The DA Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 An annoying Essex woman got on the Perth train at Queen Street and asked me in that really entitled way 'whether this train goes to Gleneagles'. I told her it did. When the train went steaming through Gleneagles and made its merry way onto 'Perth next stop' she leaned over the back of the chair and shouted at me, 'I thought you said this train went to Gleneagles'. 'To Gleneagles? I thought you said through Gleneagles. Sorry, I'm a bit deaf.' I might have been the c**t on the train that day. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Aldo Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Folk that insist on taking their jackets off on a busy train when there's clearly no room to do so. If it's that warm outside, don't put your jacket on in the first place. Otherwise, i'm sure you can withstand the inferno of the train for 10 minutes until it's time to get off. Also, folk that fight their way on to a busy train to get a seat only to then get off at the first stop and have to fight their way back through everyone again. Getting a seat genuinely doesn't bother me as I usually end up next to some fat smelly b*****d for my entire journey. Speaking of which, I got stuck next to some jakey cow the other week who had a plastic bag carrying f**k knows what. She insisted it was "mince and tatties" when it started leaking everywhere. One of the few times I've blatantly just stood up to go elsewhere on the train - a move which is only reserved for the biggest of c***s. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeAreElgin Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I agree, Bikes on trains are for cúnts. I was however just looking at places I can take my bike and do a bit of wild camping etc. need to get trains. I get to be the cúnt. Just drive. For anyone that is familiar with it, the train that runs from Gatwick airport to London Bridge is always horribly crowded due to the fact that there's no luggage space - it's the commuter train to/from Brighton. Suitcases and stupid oversized bags everywhere. It's carnage. On a particularly busy Monday morning, i once saw a woman try to get on at East Croydon with a giant mountain bike. It was completely packed and resembled an underground train with the way everyone was one pothole away from a sexual assault charge. She stood there sighing, and giving it the angry "excuse me" before giving up and actually ramming her bike in to the shins of those blocking her path. Surprisingly, no-one moved and the old c**t and her bike had to wait for the next train. It was beautiful. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Fifer Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 22 minutes ago, WeAreElgin said: Just drive. For anyone that is familiar with it, the train that runs from Gatwick airport to London Bridge is always horribly crowded due to the fact that there's no luggage space - it's the commuter train to/from Brighton. Suitcases and stupid oversized bags everywhere. It's carnage. On a particularly busy Monday morning, i once saw a woman try to get on at East Croydon with a giant mountain bike. It was completely packed and resembled an underground train with the way everyone was one pothole away from a sexual assault charge. She stood there sighing, and giving it the angry "excuse me" before giving up and actually ramming her bike in to the shins of those blocking her path. Surprisingly, no-one moved and the old c**t and her bike had to wait for the next train. It was beautiful. I work at Waverley and it's always astonishing to me that folk are confused when they bring 3 cases with them that there isn't much space. The luggage space isn't ideal on any train really but folk need to wise up that you can't just take the kitchen sink because you're not on a plane. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 There's an angry looking man staring at me on the train. I may have to call the guard. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 4 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: There's an angry looking man staring at me on the train. I may have to call the guard. You in fawn breeks and a button-down blue shirt? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 5 minutes ago, The DA said: You in fawn breeks and a button-down blue shirt? buttoned up i hope 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sergie's no1 fan Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 The c***s that put their bag on the seat when there are folk standing should be kicked in the pie. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewDon Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 In 1975, I was catching the London train from Crewe station. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat with a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair. It was the seventies - Buckaroo! When I sat down on the chair, I looked up and realised it was none other than Peter Purves. It was at the height of his Blue Peter fame. He said, "You jammy b*****d!" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!". Needless to say, I had the last laugh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LongTimeLurker Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 2 hours ago, whiskychimp said: I want an orderly queueing system for trains. Everyone turns up , goes through the ticket gate and is then held in an orderly queue. The train arrives and once everyone is off the queue is allowed to board. You would enjoy Japan. They have lines marked out on the platform for each carriage and people do exactly what you describe at least on the inter-city bullet trains. Local suburban ones can be more of a free for all sometimes depending on the city you are in. Highlights of Japanese rail travel for me have also included helping an old drunk guy who stumbled over and managed to fall between the platform and the train and get wedged in as the female guard panicked hysterically over what to do about it and fending off the advances of two very strange gay guys in a city called Utsunomiya. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Just now, Tynieness said: Are u the chap with the shellsuit and gola trainers sitting next to him? Yes, do you want half of my pie? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Kincardine Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 5 minutes ago, sergie's no1 fan said: The c***s that put their bag on the seat when there are folk standing should be kicked in the pie. It's actually more sinister than that. I spent 10 months getting the 08.00 4 days a week from High Wycombe to Marylebone. In true commuting style I got on the same carriage each morning. The train was about 80% full at Wycombe but the same 2/3 c***s would put their bag(s) on the inside seat only to move it when asked when the train stopped at Beaconsfield. How much of a c**t do you have to be to go through the same 'bags on the next-door seat, bags put overhead 6 minutes later' routine? Every working day of your life. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 Just now, Tynieness said: Absolutely. Wait till I've had my half. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 1 hour ago, Tynieness said: On train just now and got an absolute thundercunt opposite me. He has the posh c**t fawn breeks with button down blue shirt and having a posh c**t chat about pish. I hate him, I am considering booting him squarely in the baws when I get off. p***k. @Shandon Par is wondering if you could ask him where he got the breeks 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 15 minutes ago, LongTimeLurker said: You would enjoy Japan. They have lines marked out on the platform for each carriage and people do exactly what you describe at least on the inter-city bullet trains. Local suburban ones can be more of a free for all sometimes depending on the city you are in. Highlights of Japanese rail travel for me have also included helping an old drunk guy who stumbled over and managed to fall between the platform and the train and get wedged in as the female guard panicked hysterically over what to do about it and fending off the advances of two very strange gay guys in a city called Utsunomiya. I alway knew i loved Japan. Never been but i would move for a train system like that. Plus some of the things I've seen on xhamster 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin_Nevis Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I agree, Bikes on trains are for cúnts. I was however just looking at places I can take my bike and do a bit of wild camping etc. need to get trains. I get to be the cúnt. Inverness to Achnasheen Some glorious locations from there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I was out for walk Tuesday evening and there were two fatties in front of me jogging. It was that fatty type jog which is actually slower than my walk. Bit cringey when I overtook them, but they were talking a load of shite and were fat.. so fuk em 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I was out for walk Tuesday evening and there were two fatties in front of me jogging. It was that fatty type jog which is actually slower than my walk. Bit cringey when I overtook them, but they were talking a load of shite and were fat.. so fuk em That's cuntish behaviour from all 3 of you on a train tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 I have to defend my honour here. Socks and loafers? Button down shirts? Coloured breeks? Ffs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosser-fae-the-shire Posted June 22, 2017 Share Posted June 22, 2017 The c***s that put their bag on the seat when there are folk standing should be kicked in the pie. I don't get folk who would stand if someone had a bag on a seat. They'd be getting told to move it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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