welshbairn Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 1 minute ago, 19QOS19 said: Liverpool FC sign an up and coming player from Bosnia. In his first game he scores a hat-trick and the fans instantly love him. When he gets home he decides to phone his mum to tell her the good news but when she answers she instantly starts crying. When he asks what's the matter she replies "Well, this morning your sister was raped by a street gang, then your little brother was ravaged by wild dogs while playing football in the street. After that your dad was shot by a sniper and I was mugged and beaten up while shopping." "Sorry?! It's your fault we moved to Liverpool!" The guy is gobsmacked. "Mum, what can I say? I'm so sorry." It's the way you tell em. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 It's the way you tell em. [emoji14] Ffs, I edited it almost instantly! You must sit on the refresh [emoji14] 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 I've been suspecting that my son has been smoking, so when he got home tonight I sniffed his fingers. He hasn't been smoking but his girlfriend could do with a fucking wash -3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 Dyslexic man walks into a bra... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 17 minutes ago, HenryHill said: Dyslexic man walks into a bra... Was it an iron bra? Tommy Cooper asks. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 3 minutes ago, Bold Rover said: Was it an iron bra? Tommy Cooper asks. No. Tell him to get his own jokes... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 What's got three i's and smells of piss? Kilwinning 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincolnHearts Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Such a weird day. I found a hat full of money in the street and was also chased by a bloke with a guitar. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 35 minutes ago, LincolnHearts said: Such a weird day. I found a hat full of money in the street and was also chased by a bloke with a guitar. What was weird about it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Saw a guy the other day with the laces of one of his trainers dangling loose. I pointed it out in case he tripped but he said they were supposed to be like that, and showed me the sole - it said Taiwan. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 Unfortunately neither leader could solve the Conundrum. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted June 12, 2018 Share Posted June 12, 2018 On 07/06/2018 at 21:03, HenryHill said: Dyslexic man walks into a bra... Two guys walk into a bar. You’d have thought one of them would’ve seen it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShaggysBeard Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted June 14, 2018 Share Posted June 14, 2018 The worlds first ever gay rugby match has just taken place. The first scrum lasted 45 minutes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 I had a job interview today and the interviewer asked me what I want to be doing in 2 years.I said I’ve no idea. I don’t have 2020 vision. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted June 16, 2018 Share Posted June 16, 2018 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I had an interview today. Interviewer - What is one of your weaknesses? Me - Honesty. Interviewer - I don't think that is a weakness. Me - I don't give a f**k what you think. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Moomintroll Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 What's got three i's and smells of piss? Kilwinning WTF did we ever do to you? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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