Curriculum Vitae

[Scary Bear]

Give it fifteen years and employers will just take a look at your Facebook timeline.
f**k knows how you'll provide your diploma from the 'University of Life', though. Surely you don't graduate until you die?

Just lie on your CV or whatever it's called in future?

If they ask to see it, just buy it on the internet.

[BFTD]

Just now, Scary Bear said:

Just lie on your CV or whatever it's called in future?

If they ask to see it, just buy it on the internet.

 

That already seems to be the standard. It's quite scary how little effort goes into background checking sometimes.

I don't think anyone's ever bothered getting in touch with my references, for example.

[welshbairn]

3 hours ago, Scary Bear said:

 

To be fair, why the f**k are we still using Latin to describe a summary of your working life?

Can P&B come up with a better name for a CV?

One that the yoof can understand?

Text speech would be a bonus here.
 

 

Wot I Dun

Tings

[Scary Bear]

That already seems to be the standard. It's quite scary how little effort goes into background checking sometimes.
I don't think anyone's ever bothered getting in touch with my references, for example.

Recruitment is a complete pain in the hole. I just want a body to fill a chair and at least pretend to work.

[Fullerene]

1 hour ago, Scary Bear said:

 

 

To be fair, why the f**k are we still using Latin to describe a summary of your working life?

Can P&B come up with a better name for a CV?

One that the yoof can understand?

Text speech would be a bonus here.
 

 

Me Summary

What I have done list

What you might want to know about me note

My career so far

Reasons why you might want to give me a job

Help.  I don't know Latin.  This is me.

[BFTD]

1 hour ago, Scary Bear said:

Recruitment is a complete pain in the hole. I just want a body to fill a chair and at least pretend to work.

 

Understandable, but it's a bit weird when folk end up in positions of responsibility over things like money, and nobody's even bothered to check their identity.

I could literally walk out of one job with £20,000, plus whatever other cash that I can stuff in my pockets, and nobody would know until the next day (or Monday, on the weekends). I'm pretty certain nobody's even checked that I am who I've said I am, and certainly haven't followed up qualifications, references, etc.

[Scary Bear]

Me Summary
What I have done list
What you might want to know about me note
My career so far
Reasons why you might want to give me a job
Help.  I don't know Latin.  This is me.

We're conducting interviews today and tomorrow. We'll let the successful candidate know by Friday.

Don't hold your breath.

[Scary Bear]

Understandable, but it's a bit weird when folk end up in positions of responsibility over things like money, and nobody's even bothered to check their identity.
I could literally walk out of one job with £20,000, plus whatever other cash that I can stuff in my pockets, and nobody would know until the next day (or Monday, on the weekends). I'm pretty certain nobody's even checked that I am who I've said I am, and certainly haven't followed up qualifications, references, etc.

Yes, but they'd call the police. You'd be caught, would be arrested, be tried, and in all likelihood would be jailed as it's a crime of dishonesty and involved a substantial sum of money. Plus it's just the company's money.

[Scary Bear]

Talk to me about salary.

The post I'm about to recruit after a recent resignation - where I asked previous post holder to actually do his job - is approx. £32k-£37k.

Understandable though it is that he didn't like doing work, I do require it occasionally. After all those above me sometimes require it and poke me to make people I line manage perform, like the (poorly) trained monkeys we are.

[Sergeant Wilson]

Just now, G_Man1985 said:

 

For that sort of money I can pretend to do work.

 

You'd need to kid on you were doing it right though.

[welshbairn]

15 minutes ago, Scary Bear said:

 

We're conducting interviews today and tomorrow. We'll let the successful candidate know by Friday.

Don't hold your breath.

 

When will you let the unsuccessful ones know? I really fucking hate it that most firms keep you hanging on thinking you might still have got it, and usually never tell you haven't.

[Scary Bear]

For that sort of money I can pretend to do work.

