Curriculum Vitae

[Shotgun]

Here in the USA, most firms instruct employees to direct any requests for reference to Human Resources/Personnel who will confirm that yes, P.N.B. Poster was employed from  December 2016 to January 2017 but give no more information than that.  Avoids unpleasantness if they should later go full Swampy with an MR15 in the break room. As a result, most companies don't bother checking references so feel free to talk about your time on the Executive Board at IBM if you want.

On the interview bit, it's worth remembering that as long as the screening process is even half-way decent, everyone reaching this stage is qualified for the job. Each one of the people they're talking to could probably do the job as well as the next. It really comes down to the Interviewer asking themselves "Do I want to work with this person or not?" If you can find a way to build a rapport early on, you're half way there. What a coincidence; I also enjoy Morris Dancing, home brewed water and collecting womens' ears in buckets.

[Stellaboz]

In Germany you're encouraged to include a photo of yourself on your Cv or you generally won't be considered.

I'm stunned I've got as far as a face to face tomorrow. If unsuccessful, I might put Kit Harrington in there for next time.

[Scary Bear]

In Germany you're encouraged to include a photo of yourself on your Cv or you generally won't be considered.

I'm stunned I've got as far as a face to face tomorrow. If unsuccessful, I might put Kit Harrington in there for next time.

Good idea. Sift out the ones who aren't sexy. Would make for a happier workplace. Unemployment among unsexy people must be a big issue in Germany.

[ayrmad]

Not quite about CV's but a guy "Bits" from Prestwick told Anne Robinson on The Weakest Link that he was a shepherd, would love to have watched the unedited version as the guy would have handled Anne brilliantly with ease in between the laughter.

[the jambo-rocker]

A good bit of advice I read from LPT in the reddit page was to include every award or 'recognising excellence' you receive into your CV, even if it's a type of pat of the back,  £25 vouchers award or equivalent*; aiding to show that you are regularly excelling at your job.

 

*Braced for posts with this point abused

[Sergeant Wilson]

2 hours ago, the jambo-rocker said:

A good bit of advice I read from LPT in the reddit page was to include every award or 'recognising excellence' you receive into your CV, even if it's a type of pat of the back,  £25 vouchers award or equivalent*; aiding to show that you are regularly excelling at your job.

 

*Braced for posts with this point abused

Dib dib dib.

[Sweet Pete]

I got one at the start of this year in a previous job from a guy applying for an electrician position. In his CV he dedicated both the "about me" section and a fair chunk of the "skills and experience" section to pointing out that he was awarded some title by his mosque for having memorised the entire Quran. I'm still not entirely sure how being able to quote religious scripture by rote makes you a more useful spark. Unless he uses it as a replacement for the more usual string of expletives that generally follows getting a shock from a live cable.

Got another in that same job from a tiler whose CV described him as "the best tiler in the world", a claim that he repeated in person after he was inexplicably invited for an interview. Sadly, I was never able to verify whether he was, in fact, the best tiler in the world, as all other tiles globally were unable to align their schedules for my proposed competition to determine which one would be declared their champion / king and reign over the tilers from a ceramic throne.

Another came in from a guy who worked in a call centre for a distribution company, but was applying for a job as an on site bathroom fitting team project manager.

Had loads over the years applying for skilled tradesman positions from folk who've no trade or experience as well. Generally, for any qualified tradesman job you advertise, you can expect roughly half the applicants to be folk saying things like "never been a joiner but happy to try and available right away" or "can you take me as an apprentice and teach me how to be a plumber?".

Interviewed a spark once for a domestic rewiring position and he stated, pointedly, that he hates doing domestic rewires and if hired wouldn't want to be put into that squad, the squad that was specifically advertising for a fucking electrician.

Interviewed a plasterer one day and he turned up for the interview in a tracksuit covered in plaster and silicone. Asked him where he's working currently and he replied that he was unemployed.

