Winning at driving.

[Pearbuyerbell]

I've had workmen converting my garage into a sauna for the last week, so to avoid unnecessary chit-chat, I've set up some close circuit television cameras, and been spending time driving my1.6L Ceed!   
Today route to visit my sister was as follows:   Western Perthshire - Perth - Edinburgh - North Berwick - Edinburgh - Perth - Western Perthshire

Incident 1:   I'm on the A85 waiting on a red traffic light.   There are two cyclists filtering through traffic to reach the advanced stop line.   I check and re-check the near-side mirror to check for the presence of a helmet-camera; there isn't one.    The road ahead flows uninterrupted for the next mile or so onto the motorway.    This was essentially an open goal, a free shot, a gimmie.   Well, I was so close - and at speed - that he could have licked my wing mirror!    Safe in the knowledge there would be no Youtube clip, no fisty cuffs further up the road.   I'd planned it perfectly.   I was winning at driving.   

Incident 2:   McDonalds Edinburgh near the A1.   I'm using the drive-thru restaurant facilities.    It's been recently tarmaced.   Up ahead there are two order points with car drivers ordering.   The left lane has 2 cars waiting, the right lane just the one car.   But I'm an experienced drive-thru(er), and quicked realised the car queueing in the right lane ticked all the boxes for a slow drive-thru user:   Asian, older, reading the menu, multiple kids.   So I pulled into the left queue and intentionally rushed my order in order to pull out just in front of the Mercedes SUV in the right lane.    I'm wearing a wry smile as I look at the family behind in my interior mirror.   I'd planned it perfectly.   I was winning at driving.  

Incident 3.     A1 southbound in the 50 zone near the bland looking QMU (with potentially flammable cladding) closing in on the turn off to Old Craighall roundabout.    There's a Focus ST driver in the overtaking lane exceeding the limit with a left signal on.   He was clearly wanting to overtake me and then jump two lanes to enter the east bound slip.   I wasn't having it, and a subtle increase in speed from 50 to 60mph blocked his plans.    I'd planned it perfectly.   I was winning at driving.   

Incident 4.   My journey home.    I wasn't in any rush coming home because the workers were finishing at 5pm.   So I reset the trip switch, tuned into Radio Scotland to listen enjoy Pedro's duffers get horsed by the Hibs.   I intentionally kept my speed to a consistent 55mph and tripped in at 62mpg on the way home.   I polished off half a packet of travel sweets and without an unnecessary petrol stop and enjoyed some hassle free motoring back up the M90.   On return, the workmen had left.   I'd planned it perfectly.   I was winning at driving.   

Please share further examples when you're winning at driving.   

[Pearbuyerbell]

2 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Did Moira drive?

Do you miss her?

Yes, but different cars.   

I'm moved on with my life MM.   We only have one life and there's plenty more post-menopausal fish out there.   

[Bobby Skidmarks]

Those travel sweets have quite a high sugar content, PB. Keep an eye on those blood sugar levels. 

Lovely story though, a successful days driving.

[Pearbuyerbell]

2 minutes ago, Bobby Skidmarks said:

Those travel sweets have quite a high sugar content, PB. Keep an eye on those blood sugar levels. 

Lovely story though, a successful days driving.

Yep, but I choose not the douse them with powder.    

Not for BS reasons, I bag the powder a sell it to school kids as cocaine.   It's pretty much funded my sauna conversion.   

[Unleash The Nade]

If you drive a 1.6L Ceed you instantly lose at driving 

[Pearbuyerbell]

5 minutes ago, Unleash The Nade said:

If you drive a 1.6L Ceed you instantly loose at driving 

I'm a tight driver.  

You're one of the many morons that doesn't understand the difference between lose and loose.  

I got 1/33 that you would respond to this topic.   So i win 3p. 

[Barry Ferguson's Hat]

How did the quavers diet go?

[philpy]

If you drive a 1.6L Ceed you instantly loose at driving 

*Lose

[Shandon Par]

I often have angry middle-aged men in stuff like 320d's and Vectras trying to race me at traffic lights. I normally let them go, as I feel sorry for them, presuming they have a small cock and a wife that's no good in the sack.

Yesterday I was minding my own business, pulling away at traffic lights when I sensed the angry presence of a straining repmobile planning to undertake me on the left. This time I decided to put him in his place and childishly floored it, leaving him a timid shell as he filtered back into the right lane as the left lane became clogged with parked cars.

[tamthebam]

16 hours ago, Pearbuyerbell said:

I've had workmen converting my garage into a sauna for the last week

For those who have seen Trainspotting 2 does anyone else think PB is going to end up walking home across the Forth Bridge in the scud..... 

[tamthebam]

anyway back to the original point- I remember a git in a reps' type car tailgaiting me near Gretna once. I pulled over and let him pass and carried on driving south in a responsible manner. Imagine my joy when I saw that the same git had been pulled over near Tebay Services by the Polis for speeding. . 

[ecto]

Every day I get back and forward from work, without some "loon" in a souped up banger running me off the road

[Ayia Napa Daz]

Pear Buyer, that's big talk from a man who drives a Korean built (snigger) car. Can I just say winning at driving and dangerous driving are 2 completely different things.

Incident 3, the ST driver. There is an overtaking lane for a reason and the driver was using it perfectly (and relatively safely), he could've been in a hurry or simply miscalculated the distance to the exit. Your selfish and quite arrogant acceleration tactic could've cause an accident and almost certainly caused inconvenience. Had I have been the driver of the Ford (unlikely as I only buy German built cars) I'd have gestured very firmly at you and flashed my lights, as well as upping my speed to roughly 70mph.

