Cancer ,its feckin bawz

[Jacksgranda]

Diagnosing cancer all seems a bit hit and miss. My wife was diagnosed very early - she nearly didn't bother going to the breast screening clinic, I said you might as well, thank God she did (I'd moan about her, but I'd be lost without her) - but I'd a brother-in-law who lasted 6 weeks from diagnosis to death, despite the fact he'd been running to the doctor's for a year, many years ago a mate was dead within 8 days of diagnosis, again he'd been back and forth to the gp for years.

My wife's first husband was poo pooed regarding cancer, by the time they investigated properly it was too late, he was given 6 weeks but lasted a year.

It just seems to be pot luck whether you get diagnosed in time, sometimes cancer is the last thing the doctor seems to think about, despite the fact it seems to be more prevalent than ever. (And I appreciate there are many forms of cancer, but you'd think that someone presenting with symptoms of the more common kind would maybe set alarm bells ringing.)

[throbber]

Sorry mate, I'm 39.

It's okay and good to know you are doing better. Not that there's a good or bad age to get cancer but that is too young to be diagnosed with it! Are you a smoker?

[Fide]

2 hours ago, throbber said:

 

It's okay and good to know you are doing better. Not that there's a good or bad age to get cancer but that is too young to be diagnosed with it! Are you a smoker?

I used to be but jacked it in 4 years ago.

[throbber]

I used to be but jacked it in 4 years ago.

I suppose it's hard to say if that's what caused the cancer then.

[Fide]

Just now, throbber said:

 

I suppose it's hard to say if that's what caused the cancer then.

Aye who knows.  The kicker was, when I was diagnosed, I was in the best shape I'd been in for years.  I was eating healthy, avoiding junk food, obviously off the fags, my booze intake was negligible and I'd started a fairly intense fitness regime.  The cosmic joker can be a right c**t sometimes.

[throbber]

Aye who knows.  The kicker was, when I was diagnosed, I was in the best shape I'd been in for years.  I was eating healthy, avoiding junk food, obviously off the fags, my booze intake was negligible and I'd started a fairly intense fitness regime.  The cosmic joker can be a right c**t sometimes.

Yeah, to be fair it more than likely did contribute as it is an utterly destructive habit to have. I'm more aware of lifestyle choices now that I'm 30 but still find myself drinking irresponsibly every time I drink which can cause all sorts of health problems which can bite me on the arse at any time.

[wellinwigan]

My mum died of same thing 15 month ago. My sympathy mate can only endorse what many have said and spend as much time as you can with her.I think about my mum every day she was 68 when she died of it. Chin up mate 

[invergowrie arab]

My stepmum died of stomach cancer last year. Diagnosed and given 6 months and got two.

Out of her tree on painkillers the last few days absolutely tripping balls seeing all sorts of stuff and probably had no idea where she was.

What kind of fucked me up was assuming on that much morphine you just eventually drift away peacefully. All I'll say is that's not what happened.

I would say we have never been closer as a family since but it's shite that that's what takes.

See your pain in the arse relatives. Just go and phone them.

[BFTD]

As has already been said, pester the f**k out of your doctor. My mother's uncle, who was basically my hero when I was a wean, realised something was wrong in his "downstairs area" and went to see his doctor a couple of times. His generation thought of doctors as almost infallible, so when the lazy old b*****d fobbed him off, he assumed the quack knew what he was talking about. Eighteen months later, he's in agony and pissing blood, so goes to A&E - prostate cancer, and it's terminal. Dead within months.

The only good thing to come out of it is that my mum had similar problems years later, and was given the same soft-soap treatment by her doctor - not to worry dear, it's just your age, you have to expect these kinds of problems as you get older, etc. She kept going back to him on a weekly basis and finally threatened to change to another practice, so he referred her just to shut her up. Turned out she had polyps growing in her colon, some of which were cancerous.

If anyone you care about complains about something that could be cancer, ride them until they get a decent answer from their doctor. You can't take any chances with this shit.

[capybara]

Some heart-breaking stories here, 

 

I was going to do post about what I have just gone through on the Depression thread, but this seems more apt.

My dad was diagnosed around Oct last year, Cancer was in his jaw and we were told there was nothing they could do. I still remember the hopeful look on my dads face as he sat up on the couch in the consultants room. It was a severe blow to us all. I had been on anti depressants before and my doctor put me back on a course and has since increased them. I also have sleeping pills as I find it so hard to get a decent rest.