Interviewed a young woman for an admin role. The job was advertised at £16k. She had very little relevant experience, was very neddy and told me at interview that she'd only do the job for £20k, but that she was "worth it". She then called a further twice over the next fortnight to ask if she'd got the job and when she could start.

The CV's from labourers are usually the worst of all. A bizarre mix of poor spelling, syntax errors, lack of typesetting, paragraphs or punctuation and a common theme of using slang and text speak in their CV's.

[welshbairn]

2 minutes ago, Sweet Pete said:

Interviewed a plasterer one day and he turned up for the interview in a tracksuit covered in plaster and silicone. Asked him where he's working currently and he replied that he was unemployed.

Hope you gave him the job, he was clearly looking to becoming a tax paying member of society instead of signing on and the black economy.

[Sweet Pete]

Just remembered, the last person I hired was earlier this year as my assistant in my then job. I was paid off three months later and she was kept to do my job as she was £9k a year cheaper.

[Sweet Pete]

2 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Hope you gave him the job, he was clearly looking to becoming a tax paying member of society instead of signing on and the black economy.

c**t was at least punctual. I'm big on punctuality.

[ayrmad]

Just now, Sweet Pete said:

Just remembered, the last person I hired was earlier this year as my assistant in my then job. I was paid off three months later and she was kept to do my job as she was £9k a year cheaper and gives out a better quality of gammy.

 

[Sweet Pete]

5 minutes ago, ayrmad said:

 

How dare you?! My gammies are exceptional.

And she's a fatty. Like, a pure fatty. Not just a wee bit chubby or that. Fatty bombatty.

[ayrmad]

Just now, Sweet Pete said:

How dare you?! My gammies are exceptional.

And she's a fatty. Like, a pure fatty. Not just a wee bit chubby or that. Fatty bombatty.

They've got to try harder.

[Sweet Pete]

"Big Falkirk fan, 'come on the Bairns!'" is going to take some beating. Might as well put "not a qualified gyneacologist, but happy to take a look" or "fond of the ol' noncing" on your CV.

[throbber]

10 minutes ago, Sweet Pete said:

"Big Falkirk fan, 'come on the Bairns!'" is going to take some beating. Might as well put "not a qualified gyneacologist, but happy to take a look" or "fond of the ol' noncing" on your CV.

Did you go to uni?

[DA Baracus]

I once saw one that was (hand) written on a single page of notebook paper. Poorly, with multiple spelling errors.

Safe to say said candidate did not secure the position.

[Sweet Pete]

14 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:

 

So I take it if nobody has any experiences of a certain job then you wouldn't be interested ? f**k giving them a chance :-)

Not sure what you're asking me.

11 minutes ago, throbber said:

Did you go to uni?

No. Why?

[throbber]

1 minute ago, Sweet Pete said:

Not sure what you're asking me.

No. Why?

Just wondered, i thought you might have done construction management or QS to get the type of job you do. 

[Sweet Pete]

2 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:

Em me neither. I take it ye don't take on any apprentices at all ?

If you don't know what you're asking me, how am I supposed to?

 

Re: apprentices, yes, that firm did take them on. They would advertise in that case for an apprentice electrician, for example. If you're advertising for a time served, qualified specialist, you're not going to say "sure, in ye come" to a chancer with no skills or experience in the role just because they replied to the ad. Some jobs, like it or not, require a specific training to achieve the relevant level of ability. You can't apply for a job as a heart surgeon when your experience is that you work as a postman and then say "I just want them to give me a chance".

[Sweet Pete]

15 minutes ago, throbber said:

Just wondered, i thought you might have done construction management or QS to get the type of job you do. 

Got you. No, I went to college, but there's nothing particularly specialist about my job. Or if there is, I've learned it purely through in job experience. That applies to both my work in a construction management and on the tools (my job is a bit of both).

 

Reading that back, I might be selling myself a wee bit short there. I suppose the surveying and pricing side of it just seems the norm to me now after almost a decade in the job. It is generally something that people would study rather than learn to do in situ.