Sweet Pete Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 2 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Depends what you're up to at the time I suppose. If you were tucking into your Christmas dinner with the rest of the family round the table, it would provoke mild irritation tbf. Not in my household. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 18 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: My missus seems to be quite a slapper in her dreams. She's always waking up in the morning to tell me she dreamed she's had an affair and that I too had been having an affair. Sadly, she normally pairs me up with someone terrible, like some rotund lump from a soap. This morning I was kindly woken with what can only be described as hand relief from the good lady. When finished she said she had been doing that to someone in her dream, although in her dreams "it was a really skinny one with really small balls". Reading into this, I'd say your wife is unsatisfied sexually, hence the frequent dreams about infidelity. She'll leave you soon because you're a shite ride, probably announce it at Christmas dinner. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 You'll shortly be lucky if you get 2 hours, let alone lose two hours to be honest. Not sure you're cut out for this throbbs All of these scare tactics won’t work with me I’m afraid. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 10 minutes ago, throbber said: All of these scare tactics won’t work with me I’m afraid. It's not scare tactics it's human biology. The sleep deprivation now is preparing you for when it actually arrives. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 50 minutes ago, Sweet Pete said: Reading into this, I'd say your wife is unsatisfied sexually, hence the frequent dreams about infidelity. She'll leave you soon because you're a shite ride, probably announce it at Christmas dinner. Karma. I broke up with a girl on Christmas Day once (though it took until Boxing Day for it to sink in to her head I was serious). Cost me a small fortune from Majestic Wine in Dutch courage beforehand to get the job done. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 3 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Not skinny, and my balls are proven in the field of procreation. Also, it wasnt Mrs P's dreams she was doing that in.... She tells me you're average-sized, which given your overall diminutive stature gives a pleasing illusion of being well-endowed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 3 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: We play the game with the pieces God gave us.... And what a lovely piece Mrs B sends me home with once she's finished with me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 5 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: 9 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: She tells me you're average-sized, which given your overall diminutive stature gives a pleasing illusion of being well-endowed. We play the game with the pieces God gave us.... Sandwich for a w**k? Not bad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 6 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: She does make a decent piece. I trust you appreciated the fruits of the struggle I had to go through to force a return to Lurpak following a failed dabble with Aldi own brand. I brought some M&S own brand butter home once instead of Lurpak and the rage it induced in Mrs P was something to behold. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 She does make a decent piece. I trust you appreciated the fruits of the struggle I had to go through to force a return to Lurpak following a failed dabble with Aldi own brand. I brought some M&S own brand butter home once instead of Lurpak and the rage it induced in Mrs P was something to behold. Lurpak is utter shite. A bread tearing b*****d of a thing. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 2 minutes ago, NJ2 said: Lurpak is utter shite. A bread tearing b*****d of a thing. It is, if you're a sausage fingered neanderthal. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 2 minutes ago, NJ2 said: Lurpak is utter shite. A bread tearing b*****d of a thing. Tedi 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 2 minutes ago, NJ2 said: Lurpak is utter shite. A bread tearing b*****d of a thing. If you can't work with this you really should seek medical help. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Bertolli pisses all over lurpak, this isn’t even up for debate. The fact it says spreadable is a joke on their behalf. Have to glide it across the bread, I’m just looking to spread my piece not f**k about. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 One day you roasters will see the light. I look forward to each of you apologising in due course. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 51 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: I brought some M&S own brand butter home once instead of Lurpak and the rage it induced in Mrs P was something to behold. Tastes good but goes rock hard in the fridge. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Just now, welshbairn said: Tastes good but goes rock hard in the fridge. It has quite a unnatural colour too. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 4 minutes ago, NJ2 said: One day you roasters will see the light. I look forward to each of you apologising in due course. Unless I lose the ability to spread butter normally, then I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audaces Fortuna Juvat Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Over two weeks before a short break Mrs AFJ wanted to know what clothes I wanted to pack. It's a short break FFS - a couple of changes of scants, socks and t-shirts and I'm good to go. Probably the night before we leave. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Just now, Audaces Fortuna Juvat said: Over two weeks before a short break Mrs AFJ wanted to know what clothes I wanted to pack. It's a short break FFS - a couple of changes of scants, socks and t-shirts and I'm good to go. Probably the night before we leave. This is probably more "Things I do to infuriate my partner" but the fact I can pack for a 2 week holiday in about 5 minutes bugs the piss out of my wife. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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