My dad had no real health issues although he had a pace maker fitted a few years ago. He was 87 and sprightly. He walked for his paper , messages etc and had only recently stopped driving.  Christmas and New Year were  tough, as although we had not been given a "time" we knew this was the last we would  have together. You start thinking about "the lasts". Last time to St Andrews last time to Kelvingrove etc.  I had to move back from Edinburgh to look after both my parents as mum has heart problems and had another attack in the New Year. My work suffered as I could no longer do Long distance deliveries as I needed to be back in the evening, I got to Edinburgh maybe once a week. 

Cancer takes its toll on the whole family , and while I got help from McMillian local Nurses and Doctors, and the council. Things got harder and harder. Dad wanted to stay at home and we did this up until a few days before his death. For a few months he seemed much like he always did. But he started to lose weight he had to walk with a stick. He gradually lost interest in his crossword, TV  etc.  He did keep his love of Classical music going though. Things got harder for all of us, I was drinking more than was good for me on top of my medication. Money was tight although we did get help through the DWP. 

The decline in the end was fairly rapid and brutal. We had to do most things for him. Cook , wash him , shave him, get him into his bed. One night I had to change him three times as he could not control his bowels. It was roll reversal, what he did for me  at the start of my life I was doing for him at the end of his. 

He was taken to Hospital on the Fri night and Died at 06:05 on the Wed. I sat with him, I held his hand, I kissed him on the forehead and said goodbye. I still haven't cried. 

I guess you are so busy then. Visitors , getting in touch with Pensions etc etc. There is so much to do. The funeral has come and gone. We all played our part in the process maybe that made things easier. But there is no right or wrong on how to feel, how to go about dealing with terminal illness and death. We will all react and cope in different ways. 

Now I feel a real sense of loss it, if anything is getting worse. My young brother had a heart attack and has undergone surgery. You sometimes feel "why bother". Well I still am.

I have a wonderful family and mum needs all the support I can give her. I need to look after my own health now and get back to work. I will never forget my dad. I remember and think about him all the time. He is in my very being. 

I hope this may help some of you who are struggling with things , please feel free to get in touch Love to one and all. And lets hope that one day we can defeat the scourge of Cancer.

 

 

[Fide]

28 minutes ago, capybara said:

Some heart-breaking stories here, 

 

I was going to do post about what I have just gone through on the Depression thread, but this seems more apt.

My dad was diagnosed around Oct last year, Cancer was in his jaw and we were told there was nothing they could do. I still remember the hopeful look on my dads face as he sat up on the couch in the consultants room. It was a severe blow to us all. I had been on anti depressants before and my doctor put me back on a course and has since increased them. I also have sleeping pills as I find it so hard to get a decent rest.

My dad had no real health issues although he had a pace maker fitted a few years ago. He was 87 and sprightly. He walked for his paper , messages etc and had only recently stopped driving.  Christmas and New Year were  tough, as although we had not been given a "time" we knew this was the last we would  have together. You start thinking about "the lasts". Last time to St Andrews last time to Kelvingrove etc.  I had to move back from Edinburgh to look after both my parents as mum has heart problems and had another attack in the New Year. My work suffered as I could no longer do Long distance deliveries as I needed to be back in the evening, I got to Edinburgh maybe once a week. 

Cancer takes its toll on the whole family , and while I got help from McMillian local Nurses and Doctors, and the council. Things got harder and harder. Dad wanted to stay at home and we did this up until a few days before his death. For a few months he seemed much like he always did. But he started to lose weight he had to walk with a stick. He gradually lost interest in his crossword, TV  etc.  He did keep his love of Classical music going though. Things got harder for all of us, I was drinking more than was good for me on top of my medication. Money was tight although we did get help through the DWP. 

The decline in the end was fairly rapid and brutal. We had to do most things for him. Cook , wash him , shave him, get him into his bed. One night I had to change him three times as he could not control his bowels. It was roll reversal, what he did for me  at the start of my life I was doing for him at the end of his. 

He was taken to Hospital on the Fri night and Died at 06:05 on the Wed. I sat with him, I held his hand, I kissed him on the forehead and said goodbye. I still haven't cried. 

I guess you are so busy then. Visitors , getting in touch with Pensions etc etc. There is so much to do. The funeral has come and gone. We all played our part in the process maybe that made things easier. But there is no right or wrong on how to feel, how to go about dealing with terminal illness and death. We will all react and cope in different ways. 

Now I feel a real sense of loss it, if anything is getting worse. My young brother had a heart attack and has undergone surgery. You sometimes feel "why bother". Well I still am.

I have a wonderful family and mum needs all the support I can give her. I need to look after my own health now and get back to work. I will never forget my dad. I remember and think about him all the time. He is in my very being. 

I hope this may help some of you who are struggling with things , please feel free to get in touch Love to one and all. And lets hope that one day we can defeat the scourge of Cancer.

 

 

My heart truly goes out to you.

