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C**** on a Train


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2 minutes ago, ThatBoyRonaldo said:

There's always, *always* some w****r with a bike who's adamant that it'll fit.

I got on a fairly busy train the other week. It had a a few of the seats, with the back to the train wall. People were already standing at the doors. I managed to squeeze past them, to discover a cyclist on the middle of 3 seats, bike in front of him with the wheels blocking the other 2 seats. I can only assume no-one else asked him to move. When I did he mumps a bit about no other room, disrupting other people etc. I, in turn, politely explained how little I cared about this predicament and that I wanted a seat, pointing out the bike won't be taking up anymore space, it just won't be blocking seats.He continued moaning, but did move. I outcunted the c**t.

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I was coming back from Dunfermline and this woman had her kid in a pram and it was going mental crying and screaming and her total reaction was to nudge the pram every few seconds while she played Candy Crush was tempted to ask why she had the kid if she wanted to ignore it. 

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I had to get a train to Gothenburg one time and there was this young lad with a mate and a lady on her own, sitting at a table of 4. The young lad was drinking Bavaria straight out a large bottle of it and had headphones in, singing Pulp songs rather loudly. His pal looked embarrassed and the lady didn't look too impressed, even when offered a drink.

Don't think he meant to be a c**t though.


Also, surprised the story of the sheep on fire hasn't been mentioned it?!

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38 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

My missus and daughter are getting a train from Dundee to Dunblane this coming Saturday, (probably the 0817) and returning on the 1546.

Just to warn everyone.

Won't that depend on what the jury says?

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1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

My missus and daughter are getting a train from Dundee to Dunblane this coming Saturday, (probably the 0817) and returning on the 1546.

Just to warn everyone.

Has nobody else in your family got a driving license?

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Used to work in Newcastle city centre and commute on the bus from/to my home on the outskirts of the city. Same set of cretins, deadbeats, oafs and foul schoolgoers every single day. I assigned each of them a nickname based on their most annoying or prominent characteristics.

Whenever I get on public transport I almost feel the need to perform a risk assessment of where might be safe to sit, who to avoid, escape routes etc.

Edited by nsr
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2 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

My missus and daughter are getting a train from Dundee to Dunblane this coming Saturday, (probably the 0817) and returning on the 1546.

Just to warn everyone.

I bet they stand up to get ready just after Gleneagles.

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How about c***s outside a train/ bus?

The last pick up for the express buses from Glasgow down to the glorious shire is in Waterloo Street.  The queue outside Hotel Indigo can grow to Olympian levels after only a few minutes, so it boils my piss when people fucking jump the queue and think they can just board the bus without queueing with the rest of us mere mortals.  Even typing this is making me shake with a primal rage.

So, in essence, queue jumpers are absolute, consummate, abject, resolute c***s.

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18 minutes ago, Fide said:

How about c***s outside a train/ bus?

The last pick up for the express buses from Glasgow down to the glorious shire is in Waterloo Street.  The queue outside Hotel Indigo can grow to Olympian levels after only a few minutes, so it boils my piss when people fucking jump the queue and think they can just board the bus without queueing with the rest of us mere mortals.  Even typing this is making me shake with a primal rage.

So, in essence, queue jumpers are absolute, consummate, abject, resolute c***s.

Wait in the Admiral till the last second and right on in front of the wage slaves.

hee hee

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3 minutes ago, Glenconner said:

Wait in the Admiral till the last second and right on in front of the wage slaves.

hee hee

I love doing that, with a practised look of uncomprehending innocence if anyone complains.

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3 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

I had to get a train to Gothenburg one time and there was this young lad with a mate and a lady on her own, sitting at a table of 4. The young lad was drinking Bavaria straight out a large bottle of it and had headphones in, singing Pulp songs rather loudly. His pal looked embarrassed and the lady didn't look too impressed, even when offered a drink.

Don't think he meant to be a c**t though.


Also, surprised the story of the sheep on fire hasn't been mentioned it?!

This sounds awfully familiar...

I believe the person in question broke a door in the place they were staying pretty much right upon arrival before shitting in the bidet

Edited by DA Baracus
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This sounds awfully familiar...
I believe the person in question broke a door in the place they were staying pretty much right upon arrival before shitting in the bidet


The young chap never shat in the bidet, but was close to doing so.
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On 23.6.2017 at 19:15, Lambie's Pigeon Feed said:

Great thread but why are you not listening to tunes? It mitigates 90% of the issues on here. Sitting in silence listening to the public is hell. Music is heaven. No brainer.

Much prefer reading a book on the train. You don't tend to get too many loud c***s over here so the journey is normally quite quiet anyway.

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