coprolite Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 NITWIT FRIENDLY VERSION Two school age old female neds, who looked older than 13 but not as old as 16, chanting 'I'd rather be a Muslim than a Tim' over and over on the train tonight. They got off at Blantyre. Blantyre is just the worst place anywhere. I met a guy on a bus one time who had come to Scotland from Malawi specifically to see Blantyre. would he not have liked it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Tout P'ti FC Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 I met a guy on a bus one time who had come to Scotland from Malawi specifically to see Blantyre. would he not have liked it? What brought him there? Dr Livingstone, I presume? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 On 8/28/2017 at 10:51, Hedgecutter said: I've got the English equivalent of Father Purcell sitting in the row two behind me with his even more boring (presumed) wife. Only two hours to go with no spare seats. Typical sort of thing so far (all one conversation): Are we in a tunnel? No. Then why was it dark? We were just in a tunnel. It was dark wasn't it. Yes it was. But it's not dark now. No. I quite like the dark. I prefer light. Why? You can see things. Like what? I like cows. And sheep. I like it when you can see the sea. Especially when you can see boats. What is Newcastle famous for? Don't know. What is Sheffield famous for? Don't know. They have two football teams I think. I don't like football. That reads like Samuel Beckett. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 1 hour ago, Hillonearth said: That reads like Samuel Beckett. Oh boy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 2 minutes ago, GordonD said: Oh boy. Whereas that reads like Buddy Holly. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 26 minutes ago, Hillonearth said: Whereas that reads like Buddy Holly. Oh oh, and this reads like Mary Tyler Moore 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busta Nut Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 4 hours ago, coprolite said: I met a guy on a bus one time who had come to Scotland from Malawi specifically to see Blantyre. would he not have liked it? He probably got stabbed 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CityDave Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 8 hours ago, Busta Nut said: He probably got stabbed Or worse, end up playing for the Vics. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 brummi behind me has just been reading his wife an article about brexit negotiations. He sounds upset about the Europeans. He is now debating whether to have fish for tea.i am thinking about using my pen to burst both of my ear drums. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 I'm not sure if I told the tomato sauce story on this thread yet so here goes. Drink had been partaken prior to these events. Roughly 2006 me and my mate were coming back from seeing rapper The Game at Carling Academy. We caught the last train back from central heading to Ayr. On the way there though we were getting quite hungry so we nipped into the Blue Lagoon under Central (across from the front door of the Arches) and got some food for the train. Most people in the city centre are used to paying for the wee sachets of tomato sauce however if you are from any other part of Scotland you expect your sauce to come as part of the price. We had a bit of light hearted banter with the guy about needing 15 sachets (or whatever) and they were like 10p each. The guy behind the counter eventually said we should just buy a glass bottle of tomato sauce as it would be cheaper from the wee shelf next to the till (I walked past this chippy yesterday for the first time in a while and remembered the story hence why I am telling it now - they still have the sauces for sale on the shelf and I had a wee chuckle to myself yesterday at the thought of the story). We took the jar and got on the train. Kilwinning is about 25 mins from Glasgow and we ate our individual orders from the chippy and had our helpings of the sauce as required. You are never going to use a full bottle of the stuff on two suppers so we had some left. We noticed a businessman type guy sitting (or I should say sleeping) across from us. He had a can of irn bru so we thought what would be funnier than putting some of the sauce in the can for him to wake up to. Can was stolen and we put some in then put it back down and waited, giggling away as you do, for the guy to wake up. We tried a few shouts and stuff to wake him up but he never did. Well not never as the guy didn't die but he didn't wake up before Kilwinning. So, as we had missed the laugh we wanted to him we just covered the guys suit, trousers and some on his hair in tomato sauce, exited the train and went down to the window he was sleeping against and started banging it. He woke up just as the train was departing and the laugh we had going home imagining him waking up, being absolutely fucking livid, cleaning himself up and then (probably) starting to relax and sitting back to take a sip out of his tomato sauce filled can of irn bru will live with me forever. We were the very definition of c***s on a train. -9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RR #1 Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 44 minutes ago, Dindeleux said: I'm not sure if I told the tomato sauce story on this thread yet so here goes. Drink had been partaken prior to these events. Roughly 2006 me and my mate were coming back from seeing rapper The Game at Carling Academy. We caught the last train back from central heading to Ayr. On the way there though we were getting quite hungry so we nipped into the Blue Lagoon under Central (across from the front door of the Arches) and got some food for the train. Most people in the city centre are used to paying for the wee sachets of tomato sauce however if you are from any other part of Scotland you expect your sauce to come as part of the price. We had a bit of light hearted banter with the guy about needing 15 sachets (or whatever) and they were like 10p each. The guy behind the counter eventually said we should just buy a glass bottle of tomato sauce as it would be cheaper from the wee shelf next to the till (I walked past this chippy yesterday for the first time in a while and remembered the story hence why I am telling it now - they still have the sauces for sale on the shelf and I had a wee chuckle to myself yesterday at the thought of the story). We took the jar and got on the train. Kilwinning is about 25 mins from Glasgow and we ate our individual orders from the chippy and had our helpings of the sauce as required. You are never going to use a full bottle of the stuff on two suppers so we had some left. We noticed a businessman type guy sitting (or I should say sleeping) across from us. He had a can of irn bru so we thought what would be funnier than putting some of the sauce in the can for him to wake up to. Can was stolen and we put some in then put it back down and waited, giggling away as you do, for the guy to wake up. We tried a few shouts and stuff to wake him up but he never did. Well not never as the guy didn't die but he didn't wake up before Kilwinning. So, as we had missed the laugh we wanted to him we just covered the guys suit, trousers and some on his hair in tomato sauce, exited the train and went down to the window he was sleeping against and started banging it. He woke up just as the train was departing and the laugh we had going home imagining him waking up, being absolutely fucking livid, cleaning himself up and then (probably) starting to relax and sitting back to take a sip out of his tomato sauce filled can of irn bru will live with me forever. We were the very definition of c***s on a train. Superb story. Glad I took the time to read that. You should bring that out as a novel. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Dindeleux said: I'm not sure if I told the tomato sauce story on this thread yet so here goes. Drink had been partaken prior to these events. Roughly 2006 me and my mate were coming back from seeing rapper The Game at Carling Academy. We caught the last train back from central heading to Ayr. On the way there though we were getting quite hungry so we nipped into the Blue Lagoon under Central (across from the front door of the Arches) and got some food for the train. Most people in the city centre are used to paying for the wee sachets of tomato sauce however if you are from any other part of Scotland you expect your sauce to come as part of the price. We had a bit of light hearted banter with the guy about needing 15 sachets (or whatever) and they were like 10p each. The guy behind the counter eventually said we should just buy a glass bottle of tomato sauce as it would be cheaper from the wee shelf next to the till (I walked past this chippy yesterday for the first time in a while and remembered the story hence why I am telling it now - they still have the sauces for sale on the shelf and I had a wee chuckle to myself yesterday at the thought of the story). We took the jar and got on the train. Kilwinning is about 25 mins from Glasgow and we ate our individual orders from the chippy and had our helpings of the sauce as required. You are never going to use a full bottle of the stuff on two suppers so we had some left. We noticed a businessman type guy sitting (or I should say sleeping) across from us. He had a can of irn bru so we thought what would be funnier than putting some of the sauce in the can for him to wake up to. Can was stolen and we put some in then put it back down and waited, giggling away as you do, for the guy to wake up. We tried a few shouts and stuff to wake him up but he never did. Well not never as the guy didn't die but he didn't wake up before Kilwinning. So, as we had missed the laugh we wanted to him we just covered the guys suit, trousers and some on his hair in tomato sauce, exited the train and went down to the window he was sleeping against and started banging it. He woke up just as the train was departing and the laugh we had going home imagining him waking up, being absolutely fucking livid, cleaning himself up and then (probably) starting to relax and sitting back to take a sip out of his tomato sauce filled can of irn bru will live with me forever. We were the very definition of c***s on a train. