Granny Danger Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 2 hours ago, Shandon Par said: My old man fell down a trapdoor too and knackered his knee. My granddad was a drummer at silent movies and fell backwards off the stage, engrossed in the film. Must be genetic. Were they also sartorially challenged? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 1 minute ago, Granny Danger said: Were they also sartorially challenged? My dad looked like a tramp when not at work. I remember a pal's mum asking if he was our gardener. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 8 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: My dad looked like a tramp when not at work. I remember a pal's mum asking if he was our gardener. So that's genetic too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 3 minutes ago, Granny Danger said: So that's genetic too. That's not true. I'm always dressed to a level that would impress Normski, should he accost me in the street. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 I have two very good stories that fit this topic - one very long and one very short.I'm going for a wee nap the now though so can't be fucked typing them out, will be back later.The short one is actually so short it would've taken less time than writing this whole post but f**k it I've committed to a slee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Hahn Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 When I was an early teen, I played up front for the local football team. One particularly Sunday morning game and we were getting ready to kick off. I was the striker with my back to the opposition bench and we didn't have a ball yet. Someone shouted over to their bench to get a ball and their manager duely punted a ball in our direction. As I had my back to them, I wasn't watching the ball until it came whistling past my ear and whacked my strike partner right in the balls. I think everyone on and off the field was in hysterics, including the ref who could barely blow his whistle to start the game for laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Gave a couple of mates a shot of my motorbike in an almost empty car park. Whilst the pair of them were on it, they somehow managed to hit the only car that was parked there. The momentum caused the one on the back to somersault through the air then land on his feet and just keep running forward. When I reached the car my other mate was lying on the ground at the other side of the bonnet. The car was quite an old thing and it was very dirty... Apart from a big clean stripe right across the bonnet. My mate had face planted the bonnet on impact and he had went right across it with his tounge hanging out and licked right over the bonnet. When he stuck his tongue out, it was almost jet black. The car owner accused my other mate of trying to run away after the accident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Gave a couple of mates a shot of my motorbike in an almost empty car park. Whilst the pair of them were on it, they somehow managed to hit the only car that was parked there. The momentum caused the one on the back to somersault through the air then land on his feet and just keep running forward. When I reached the car my other mate was lying on the ground at the other side of the bonnet. The car was quite an old thing and it was very dirty... Apart from a big clean stripe right across the bonnet. My mate had face planted the bonnet on impact and he had went right across it with his tounge hanging out and licked right over the bonnet. When he stuck his tongue out, it was almost jet black. The car owner accused my other mate of trying to run away after the accident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 A mate wanted to get his ex back so filled a gift bag with dog turds and we left on the gift table at her party. Very funny but probably a bit over the top even if she was a bitch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 4 minutes ago, Cerberus said: A mate wanted to get his ex back so filled a gift bag with dog turds and we left on the gift table at her party. Very funny but probably a bit over the top even if she was a bitch. He wouldn't get her back doing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 2 hours ago, Mr Hahn said: When I was an early teen, I played up front for the local football team. One particularly Sunday morning game and we were getting ready to kick off. I was the striker with my back to the opposition bench and we didn't have a ball yet. Someone shouted over to their bench to get a ball and their manager duely punted a ball in our direction. As I had my back to them, I wasn't watching the ball until it came whistling past my ear and whacked my strike partner right in the balls. I think everyone on and off the field was in hysterics, including the ref who could barely blow his whistle to start the game for laughing. What were you doing down there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 5 hours ago, The Moonster said: Perhaps this could be renamed the "You had to be there" thread? Without a doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Paisley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBo10 Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Similar to Mr Hahn's story. I was playing one Saturday afternoon and my brother charges out to block a shot. The ball is traveling at warp speed and whacks him square on the nuts. He falls in agony and before anyone can react in any way an old man watching pipes up "Don't rub them son, count them." Me the ref and pretty much everyone else erupt in fits of laughter while tears are running down my brother's face for an entirely different reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Hahn Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 19 hours ago, Zen Archer said: What were you doing down there? I was standing, I have NO idea what you're thinking of.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kennboy1978 Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Touched with sadness for me this one, as the big yin is sadly not with us anymore.When down in Leeds for the annual internet supporters team tournament there was a get together for all teams on a Friday night. Basically it was a piss up to start the weekend and we were encouraged to sing our songs and have a bit of banter with the other teams. One of our team mates (Big Tam) started most of ours, one to Grimsby was "Youse cant fish, cos you are pish"I can't remember the actual song but we were just getting to the chorus when Big Tam, arms spread wide and eyes closed, went to belt out the next line. As he did, his false teeth flew out and landed in his pint of Guinness he was holding. The whole student union was bent in two with laughter, he just fished his teeth out and carried on singing.Maybe you had to be there but it genuinely was the funniest thing I have had the pleasure to witness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I'm often reminded of an event whenever I see Everybody Loves Raymond on the tv list, simply because it involves me of the only guy I've ever met that's called Raymond: Back at high school (or secondary / whatever) with DA Baracus as my witness, Raymond decided to 'tightrope walk' along the steel railing down a flight of steps, only to slip. Now, most people would have jumped off, to the side. Not poor Raymond who did decide to jump... just a few feet vertically upwards like a star jump. Gravity did the rest. I, like the rest of those in attendance, was bent over to the point that oxygen masks would have been useful, absolute tears. So was Raymond actually, just in the wrong way as he experienced (what I hope was) the worst experience of his life. I suppose it doesn't sound all to exciting or hilarious (perhaps just very horrible - hospital was involved I believe), but it was the textbook definition of "you had to be there" to appreciate all the cockiness, facial expressions etc etc. -------------- Then there was a tyre incident when a giant tyre fell off the back of a lorry and bounced down the steep road as all the classes emptied down the street for lunch. Everyone else simply stood to the side as you could see the thing coming a mile off, but one girl had a better idea: actually run away from it down the road along the path of said tyre, inevitably taking her out. Guess the complete randomness combined with sheer stupidity is what has me giggling away just typing this. I'm a horrible person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Actually, the thing that has had me in stitches the most was on the day of a Highland games. The well known village idiot (who's actually very nice, but extremely dim) was sunbathing on the grass of the beer garden outside, lying flat out on his back when somebody handed him a pint. Well, the evidently alien concept of gravity was also not on his side either as he decided to drink his pint whilst still lying down, entire pint all over his face. Just unbelievable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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