Cinema Code of Conduct and general stories of arsehole behaviour at your screen of choice

[BFTD]

Some of us are old enough to remember when folk being guided to their seats by torchlight was the norm  

(only just, mind. That, and watching the film through a thick haze of smoke)

[Ira Gaines]

People could be late for a number of reasons so I'm not really fussed about that, unless the screen is clearly providing enough light, which most of the time, it is.

Talking is the main one for me. Just don't fucking do it. Also, having a phone on and full volume is bad enough, but there was one time when someone was clearly trying to phone someone in the cinema over and over again, and rather than take the phone outside, just hang up, or any options really, they just let the thing ring. For ages.

"What's happening?" is something I'm glad I don't have to deal with.

[The_Kincardine]

6 minutes ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Some of us are old enough to remember when folk being guided to their seats by torchlight was the norm  

Motherwell used to have two cinemas - the Odeon and the Rex - both of which employed usherettes (I'm sure this is a near obsolete word) to guide you to your seats.  Their torches (from memory) seemed to be cinema-specific devices.  In fact I just interrupted my reply to google it and it was these:

http://www.1900s.org.uk/1950s-cinema-usherettes.htm

A bit like bus conductors, lavvy attendants at Glasgow Central and the grumpy auld c***s who'd lock up the swings at night they seemed to have died a death.

[BFTD]

1 hour ago, The_Kincardine said:

Motherwell used to have two cinemas - the Odeon and the Rex - both of which employed usherettes (I'm sure this is a near obsolete word) to guide you to your seats.  Their torches (from memory) seemed to be cinema-specific devices.

In what ways were they different? Fairly certain our local just went to the local hardware store for theirs. No class.

I do sometimes miss the old cinema experience. Being shown to your saggy old uncomfortable cloth seat by a uniformed usher; buying popcorn from your seat when the lassie with the tray was prowling the aisle; peering through the haze of cigarette smoke, which made Indy's adventures in Peru seem all the more mysterious and exotic; then, an intermission for a quick pint during a lull in the action sequences (probably while Indy was banging Marion), before returning for the conclusion and a mercilessly brief credits blurb.

Not that I was old enough for the pint at the time, but I've seen a few films since in which I could really have used one. Or two. f**k it, I'll be in the bar once you've finished watching this pish *hic*

[Nick_BCFC]

Years ago me and a mate skipped college and went to watch the early afternoon showing if The Village. We were the only two in the place.

I went for a piss about half way through the film and found one of the staff and told them a man in there was throwing popcorn at me and I was too scared to tell him to stop. They said they'd come in and have a word if I discreetly pointed him out.  I went back in and pointed to my pal and said "that's him there". I think they actually went up and told him he'd be ejected if there were any more problems.

[Flybhoy]

I remember going to see Dusk Till Dawn back in the 90's at the old Allanpark cinema in Stirling town centre.

Bearing in mind this was before the smoking ban and the back half dozen rows you could puff away, my mate Ryan ripped the arse out it though by bringing a couple of joints with some seriously good grass in them. Not being a regular toker though I joined in as well as cans of cider we had sneaked in, by about half an hour into the film we were absolutely baked and, quite importantly for the context of this tale didnt know it was about to turn into a vampire flick.

At the scene was Salma Hayek transforms into the undead and has a bit munch at Quentin Tarantino's neck this came as somewhat of a major and alarming surprise in our cannabis induced heads, he jumped up and shouted extremely loudly

"WHIT THE f**k WIZ THAT??? THAT CANNAE BE FUCKING RIGHT MAN...!!"

We then proceeded to have an intense fitting of corpse laughter, one of those where you physicaly struggle to inhale you are hee-hawing so much before being requested/told to leave immediately by a somewhat irate manager !

[dogmc]

In what ways were they different? Fairly certain our local just went to the local hardware store for theirs. No class.
I do sometimes miss the old cinema experience. Being shown to your saggy old uncomfortable cloth seat by a uniformed usher; buying popcorn from your seat when the lassie with the tray was prowling the aisle; peering through the haze of cigarette smoke, which made Indy's adventures in Peru seem all the more mysterious and exotic; then, an intermission for a quick pint during a lull in the action sequences (probably while Indy was banging Marion), before returning for the conclusion and a mercilessly brief credits blurb.
Not that I was old enough for the pint at the time, but I've seen a few films since in which I could really have used one. Or two. f**k it, I'll be in the bar once you've finished watching this pish *hic*

The proper cinema torches diffused the beam which was supposed to minimise the disturbance. They were shite tho and barely lasted a fortnight

[BigTidy]

I went to a lunchtime screening of Trainspotting 2. I knew it would be quiet, so declined paying for the premium seats. Got into an empty screen so sat in the premium seats anyway, ignoring the allocated seat on my ticket. I'm mental like that.

Someone else comes in, can pick any seat he wants, except the ones taken by me and my wife. Looks at his ticket, sees what seat he's been allocated. Sits one seat away from me.

Another couple come in, look at their ticket, slightly put off expression on their face that makes me think we're in their allocated seats. They sit right behind me.

We're in an almost empty cinema, but 5 of us end up huddled together. That's what I get for not playing by the rules.

[Gaz FFC]

When I started dating the wife many years ago I took her through to the showcase village.

We were watching a horror and she kept turning round sharply but I didn't know what was bothering her.

Once the film ended and we left she said the lassie behind her kept hitting her seat. She had turned round to give her a verbal when she clocked the lassie giving her man some oral fun 

That place was regularly full of roasters 

[Sooky]

I most go to the Cineworld in Dundee as it's within walking distance. This may be the same in other cinemas, but in the vast majority of the screens there's f**k all signal, which makes it amusing when I see people loading up Facebook and staring at their screen for about 5 minutes waiting for it to refresh to no avail. They usually realise this during the adverts, so I can look forward to the film content that I won't see any shining bright lights from phones during the film.

Also, if I ever need to open something during a film, I always ensure to do it during a loud point in the movie because I'm a fine and upstanding moviegoer.

[The Minertaur]

15 hours ago, Sooky said:

I most go to the Cineworld in Dundee as it's within walking distance. This may be the same in other cinemas, but in the vast majority of the screens there's f**k all signal, which makes it amusing when I see people loading up Facebook and staring at their screen for about 5 minutes waiting for it to refresh to no avail. They usually realise this during the adverts, so I can look forward to the film content that I won't see any shining bright lights from phones during the film.

Also, if I ever need to open something during a film, I always ensure to do it during a loud point in the movie because I'm a fine and upstanding moviegoer.

Good guy ^^^