As you alluded to, sometimes, the worst victims of any cancer are the family and friends.  I had to tell my son and daughter I had cancer.  I was lucky in that I could tell them it was treatable, but I still remember the wail my daughter let out when I told her and how both their faces just crumpled. 

I hope you get through this mate.  Don't be afraid to look for help wherever you can. x

[Jacksgranda]

34 minutes ago, capybara said:

Some heart-breaking stories here, 

 

I was going to do post about what I have just gone through on the Depression thread, but this seems more apt.

My dad was diagnosed around Oct last year, Cancer was in his jaw and we were told there was nothing they could do. I still remember the hopeful look on my dads face as he sat up on the couch in the consultants room. It was a severe blow to us all. I had been on anti depressants before and my doctor put me back on a course and has since increased them. I also have sleeping pills as I find it so hard to get a decent rest.

My dad had no real health issues although he had a pace maker fitted a few years ago. He was 87 and sprightly. He walked for his paper , messages etc and had only recently stopped driving.  Christmas and New Year were  tough, as although we had not been given a "time" we knew this was the last we would  have together. You start thinking about "the lasts". Last time to St Andrews last time to Kelvingrove etc.  I had to move back from Edinburgh to look after both my parents as mum has heart problems and had another attack in the New Year. My work suffered as I could no longer do Long distance deliveries as I needed to be back in the evening, I got to Edinburgh maybe once a week. 

Cancer takes its toll on the whole family , and while I got help from McMillian local Nurses and Doctors, and the council. Things got harder and harder. Dad wanted to stay at home and we did this up until a few days before his death. For a few months he seemed much like he always did. But he started to lose weight he had to walk with a stick. He gradually lost interest in his crossword, TV  etc.  He did keep his love of Classical music going though. Things got harder for all of us, I was drinking more than was good for me on top of my medication. Money was tight although we did get help through the DWP. 

The decline in the end was fairly rapid and brutal. We had to do most things for him. Cook , wash him , shave him, get him into his bed. One night I had to change him three times as he could not control his bowels. It was roll reversal, what he did for me  at the start of my life I was doing for him at the end of his. 

He was taken to Hospital on the Fri night and Died at 06:05 on the Wed. I sat with him, I held his hand, I kissed him on the forehead and said goodbye. I still haven't cried. 

I guess you are so busy then. Visitors , getting in touch with Pensions etc etc. There is so much to do. The funeral has come and gone. We all played our part in the process maybe that made things easier. But there is no right or wrong on how to feel, how to go about dealing with terminal illness and death. We will all react and cope in different ways. 

Now I feel a real sense of loss it, if anything is getting worse. My young brother had a heart attack and has undergone surgery. You sometimes feel "why bother". Well I still am.

I have a wonderful family and mum needs all the support I can give her. I need to look after my own health now and get back to work. I will never forget my dad. I remember and think about him all the time. He is in my very being. 

I hope this may help some of you who are struggling with things , please feel free to get in touch Love to one and all. And lets hope that one day we can defeat the scourge of Cancer.

 

 

That nearly made me cry.

[Jacksgranda]

9 minutes ago, Fide said:

My heart truly goes out to you.

As you alluded to, sometimes, the worst victims of any cancer are the family and friends.  I had to tell my son and daughter I had cancer.  I was lucky in that I could tell them it was treatable, but I still remember the wail my daughter let out when I told her and how both their faces just crumpled. 

I hope you get through this mate.  Don't be afraid to look for help wherever you can. x

My wife telling the two youngest girls (she told all the children of course) was tough. (We didn't know how it was going to pan out at that stage.) One was just started secondary school and the other one was 19 and a bit immature for her age. The youngest one was only 1 when her father died, and the other one has only vague memories. It's hard, all right. 

[Fide]

25 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

My wife telling the two youngest girls (she told all the children of course) was tough. (We didn't know how it was going to pan out at that stage.) One was just started secondary school and the other one was 19 and a bit immature for her age. The youngest one was only 1 when her father died, and the other one has only vague memories. It's hard, all right. 

It was the toughest part for me.  My two were 10 and 9 when we told them.  I'm so proud of how they dealt with it though.  The school helped, with both teachers and staff keeping an eye on them.  They've never been shy in discussing it, which was a massive part of them being able to take it in and process it in their own time.  They do still ask me regularly for reassurances that it won't come back.

[welshbairn]

6 minutes ago, Fide said:

It was the toughest part for me.  My two were 10 and 9 when we told them.  I'm so proud of how they dealt with it though.  The school helped, with both teachers and staff keeping an eye on them.  They've never been shy in discussing it, which was a massive part of them being able to take it in and process it in their own time.  They do still ask me regularly for reassurances that it won't come back.

