johnnydun Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Years ago, before I met my wife, she had Manc neighbours, Alison and Lee, my wife heard through the bedroom wall; "Oh Lee, dump on me chest" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 19 hours ago, John Lambies Doos said: I heard magee was gay but he drinks in non-gay bars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverWolfe Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Years ago, before I met my wife, she had Manc neighbours, Alison and Lee, my wife heard through the bedroom wall; "Oh Lee, dump on me chest" ^^^Doesn't realise his wife is Alison type post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 38 minutes ago, Tartantony said: ^^^Doesn't realise his wife is Alison type post Aye, like I could put up with a Manc accent! Its a right 'orible sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trainspotter Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Overheard three times in the last 6 months or so (from different women) "Aye, she's unfriended me on Facebook. Whit's aw that aboot". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reggie Perrin Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Two very well dressed young businesswomen outside Central Station "30p tae take a shite in there!" "Aye its a fuckin disgrace!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomGuy. Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Me and my girlfriend went for an early breakfast meal before a long journey a few years back, and over heard a relatively young child ask his gran if she'd "ever seen the human centipede"I can't remember how she responded tbh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reggie Perrin Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Back in the early 80s I was a student in Glasgow and traveled by bus between Glasgow and home in Dunipace, couple of wee conversations from that time: I was just about to get off at my stop in Dunipace when an old blind lad in the front seat pipes up "Are we in Cumbernauld yet driver?" Driver "Aw fur fucks sake!" Lad gets on the bus at Banknock ( lets call him Tam) and sits down next to another lad who is obviously a friend (lets call him Rab) Rab "Awright Tam where ye off tae?" Tam "A goat paid aff fae Robertsons (construction firm in Denny) the other day, am goin doon tae sort oot the foreman" Rab " Ye better watch oot when yer passin the Polis station then" Tam was carrying a WW2 vintage rifle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Train home from Glasgow following the Gibraltar game in 2015 "Mate do you do coke?" "I'm a police officer, I'd watch what your saying" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 Two very well dressed young businesswomen outside Central Station "30p tae take a shite in there!" "Aye its a fuckin disgrace!" Reminds me of a guy I heard a few years back who only just caught his train for some lads' away day, saying "I was only going for a p*sh but it cost 20p so I thought I'd get my moneys worth". Well, it was actually an Aberdeen supporting mate of mine as we were going down for Dunfermline vs Aberdeen in the Scottish Cup. Any excuse to mention it though. On a tangent, we (bunch of mates and some of their family) had pre-booked a table at a curry house in Dunfermline and some random Dons fan followed us up from the train station, evidently thinking we were going to some pub worth going to. He followed us way up past the Glen (to the Royal Bengal) and instead of thinking "aww, f***, I see what I've done here" as he walked in to see us all sitting down at a nicely set table, he decided to pull up a seat and sit down at the head of the table. After about 10 secs of very awkward silence, he stood up, turned around and walked out the door, not a word said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maicoman Posted November 3, 2017 Share Posted November 3, 2017 Heard this a couple of hours a go "I she went down tae the sperm bank she wiz hoping tae fun oot whit the father looked like" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted November 15, 2017 Author Share Posted November 15, 2017 This morning: "Malaga? Wow, where's that? Just outside of Glasgow?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 2 hours ago, Hedgecutter said: This morning: "Malaga? Wow, where's that? Just outside of Glasgow?" Easily mistaken for Dumbarton Riviera, right enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
locheedfcno1 Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Odd time I get a bus into city centre it’s always a laugh when junkies come on and tell the world everything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Few years ago the pub nearest Maryhill Juniors ground, game was off so decided on a couple of pints before heading off. Team of pensioners at bar listening to the following, Pensioner 1 - No see Tam recently? Pensioner 2 - He's deed P1 - What you mean he's deed. P2 - Well he's no deed but as good as, you'll no see him in here again. P1 - How? P2 - They gave him his bus pass. He's oot the front door, on the bus to the supermarket, across the round and into pub, oot door and straight on bus back to hoose. P1 - How's that deed then? P2 - As soon as you stop walking your deed, those bus passes kill folk. The cooncil gie oot buses and they kill folk. Evil councils supply bus to kill pensioners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambomo Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Was in a cafe before work a few days back and a group of students were sitting at a table in the corner. One girl looked at her phone and had obviously texted her friend to ask where he was, she said laughing her head off "Ali said he is everywhere and nowhere". What a bunch of utter c***s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Two women behind me in the queue at boots. " They sanitary towels are nae good for heavy bleeding" . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hampden Diehard Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 I was just about to have a serious chat with a woman at work. She's within earshot, but she doesn't know she is.Woman 1- how are you, Susan?Woman 2 (the one I was going to talk to) - "Very menstrual."Chat put off for a couple of days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hampden Diehard Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 I wouldn't use them, as they are a laughing stock in the legal world from personal experience Had experience of them at work pursuing some half wit's utterly ridiculous claim. Comedy stuff as they changed the guy's story every time it was proved he was talking shite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hampden Diehard Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Two very well dressed young businesswomen outside Central Station "30p tae take a shite in there!" "Aye its a fuckin disgrace!" Walking up to a fairly earthy pub near me, the smokers are outside and include a reasonably attractive woman about 35 in a smart business suit. Her - "I'm desperate; I'm goin' up the road to use the toilet at home." Him - "Is the one in the pub not clean then?" Her, walking away and shouting, - "Naw, it's a shite ah need." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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