Workplace japes

[throbber]

What, every time?

Have heard of it thrice and each time it's been a women's toilet.

[Sergeant Wilson]

On 5/10/2017 at 19:33, throbber said:

Funnily enough every time I have heard a story of someone spreading shit on a wall it has always been done by a woman.

 

Not every time throbber, surely.

 

Anyway, I'm going to the chip shop, but I can't think what to get...oh I know.

[BFTD]

On 12/05/2017 at 10:27, ICTChris said:

Guy in my work texted one of our team to get a phone number so my colleague has texted him back the number for a gay chat line.

Banter or bullying?

Could be neither. Do you work in the offices of a gay chat line?

[The_Kincardine]

On 5/12/2017 at 20:41, Sergeant Wilson said:

Not every time throbber, surely.

 

Anyway, I'm going to the chip shop, but I can't think what to get...oh I know.

OK I'll bite...how was the chicken supper?

[sergie's no1 fan]

Place I'm in is pretty rank with regards to peoples bathroom behaviour and general hygiene.

Cleaners have grassed on a few folk men/woman going to the bog and not washing their hands. Seen it myself, guys just walking out after exiting the cubicle, no shame at all. Toilet seats covered in pish and pubes. Absolutely vile.

Gives me the boalk considering we all use the same door handles and they could be touching the same keyboard and mouse as me 

[BFTD]

1 hour ago, sergie's no1 fan said:

Place I'm in is pretty rank with regards to peoples bathroom behaviour and general hygiene.

Cleaners have grassed on a few folk men/woman going to the bog and not washing their hands. Seen it myself, guys just walking out after exiting the cubicle, no shame at all. Toilet seats covered in pish and pubes. Absolutely vile.

Gives me the boalk considering we all use the same door handles and they could be touching the same keyboard and mouse as me 

Must admit to being curious about this. Did the high heid yin send round a strongly-worded email or something?

[sergie's no1 fan]

Must admit to being curious about this. Did the high heid yin send round a strongly-worded email or something?

Basically one of them gave us the 'heads up' to use a double helping of the hand sanitiser after every time we touch a door handle then said who it was. Don't normally appreciate grasses but this is extreme circumstances. Won't be long till signs are put up.

The woman's toilets are meant to be even worse.

[ICTChris]

10 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Could be neither. Do you work in the offices of a gay chat line?

Don't pretend like we've never spoken.

[BFTD]

8 hours ago, sergie's no1 fan said:

Basically one of them gave us the 'heads up' to use a double helping of the hand sanitiser after every time we touch a door handle then said who it was. Don't normally appreciate grasses but this is extreme circumstances. Won't be long till signs are put up.

The woman's toilets are meant to be even worse.

 

This seems to be an ongoing theme. Like others on here, I've heard cleaners say that the ladies toilets are generally worse that the gents. Apparently the minkiest of our female brethren can be very careless with their used sanitary towels  

[WeAreElgin]

Place I'm in is pretty rank with regards to peoples bathroom behaviour and general hygiene.
Cleaners have grassed on a few folk men/woman going to the bog and not washing their hands. Seen it myself, guys just walking out after exiting the cubicle, no shame at all. Toilet seats covered in pish and pubes. Absolutely vile.
Gives me the boalk considering we all use the same door handles and they could be touching the same keyboard and mouse as me 

Sharing the same keyboard and mouse? f**k that. Just imagine the amount of food, skin, shite and AIDS that are growing in to a new species in every keyboard.

You've probably caught an STD from a hot desk.

[Boghead ranter]

We've got a double whammy this morning. 

First, another lunch was 'stolen' yesterday. Though why anyone puts a Pot Noodle and a banana in the fridge, rather than keep it with themselves, is beyond me. 

And the toilet shite-smearer has struck again, smearing "eat me" in a cubicle in, yes, the ladies toilet.

There are people with severe mental/social issues in my place.

[mizfit]

Our phantom shitter wasn't that creative.

They just shat in the sink and left it there.

[mishtergrolsch]

I hate using my work toilet. Today I went in and someone had put bog roll in the toilet, taken the most vile smelling shite and not flushed. Somehow it was still being kept afloat on the paper.

Whoever it was must have also smoked a joint as the smell of that and the brown trout made me gag as I went in.

Once I went in and there was puke, I think, smeared on the wall and on the toilet cubicle door. 

Couple that with "if you read this you are gay" written over almost every square inch of said cubicle, you can imagine how nice an experience it is.

[Flybhoy]

8 hours ago, Boghead ranter said:

 

And the toilet shite-smearer has struck again, smearing "eat me" in a cubicle in, yes, the ladies toilet.

 

Photies or it didnt happen.

[Benjamin_Nevis]

Previous disgusting workplace toilet-related nonsense:

Sometime in the mid-90s I was on a year long training course at Dundee Chamber of Commerce. One morning the trainer ran into the main office, nervously asking us all if we'd had a cuppy yet. One of the YTs on the course had been seen pishing in the urn half an hour earlier. Disgusting little c**t. 

I worked in a certain Council department for some years and after moving to a new build office we found we were calling out the plumber to unblock the ladies bogs almost every week. After some investigation and complaints etc to the contractor it was eventually deduced the problem was not being caused by poor design, but a "larger" female member of the clerical staff. Little wonder as she had McDonalds every fucking lunchtime and often for breakfast as well. Horrific. To give the plumber his due he didn't complain for months, until one day he came by the office to get the chitty signed after dealing with yet another blockage. This time he was a 50/50 mix of anger and disgust. Not only had this woman (allegedly) choked the shitey with an absolutely enormous Thora Hird, she'd also ditched a used dangermouse down there as well. Absolutely fucking minging. 

On a vaguely similar note, I managed the toileting equivalent of Gordon Smith's 3 consecutive championship winning medals at Hearts, Hibs and Dundee by choking the work shitey, our holiday cottage shitey and finally my mountaineering club's hut shitey in three consecutive weeks. Quite proud of that tbh. Thankfully none required the calling of an unfortunate traumatised tradesman.

 

[Jamaldo]

Bogies have been getting smeared in one of the cubicles at my work the last few weeks. Someone also pissed in a highland spring bottle and just left it in another cubicle.

[mizfit]

Think the worst toilet incident I seen was when I worked at McDonald's.

A customer came to the till and suggested someone go check the toilets out as they were rancid, the cleaner was on their break so I decided to take a look, thinking it wouldn't be that bad.

Someone, had decided to dispose of their kids shit covered pants, by kicking them behind the toilet, and in the process covering the floor of the cubicle in shit.

I never cleaned the toilets again after that.

[Miguel Sanchez]

I think I saw skid marks on the bowl in my work once. Considering myself very thankful right now.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

Just now, Miguel Sanchez said:

I think I saw skid marks on the bowl in my work once. Considering myself very thankful right now.

Do you work on the railways?

[Tartan Dave]

Not my workplace but Once went for a swim at the peak in stirling about two hours before it was to close, when I went for my shower someone had took a shit in it, had to go and tell some poor guy who woulda been on the home straight of his shift that it was there, not sure if he had to clean it or if he passed it on...