Tell them it won't come back if they keep their rooms tidy, do the washing up and work hard at school.

[bobbykdy]

On 01/07/2017 at 10:46, Bairnardo said:

My mum died of cancer 3 years ago mate. All I can say to you is if you know the end is near, dont let anything go unsaid, and just be there everyday if you can. 

100% this. Lost my old man at the start of June and made sure I knew all his wishes and said everything to him I wanted to. It doesn't make it any easier but it is a comfort to know you have done and said everything you can. It is an utterly vile diesase, although he had been treated twice and thought it had been caught both times he went from no symptoms of feeling unwell to dead in under 8 weeks. Absolutely frightening and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[capybara]

100% this. Lost my old man at the start of June and made sure I knew all his wishes and said everything to him I wanted to. It doesn't make it any easier but it is a comfort to know you have done and said everything you can. It is an utterly vile diesase, although he had been treated twice and thought it had been caught both times he went from no symptoms of feeling unwell to dead in under 8 weeks. Absolutely frightening and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

It is the sheer brutality of Cancer. People are struck down with Heart attacks. Die in car crashes. There is something about cancer and it's cruelty. I sat with my dad wishing him away in the end because he was so agitated. He would be sleeping with his eyes open . Grey in the back of his head. Then sit bolt upright. Well the best he could. I would hold his hand and tell him I was still here. As you say u would not wish it on anybody.

[Gaz]

I didn't know about this thread.

My dad has COPD from a lifetime of smoking and working on building sites. He finally kicked the smoking four years ago, but the damage is done.

He had a persistent cough over the winter and was hospitalised a few times at the start of the year with shortness of breath leading to panic attacks.

This happened a few times and then they did a scan on his lungs and found a shadow.

Fast forward a couple of weeks later and the doctor all but said* that my Dad has lung cancer.

However, because of the state of my Dad's lungs, they can't risk a biopsy. So we have no idea what stage it's at or how long he has.

His Doctor had essentially said they would organise palliative care and there was no treatment available.

At this stage we genuinely thought we had weeks left, if that. He was hospitalised again a couple of times and I went in to see him with my Mum and he just looked like he'd given up.

However, we then had a stroke of luck. Shortly after his 'diagnosis' my Mum got in touch with a surgeon at the Golden Jubilee who'd operated on my Dad's lungs a few years ago.

My Dad was in the hospital and a nurse asked him what treatment he was going to get. When my Dad said he wasn't to get any treatment, the nurse got in touch with this surgeon as well and he got in touch with my Dad. Said that because of my Dad's COPD there was no point doing a biopsy but it was pretty likely it was cancer, so he organised radiotherapy.

That was a few weeks ago. My Dad had five days of radiotherapy and is now slowly recovering. The hope is that this radiotherapy will have bought him another year or two, which we're delighted about.

It is indeed shite though. I lost my Papa a couple of months ago, but he was 85. He'd lived a full life. My Dad's only 57.

Don't smoke, kids.

[capybara]

My old boy perforated his bowel on my daughters birthday last October.  They operated, repaired the leak and found a massive inoperable tumour.
He had been losing weight for months but hadn't went to GP.  Also had never done his bowel screen, let that be a lesson for you.
Anyway we were told he wouldnt make it to xmas but here we are after palliative chemo still here in July.
He was always fit and was still doing marathons a few years ago, so to see someone as fit as can be end up walking with a stick and weighing six stone has been difficult.
Thankfully it hasnt spread to his brain and he remains as sharp as a tack with a good sense of humour which is just as well as I was berating him for costing me an unexpected christmas, birthday and fathers day present the other day.
I live close by so see him every day and we have always been close so there is nothing left unsaid.  One of my best ever days was when just the two of us went to Hexham races for his 65th and stayed over a couple of years ago.
He can't go far now but try to get him out the house when I can. He has been a great dad and I hope I can be as good a dad to my kids.
I will miss him.

Someone said to me on the depression thread just spend as much time as you can with him. Share the good and bad times. Laugh and cry.

[bobbykdy]

2 hours ago, capybara said:

It is the sheer brutality of Cancer. People are struck down with Heart attacks. Die in car crashes. There is something about cancer and it's cruelty. I sat with my dad wishing him away in the end because he was so agitated. He would be sleeping with his eyes open . Grey in the back of his head. Then sit bolt upright. Well the best he could. I would hold his hand and tell him I was still here. As you say u would not wish it on anybody.

That is the big thing in my opinion to be there for him and having him know you are there for him right until the end. I was lucky I chose to stay at his bedside overnight on the night he passed but it was just by sheer "luck" as he could have hung on another day or days, there is just no way of knowing and I would have felt awful (or even more awful) if I hadn't been there at the end.