C**** on a Train

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

1 hour ago, Scary Bear said:

Last Thursday on the 18.41 Edinburgh to Perth train it was again two annoying females. Big, fat, ugly, unhealthy looking and tattooed. They talked for the entire duration of the journey in loud voices. They got off at Kirkcaldy. They had driven to Kirkcaldy - presumably from somewhere else in Fife - by following a friend to the station. They were now unsure how to get home.

 

During the timetabled 48 minute journey the slightly more chatty one received two phone calls from what I presume was her teenage daughter. To be fair her parenting skills didn’t seem entirely shite as she did care what time of night her daughter was back in doors, but she seemed a pretty shouty parent. I hadn’t been bad, but I felt like I was being chastised. Evidently the daughters pal’s dad doesn’t care what happens to his daughter as he spend all his time in “The Masons”. Not unnaturally Uber Fogbeast 2 thought this meant The Masons, but it’s actually a pub somewhere in Fife. Anyone care to guess which village in Fife they are from?

 

The highlight was Fogbeast 1 describing “smouldering eyes” to Uber Fogbeast 2. These are evidently “come to bed eyes” that her and a pal were giving to random punters in the pub. I can only imagine the horror.

 

Anyway. I can still recall most of this conversation 5 days on, which shows what an abysmal social life I have and possibly also that my memory isn’t completely fucked.

 

People talking for an entire 48 minute journey (and the rest) in loud voice mode can give a man a bit of a headache. Bonus marks to Scotrail for extending the journey by holding us directly outside Stark’s Park for another 2-3 minutes.

 

c**t rating: 10

 

 

 

Anstruther?

[NJ2]

Last Thursday on the 18.41 Edinburgh to Perth train it was again two annoying females. Big, fat, ugly, unhealthy looking and tattooed. They talked for the entire duration of the journey in loud voices. They got off at Kirkcaldy. They had driven to Kirkcaldy - presumably from somewhere else in Fife - by following a friend to the station. They were now unsure how to get home.
 
During the timetabled 48 minute journey the slightly more chatty one received two phone calls from what I presume was her teenage daughter. To be fair her parenting skills didn’t seem entirely shite as she did care what time of night her daughter was back in doors, but she seemed a pretty shouty parent. I hadn’t been bad, but I felt like I was being chastised. Evidently the daughters pal’s dad doesn’t care what happens to his daughter as he spend all his time in “The Masons”. Not unnaturally Uber Fogbeast 2 thought this meant The Masons, but it’s actually a pub somewhere in Fife. Anyone care to guess which village in Fife they are from?
 
The highlight was Fogbeast 1 describing “smouldering eyes” to Uber Fogbeast 2. These are evidently “come to bed eyes” that her and a pal were giving to random punters in the pub. I can only imagine the horror.
 
Anyway. I can still recall most of this conversation 5 days on, which shows what an abysmal social life I have and possibly also that my memory isn’t completely fucked.
 
People talking for an entire 48 minute journey (and the rest) in loud voice mode can give a man a bit of a headache. Bonus marks to Scotrail for extending the journey by holding us directly outside Stark’s Park for another 2-3 minutes.
 
c**t rating: 10
 
 
 

St. Andrews? Shandon Par used to holiday there in summer or something and speaks of a daughter...

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Fogbeast is my favourite word of 2018 and paints the perfect picture of the hounds Scary Bear mentions.

[peasy23]

Not so much a c**t on a train but a train being a c**t.  Seat reserved this morning. Coach D apparently.
Cuntrain rolls into Dundee with coaches A, B, C, B, A.
c**t.

One of Genesis' better songs imo, preferred their early stuff.

[Honest_Man#1]

Euston to Glasgow train, stops at Preston and because of a cancelled train a huge load of people get on. A perfectly nice French family ask one scheme goblin (with standard neck tattoo and bottle of cider in hand) if she could move out of their reserved seats. Instant heads gone about her having a reserved seat in another carriage that she couldn’t sit in and she’s not moving because her kids need seats. French family stand awkwardly for a bit unsure of what to do but too nice to tell her to f**k off. Eventually her jakey pals shout down to her that they’ve got spare seats so she moves up whilst trying to tell everyone around her how rude the person was to her and how heartless she was wanting to sit in her reserved seat when it would mean her kids wouldn’t have one.

I fucking hate people.

[jimmy boo]

Euston to Glasgow train, stops at Preston and because of a cancelled train a huge load of people get on. A perfectly nice French family ask one scheme goblin (with standard neck tattoo and bottle of cider in hand) if she could move out of their reserved seats. Instant heads gone about her having a reserved seat in another carriage that she couldn’t sit in and she’s not moving because her kids need seats. French family stand awkwardly for a bit unsure of what to do but too nice to tell her to f**k off. Eventually her jakey pals shout down to her that they’ve got spare seats so she moves up whilst trying to tell everyone around her how rude the person was to her and how heartless she was wanting to sit in her reserved seat when it would mean her kids wouldn’t have one.
I fucking hate people.

Did you punch her in the pie?