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Within 5 metres - two screaming babies, one satanically screeching toddler, one hyperactive spoiled 4 year old throwing stuff around, one c**t playing the new Spiderman move full blast on his phone, another c**t playing some cockfucking online game at full blast, and a selection of c***s in back-and-forth messagefests with their nails-on-blackboard message notifications on full volume. And two middle-aged dudes hacking up gochle from their throats every few minutes. At least the trains are fast as f**k. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Within 5 metres - two screaming babies, one satanically screeching toddler, one hyperactive spoiled 4 year old throwing stuff around, one c**t playing the new Spiderman move full blast on his phone, another c**t playing some cockfucking online game at full blast, and a selection of c***s in back-and-forth messagefests with their nails-on-blackboard message notifications on full volume. And two middle-aged dudes hacking up gochle from their throats every few minutes. At least the trains are fast as f**k.Not enjoying your family trip together then ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 2 hours ago, Dindeleux said: I'm not sure if I told the tomato sauce story on this thread yet so here goes. Drink had been partaken prior to these events. Roughly 2006 me and my mate were coming back from seeing rapper The Game at Carling Academy. We caught the last train back from central heading to Ayr. On the way there though we were getting quite hungry so we nipped into the Blue Lagoon under Central (across from the front door of the Arches) and got some food for the train. Most people in the city centre are used to paying for the wee sachets of tomato sauce however if you are from any other part of Scotland you expect your sauce to come as part of the price. We had a bit of light hearted banter with the guy about needing 15 sachets (or whatever) and they were like 10p each. The guy behind the counter eventually said we should just buy a glass bottle of tomato sauce as it would be cheaper from the wee shelf next to the till (I walked past this chippy yesterday for the first time in a while and remembered the story hence why I am telling it now - they still have the sauces for sale on the shelf and I had a wee chuckle to myself yesterday at the thought of the story). We took the jar and got on the train. Kilwinning is about 25 mins from Glasgow and we ate our individual orders from the chippy and had our helpings of the sauce as required. You are never going to use a full bottle of the stuff on two suppers so we had some left. We noticed a businessman type guy sitting (or I should say sleeping) across from us. He had a can of irn bru so we thought what would be funnier than putting some of the sauce in the can for him to wake up to. Can was stolen and we put some in then put it back down and waited, giggling away as you do, for the guy to wake up. We tried a few shouts and stuff to wake him up but he never did. Well not never as the guy didn't die but he didn't wake up before Kilwinning. So, as we had missed the laugh we wanted to him we just covered the guys suit, trousers and some on his hair in tomato sauce, exited the train and went down to the window he was sleeping against and started banging it. He woke up just as the train was departing and the laugh we had going home imagining him waking up, being absolutely fucking livid, cleaning himself up and then (probably) starting to relax and sitting back to take a sip out of his tomato sauce filled can of irn bru will live with me forever. We were the very definition of c***s on a train. Worse than 8mile kicking over a homeless girl's cider imo. Still giggling about it too by the tone of it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Just now, welshbairn said: Worse than 8mile kicking over a homeless girl's cider imo. Still giggling about it too by the tone of it. Yeh I was laughing about it yesterday and again as I posted it. Horrific behaviour but it is the c***s on a train thread. -2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Dindeleux said: Yeh I was laughing about it yesterday and again as I posted it. Horrific behaviour but it is the c***s on a train thread. Aye, but it's not for trying to glorify and brag about utterly cuntish behaviour to a total stranger. I hope karma exists in your case. Edited September 8, 2017 by welshbairn 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Just now, welshbairn said: Aye, but not trying to glorify and brag about utterly cuntish behaviour to a total stranger. I hope karma exists in your case. Hope you don't think any less of me Welshbairn. That would devastate me. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Just now, Dindeleux said: Hope you don't think any less of me Welshbairn. That would devastate me. It's the fact you seem proud of it that has plummeted my opinion of you since your glory days of the trainer scam. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 4 minutes ago, welshbairn said: It's the fact you seem proud of it that has plummeted my opinion of you since your glory days of the trainer scam. Not sure how I will get to sleep tonight. Possibly just by laughing myself to sleep at the thought of the loser on the train and the loser crying about it on this thread, -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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