined' though

[ecto]

Off work on Friday for two weeks, going to England to see the grandchildren on the 27th, it starts for me then

[mizfit]

This gran sounds like a huge cuntress. Why do folk put up with that sort of shite? Family or not, she needs to be telt to get right to f**k and stop being a manipulative old bigoted crone.
Or you could smash up her heating and hope for a particularly cold winter...

Telt her I wouldn’t be attending on Boxing Day, girlfriends a bit miffed.

Her gran on the other hand is acting like I’ve committed genocide.

[NJ2]

Telt her I wouldn’t be attending on Boxing Day, girlfriends a bit miffed.

Her gran on the other hand is acting like I’ve committed genocide.

Start with her. Probably negate the requirement to kill anyone else

[heedthebaa]

Fucking hate the build up to Xmas and all the people who get excited weeks in advance, but I’m kinda getting into it now with a day to go. Even enjoying prepping tomorrow’s dinner 

[throbber]

I have already drunkenly disgraced myself in front of family members this time around.

[Granny Danger]

14 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:

I work in retail. Stock comes in last week of August. I hate the build up to it because of my work :'(.
However the kids excitement of santa coming keeps me going and looking forward to it

First time I have heard the term shoplifter being described as ‘working in retail’.

Modern society eh?

 

 

 

 

[Hillonearth]

We moved into our current place a few years ago - it's in one of those places estate agents would call "established" and crime reports would call "leafy". I imagine us moving in came as a bit of a curtain-twitcher as I look a bit like Ted Nugent's illegitimate son and the missus was sporting dayglo pink hair at the time.

Since then we've not had much to do with the neighbours apart from immediately next door on either side...never really had to. Until this year that is when the whole street  seem to have had the collective realisation that "Oh f**k, these c***s aren't just renting..." and started sending us Christmas cards. Hive minds are weird.

We're only worried it ends up in an invite to a swingers night.

 

[Miguel Sanchez]

Well thanks to this thread I've learned that Kirsty MacColl was killed by getting hit in the face by a boat. Merry Christmas.

[Hillonearth]

1 minute ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Well thanks to this thread I've learned that Kirsty MacColl was killed by getting hit in the face by a boat. Merry Christmas.

A boat race ended up in her boat race as the Cockneys would have it...

[welshbairn]

2 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Well thanks to this thread I've learned that Kirsty MacColl was killed by getting hit in the face by a boat. Merry Christmas.

Killed by a speeding multimillionaire who paid a deckhand to pretend he was piloting.

[chomp my root]

1 hour ago, throbber said:

I have already drunkenly disgraced myself in front of family members this time around.

It was almost a family tradition that I would somehow 'bring shame' to my folks at any extended family get together. I've not done it for a good few years now so I've maybe grown out of it, although I don't want to jinx it, the only time I spent a night in a police cell I was 40. 

Maturity is overrated anyway mate. 

[Stellaboz]

My last year at uni I worked at Morrisons. One particular Friday evening shift played the same 3 Christmas songs on repeat. Mariah Carey, Jingle Bell Rock and i think maybe Slade.

4 hours was bad enough but apparently had this all day. Couldn't imagine how bad that'd be.

Apart from that, I hate the money pressure people push on themselves to get things, chill out. Just have a good time with your family if that's what you do want.
I also hate how some people struggle with sadness and loneliness worse this time of year, driven by the cheery as f**k corporate Shite we're subjected to that we should all be happy as f**k because "it's Christmas".