[Honest_Man#1]

3 hours ago, jimmy boo said:

9 hours ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

Euston to Glasgow train, stops at Preston and because of a cancelled train a huge load of people get on. A perfectly nice French family ask one scheme goblin (with standard neck tattoo and bottle of cider in hand) if she could move out of their reserved seats. Instant heads gone about her having a reserved seat in another carriage that she couldn’t sit in and she’s not moving because her kids need seats. French family stand awkwardly for a bit unsure of what to do but too nice to tell her to f**k off. Eventually her jakey pals shout down to her that they’ve got spare seats so she moves up whilst trying to tell everyone around her how rude the person was to her and how heartless she was wanting to sit in her reserved seat when it would mean her kids wouldn’t have one.
I fucking hate people.

Did you punch her in the pie?

No, I sat there silently seething and posting on P&B. She probably would’ve laid me out if I’d tried anything tbh.

[GordonD]

9 hours ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

No, I sat there silently seething and posting on P&B. She probably would’ve laid me out if I’d tried anything tbh.

But you would still have held the moral high ground. They'd have said so at your funeral.

[OSP]

On 23/03/2018 at 16:32, Stellaboz said:

What's the etiquette for holding a seat for someone too stupid and slow to get there first?
Yesterday's train home, one seat left but some snooty looking, middle aged Weirdo goth has her bag on it.
Twice I ask her to kindly move her stuff and get total dingyed.

This train is packed out.

A moment later, pushing his way past many disgruntled passengers comes some smelly, fat, 20 something with a blue's Brothers hat trying to make himself look hipster. They're a couple clearly. Forgetting myself I call them c***s and move on to find a nice seat on the stairs.

First come first seated no? If you're too fat and stupid to get on first, tough shit no?

Or should I make some "train friends Ohhhhh friends" in the hope of grabbing a seat during rush hour?

Had some arseholes try something similar on the last train from Edinburgh to Glasgow about a year ago.

Was in the middle of the festival, so the train is absolutely heaving. Looks like standing room only, but I spot 2 empty seats at a table of four.

Me and Mrs OSP go to sit down, only for the two plonks in the other seats to say "Sorry, out friends are sitting there". When I asked where they were, they said "They're getting on at Falkirk..."

Get yourself to f**k arseholes. They can stand like everyone else is having to do.

[Arch Stanton]

Anyone care to guess which village in Fife they are from?

Has got to be that bastion of h**nery, Markinch.

[Scary Bear]

Has got to be that bastion of h**nery, Markinch.

Seems unlikely. Why would they drive to Kirkcaldy from Markinch? The next stop would be Markinch. Granted, they looked stupid enough to do that but there isn’t a pub there called The Masons, Masons Arms or anything of that ilk.

[NotThePars]

Guessing Lochgelly or Kelty.

[NJ2]

If it’s not Cowdenbeath I’ll be surprised

[coprolite]

No seat reservations on this morning's train but it's not an issue because there are 3 people in an 80 seater carriage. 

Neither of these facts stopped a tory bat from coming up to me and announcing "that's 76a, I've booked that".

c**t

[speckled tangerine]

1 hour ago, coprolite said:

No seat reservations on this morning's train but it's not an issue because there are 3 people in an 80 seater carriage. 

Neither of these facts stopped a tory bat from coming up to me and announcing "that's 76a, I've booked that".

c**t

You should have farted loudly on her seat before you moved. She may have changed her mind.

[Honest_Man#1]

7 hours ago, coprolite said:

No seat reservations on this morning's train but it's not an issue because there are 3 people in an 80 seater carriage. 

Neither of these facts stopped a tory bat from coming up to me and announcing "that's 76a, I've booked that".

c**t

Was on a train a while back where I had a reserved seat but someone was in it and the train was 90% empty so went and sat in another window seat. One of the stops a huge fat guy gets on and comes and sits in “his” reserved seat beside me despite the rest of the train being basically empty and him having the option of sitting in numerous places where he’d have two seats to himself as he requires. Sat for about 5 mins then asked to get out, took my stuff and sat in a different seat. Felt a bit of a dick as the guy clearly knew I was moving because he was a fat fucker and was crushing me against the wall, but at the same time why wouldn’t you just sit in a free row ffs.

[TheScarf]

On 06/08/2018 at 11:08, OSP said:

Had some arseholes try something similar on the last train from Edinburgh to Glasgow about a year ago.

Was in the middle of the festival, so the train is absolutely heaving. Looks like standing room only, but I spot 2 empty seats at a table of four.

Me and Mrs OSP go to sit down, only for the two plonks in the other seats to say "Sorry, out friends are sitting there". When I asked where they were, they said "They're getting on at Falkirk..."

Get yourself to f**k arseholes. They can stand like everyone else is having to do.

I trust you and the wife still sat in the seats?

[coprolite]

2 hours ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

Was on a train a while back where I had a reserved seat but someone was in it and the train was 90% empty so went and sat in another window seat. One of the stops a huge fat guy gets on and comes and sits in “his” reserved seat beside me despite the rest of the train being basically empty and him having the option of sitting in numerous places where he’d have two seats to himself as he requires. Sat for about 5 mins then asked to get out, took my stuff and sat in a different seat. Felt a bit of a dick as the guy clearly knew I was moving because he was a fat fucker and was crushing me against the wall, but at the same time why wouldn’t you just sit in a free row ffs.

he liked you. 

[Stellaboz]

c***s in a plane dropping bombs that don't explode on impact, resulting 70 odd years later in a station being closed and train delays and cancelations resulting in me being late as f**k getting home tonight when I'm meant to be up at 5am.

[Ira Gaines]

"C**** on a plane" thread for this pish.