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C**** on a Train


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A guy plopped his bag down on the table I was sitting at earlier this evening and as soon as I saw the Tupperware dish full of some pasta dish placed on the table, I thought of this thread. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt until the plastic fork also appeared and "c**t on a train" screamed at me. He then got his laptop out on the table and proceeded to eat. I'm thankful I was listening to music(with earphones), in case his laptop stuff was loud. c**t!

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On the train up from Preston to Haymarket last night and 2 utterly smashed c***s get on at Carlisle. Barely able to stand at 6pm on a Thursday night so it's not looking good. One plants himself across the aisle from me, the other sits down beside me. 

Now, I've just spent 24 hours in the shitehouse that is Preston so my mood is not good. The one beside me seems incapable of conversationbut occasionally bellows "FUUCCKKK!" down the train. 

The other boy is just as pished - maybe more so but makes a valiant effort to engage with the couple across the table from him. Looks the guy in the eye, nods at the lassie and asks "are you bangin her?".  Doesn't get a straight answer but helpfully adds "because I'd fuckin bang her if I was where you are". 

Cannae help but think he helped set that laddie up for his hole later in the evening. 

They decanted at Lockerbie and the train breathed out. 

Edited by HTG
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13 hours ago, Dindeleux said:

I'm not sure if I told the tomato sauce story on this thread yet so here goes. Drink had been partaken prior to these events.

 

 

Roughly 2006 me and my mate were coming back from seeing rapper The Game at Carling Academy. We caught the last train back from central heading to Ayr. On the way there though we were getting quite hungry so we nipped into the Blue Lagoon under Central (across from the front door of the Arches) and got some food for the train.

 

Most people in the city centre are used to paying for the wee sachets of tomato sauce however if you are from any other part of Scotland you expect your sauce to come as part of the price. We had a bit of light hearted banter with the guy about needing 15 sachets (or whatever) and they were like 10p each. The guy behind the counter eventually said we should just buy a glass bottle of tomato sauce as it would be cheaper from the wee shelf next to the till (I walked past this chippy yesterday for the first time in a while and remembered the story hence why I am telling it now - they still have the sauces for sale on the shelf and I had a wee chuckle to myself yesterday at the thought of the story).

 

We took the jar and got on the train. Kilwinning is about 25 mins from Glasgow and we ate our individual orders from the chippy and had our helpings of the sauce as required.

 

You are never going to use a full bottle of the stuff on two suppers so we had some left.

 

We noticed a businessman type guy sitting (or I should say sleeping) across from us. He had a can of irn bru so we thought what would be funnier than putting some of the sauce in the can for him to wake up to. Can was stolen and we put some in then put it back down and waited, giggling away as you do, for the guy to wake up. We tried a few shouts and stuff to wake him up but he never did. Well not never as the guy didn't die but he didn't wake up before Kilwinning.

 

So, as we had missed the laugh we wanted to him we just covered the guys suit, trousers and some on his hair in tomato sauce, exited the train and went down to the window he was sleeping against and started banging it. He woke up just as the train was departing and the laugh we had going home imagining him waking up, being absolutely fucking livid, cleaning himself up and then (probably) starting to relax and sitting back to take a sip out of his tomato sauce filled can of irn bru will live with me forever.

 

We were the very definition of c***s on a train.

 

That's genuinely abysmal behaviour. What the f**k were you thinking?

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13 hours ago, Dindeleux said:

I'm not sure if I told the tomato sauce story on this thread yet so here goes. Drink had been partaken prior to these events.

 

 

Roughly 2006 me and my mate were coming back from seeing rapper The Game at Carling Academy. We caught the last train back from central heading to Ayr. On the way there though we were getting quite hungry so we nipped into the Blue Lagoon under Central (across from the front door of the Arches) and got some food for the train.

 

Most people in the city centre are used to paying for the wee sachets of tomato sauce however if you are from any other part of Scotland you expect your sauce to come as part of the price. We had a bit of light hearted banter with the guy about needing 15 sachets (or whatever) and they were like 10p each. The guy behind the counter eventually said we should just buy a glass bottle of tomato sauce as it would be cheaper from the wee shelf next to the till (I walked past this chippy yesterday for the first time in a while and remembered the story hence why I am telling it now - they still have the sauces for sale on the shelf and I had a wee chuckle to myself yesterday at the thought of the story).

 

We took the jar and got on the train. Kilwinning is about 25 mins from Glasgow and we ate our individual orders from the chippy and had our helpings of the sauce as required.

 

You are never going to use a full bottle of the stuff on two suppers so we had some left.

 

We noticed a businessman type guy sitting (or I should say sleeping) across from us. He had a can of irn bru so we thought what would be funnier than putting some of the sauce in the can for him to wake up to. Can was stolen and we put some in then put it back down and waited, giggling away as you do, for the guy to wake up. We tried a few shouts and stuff to wake him up but he never did. Well not never as the guy didn't die but he didn't wake up before Kilwinning.