Good for you. Tell some lies about qualifications on your Me Summary and develop some misplaced confidence and communication skills.

[Scary Bear]

When will you let the unsuccessful ones know? I really fucking hate it that most firms keep you hanging on thinking you might still have got it, and usually never tell you haven't.

Think our mob send you some sort of generic e-mail to ensure there is no hope to kill you. You can then become suitably demotivated and go into a downward spiral.

[BFTD]

22 minutes ago, Scary Bear said:

Yes, but they'd call the police. You'd be caught, would be arrested, be tried, and in all likelihood would be jailed as it's a crime of dishonesty and involved a substantial sum of money. Plus it's just the company's money.

 

No, the point is that I could be away and scot-free, as they haven't made any background checks to establish who I am. I've never even received any correspondence at the address I've given. All they know about me for sure is my physical description, the email address that my payslips are sent to, and the bank account details that I've provided appear to be valid, as the money's never been kicked back to them.

Seems like an absolute open goal for a scam artist, the more I think about it. Move to an area, make up some fake qualifications/references, work for a few weeks to establish trust, then disappear with a five-figure sum and pop up somewhere else with a different name.

[Scary Bear]

What's the bogs like and is there a steady supply of good quality bog roll?

No. And due to the new landfill waste targets we don't even get hand towels anymore. Disgraceful.

[Scary Bear]

No, the point is that I could be away and scot-free, as they haven't made any background checks to establish who I am. I've never even received any correspondence at the address I've given. All they know about me for sure is my physical description, the email address that my payslips are sent to, and the bank account details that I've provided appear to be valid, as the money's never been kicked back to them.

Seems like an absolute open goal for a scam artist, the more I think about it. Move to an area, make up some fake qualifications/references, work for a few weeks to establish trust, then disappear with a five-figure sum and pop up somewhere else with a different name.

 

In the public sector they use Disclosure Scotland but it's just the basic check. Not sure if HR check the references. Wouldn't surprise me if they don't do it very thoroughly.

 

In your case they'd also have your address and NI number. For an address your landlord or mortgage provider would do some checks.

[BFTD]

22 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

When will you let the unsuccessful ones know? I really fucking hate it that most firms keep you hanging on thinking you might still have got it, and usually never tell you haven't.

...and then act all pissy when you call to find out.

Had one guy unload on me when I called about an IT job years ago. "You any idea how many people I've had to interview for this bloody job?" was the general theme.

[welshbairn]

Just now, BigFatTabbyDave said:

...and then act all pissy when you call to find out.

Had one guy unload on me when I called about an IT job years ago. "You any idea how many people I've had to interview for this bloody job?" was the general theme.

All it needs is a click on a group generic email. I sometimes wonder if they're worried about having to give reasons and falling foul of some anti discrimination law. Just saying you've been unsuccessful would do, and not responding to any further emails asking why.

[BFTD]

Just now, Scary Bear said:

In the public sector they use Disclosure Scotland but it's just the basic check. Not sure if HR check the references. Wouldn't surprise me if they don't do it very thoroughly.

 

That should really be a good basic place to start. I've only had to do it once for paid work, though, but several times for voluntary work. Plus, the paid job involved a certain amount of time working with kids, and I'd already been doing it on a voluntary basis for six months beforehand without any checks  

Bizarrely, my current employer is absolutely paranoid about petty theft, but seems to have a total blind spot to being ripped off on a huge scale.

[Scary Bear]

All it needs is a click on a group generic email. I sometimes wonder if they're worried about having to give reasons and falling foul of some anti discrimination law. Just saying you've been unsuccessful would do, and not responding to any further emails asking why.

It could well be something like that. After every interview I get regular requests for feedback. It's generally a pain in the arse as I'm busy and could do without it. Also, I only have my interview notes to go on. Unless you were mentally bad then it's just a case of 'there was someone with better qualifications and/or examples based on the competency based questions you answered'.