Monday 7th August 2017, im on the A71 returning from the Dalmahoy from my bi-weekly spa treatments. It's roughly a quarter past 5 (1713hrs). It's busy - there's commuter traffic. I approach a red light, the road splits into 2 lanes at the lights. Left hand lane - straight on to Kilmarnock, Shotts, West Calder & Livingston. This lane is full. Right hand land - a right turn only to Kirknewton, east calder, mid calder (as signposted, mid calder is the only credible place of the 3 and the only village of the 3 commuters returning from Edinburgh would realistically be returning home to. Any sensible driver would also proceed straight down the A71 into Livingston town centre if going to Mid Calder and not NOT turning right). I overtake the long queue and enter the right hand lane, semi embarrassed and ashamed that the queue of drivers to my left, and especially the rather attractive lady in the Audi A1 following me since Dalmahoy, may think I live in Kirknewton, or even the cesspit that is East Calder. I'm alone in the right hand lane, side by side with a slightly elderly man driving a German executive car. He almost certainly has an EH54 postcode. The light turns Amber after 7 seconds and I rush off into 0-30 in a whopping 4 seconds. Safely, I drift back into the left hand lane before the road cuts into a single carriage and maintain a safe pace all the way to the town centre cut off. All while avoiding a large queue (and potential 2nd red light) and am no longer stuck behind an auld wummin in a Fiat Stilo driving just under the speed limit. I am winning at driving and glance into my mirror to see the executive driver with a light look on his face as if to say "you fly young man, I bet you've got a big cock".

You on the other hand aren't a driver. You're a nomad. A wanderer. A walker. Face it mate, you belong on public transport (which should all be nationalised)

[Unleash The Nade]

20 hours ago, Pearbuyerbell said:

I'm a tight drive

I got 1/33 that you would respond to this topic.   So i win 3p. 

Good result mate.

That should enable you to buy a good accessory for your Ceed and increase its value

[Pearbuyerbell]

5 hours ago, ecto said:

Every day I get back and forward from work, without some "loon" in a souped up banger running me off the road

I like this game.  

Every day I get back and forward from work, without some "Alien" in a spaceship beaming me off the road.  

Your turn.  

[Sergeant Wilson]

PB & Daz

[MONKMAN]

I don't drive a BMW.

[Pearbuyerbell]

On 8/13/2017 at 20:16, Ayia Napa Daz said:

Pear Buyer, that's big talk from a man who drives a Korean built (snigger) car. Can I just say winning at driving and dangerous driving are 2 completely different things.

Incident 3, the ST driver. There is an overtaking lane for a reason and the driver was using it perfectly (and relatively safely), he could've been in a hurry or simply miscalculated the distance to the exit. Your selfish and quite arrogant acceleration tactic could've cause an accident and almost certainly caused inconvenience. Had I have been the driver of the Ford (unlikely as I only buy German built cars) I'd have gestured very firmly at you and flashed my lights, as well as upping my speed to roughly 70mph.

Monday 7th August 2017, im on the A71 returning from the Dalmahoy from my bi-weekly spa treatments. It's roughly a quarter past 5 (1713hrs). It's busy - there's commuter traffic. I approach a red light, the road splits into 2 lanes at the lights. Left hand lane - straight on to Kilmarnock, Shotts, West Calder & Livingston. This lane is full. Right hand land - a right turn only to Kirknewton, east calder, mid calder (as signposted, mid calder is the only credible place of the 3 and the only village of the 3 commuters returning from Edinburgh would realistically be returning home to. Any sensible driver would also proceed straight down the A71 into Livingston town centre if going to Mid Calder and not NOT turning right). I overtake the long queue and enter the right hand lane, semi embarrassed and ashamed that the queue of drivers to my left, and especially the rather attractive lady in the Audi A1 following me since Dalmahoy, may think I live in Kirknewton, or even the cesspit that is East Calder. I'm alone in the right hand lane, side by side with a slightly elderly man driving a German executive car. He almost certainly has an EH54 postcode. The light turns Amber after 7 seconds and I rush off into 0-30 in a whopping 4 seconds. Safely, I drift back into the left hand lane before the road cuts into a single carriage and maintain a safe pace all the way to the town centre cut off. All while avoiding a large queue (and potential 2nd red light) and am no longer stuck behind an auld wummin in a Fiat Stilo driving just under the speed limit. I am winning at driving and glance into my mirror to see the executive driver with a light look on his face as if to say "you fly young man, I bet you've got a big cock".

You on the other hand aren't a driver. You're a nomad. A wanderer. A walker. Face it mate, you belong on public transport (which should all be nationalised)

15

Such a pick 'n' mix of words.    But.......I was drawn to the unnecessary use of sexual reference, your claims to drive around Edinburgh in German built cars and your avatar.  

Care to comment where you were last Fri night / Sat morning?

  http://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/our-region/edinburgh/hunt-for-fake-cab-sex-attacker-in-edinburgh-1-4529503

[Ayia Napa Daz]

I was in Southampton volunteering as a wine judge at a charity event for Barnardos.

1341 EDI > SOU on FlyBE (Friday)

11:21 SOU > EDI on FlyBE (Saturday)

I haven't been in the city of Edinburgh since 2015 and certainly wouldn't enter a mini bus if my life depended on it.

Infact whilst holidaying in the Carribean this summer I refused to enter the Ford Transit "shuttle bus" from Manchester airport holiday inn to terminal 1, and instead cruised there in style in suave Benz, whilst making small talk with the Sri Lankan driver.

[Torpar]

Anyone else read these posts in an Alan Partridge voice??