 

So, as we had missed the laugh we wanted to him we just covered the guys suit, trousers and some on his hair in tomato sauce, exited the train and went down to the window he was sleeping against and started banging it. He woke up just as the train was departing and the laugh we had going home imagining him waking up, being absolutely fucking livid, cleaning himself up and then (probably) starting to relax and sitting back to take a sip out of his tomato sauce filled can of irn bru will live with me forever.

 

We were the very definition of c***s on a train.

 

:lol: for f**k sake

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12 hours ago, HTG said:

On the train up from Preston to Haymarket last night and 2 utterly smashed c***s get on at Carlisle.

They decanted at Lockerbie and the train breathed out. 

Says a lot about Lockerbie when Carlisle is seen as an option for a day out.

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If someone did it to me I would be absolutely furious of course but at 18 it seemed funny. I'm sure you all did things at 18 that you found funny that you would never do now.

If you weren't up to any similar level of scummy behaviour at least some time during your life then you've probably had quite a boring time. Feel sorry for you to be honest.

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If you weren't up to any similar level of scummy behaviour at least some time during your life then you've probably had quite a boring time. Feel sorry for you to be honest.


I think that last sentence highlights how tragic your life must be.
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Think I'll just step away from this now as I just realised I'm displaying the old "not bothered what you think" by then attempting to justify and push back to those who make comments which is never a great look.

Just hope you never fall asleep near me on a train.

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I fell asleep drunk on a train once after a night out. Woke up with some young ruffians banging on the window trying to get my attention. Realised I must've accidentally fallen into some young mans bottle of ketchup he had bought to enjoy his dinner with, and spilt it all over my suit. Decided I'd get the wife to clean it later, opened a new can of irn bru as the last one had been sitting a while and I don't like drinking flat juice. Fell back asleep and got off at my stop. Never did find out what those young lads wanted me for, maybe one day I'll find out

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I fell asleep drunk on a train once after a night out. Woke up with some young ruffians banging on the window trying to get my attention. Realised I must've accidentally fallen into some young mans bottle of ketchup he had bought to enjoy his dinner with, and spilt it all over my suit. Decided I'd get the wife to clean it later, opened a new can of irn bru as the last one had been sitting a while and I don't like drinking flat juice. Fell back asleep and got off at my stop. Never did find out what those young lads wanted me for, maybe one day I'll find out


They were going to shag you up the arse, with a jar of Henry Heinz's finest providing the lubrication.
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On the train home and some dreadful cringey patter from a load of Sevco and Celtic fans. To think I actually moved to this carriage because the one I was in originally had some scum Sevcoites hanging up a union jack by the window (using the rack above to tie it)

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Train form Paisley to Ayr and initially tempted to have a go at c***s with bags on seats and c***s having a a domestic argument on her phone but then thought about what a fantastic day I've had so will happily stand and then sit for last wee bit from Kilwinning

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On 08/09/2017 at 19:21, Dindeleux said:

I'm not sure if I told the tomato sauce story on this thread yet so here goes. Drink had been partaken prior to these events.

 

 

Roughly 2006 me and my mate were coming back from seeing rapper The Game at Carling Academy. We caught the last train back from central heading to Ayr. On the way there though we were getting quite hungry so we nipped into the Blue Lagoon under Central (across from the front door of the Arches) and got some food for the train.

 

Most people in the city centre are used to paying for the wee sachets of tomato sauce however if you are from any other part of Scotland you expect your sauce to come as part of the price. We had a bit of light hearted banter with the guy about needing 15 sachets (or whatever) and they were like 10p each. The guy behind the counter eventually said we should just buy a glass bottle of tomato sauce as it would be cheaper from the wee shelf next to the till (I walked past this chippy yesterday for the first time in a while and remembered the story hence why I am telling it now - they still have the sauces for sale on the shelf and I had a wee chuckle to myself yesterday at the thought of the story).

 

We took the jar and got on the train. Kilwinning is about 25 mins from Glasgow and we ate our individual orders from the chippy and had our helpings of the sauce as required.

 

You are never going to use a full bottle of the stuff on two suppers so we had some left.

 

We noticed a businessman type guy sitting (or I should say sleeping) across from us. He had a can of irn bru so we thought what would be funnier than putting some of the sauce in the can for him to wake up to. Can was stolen and we put some in then put it back down and waited, giggling away as you do, for the guy to wake up. We tried a few shouts and stuff to wake him up but he never did. Well not never as the guy didn't die but he didn't wake up before Kilwinning.

 

So, as we had missed the laugh we wanted to him we just covered the guys suit, trousers and some on his hair in tomato sauce, exited the train and went down to the window he was sleeping against and started banging it. He woke up just as the train was departing and the laugh we had going home imagining him waking up, being absolutely fucking livid, cleaning himself up and then (probably) starting to relax and sitting back to take a sip out of his tomato sauce filled can of irn bru will live with me forever.

 

We were the very definition of c***s on a train.

 

You deserve to be glassed.

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