Hillonearth Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 9 minutes ago, tree house tam said: Whit? You're no happy, she's no happy.......let's get married. This. I've known too many people who are in a setup where neither of them is happy but are just terrified of being alone, and seem to think getting married will somehow fix things. It won't - it'll just complicate them more. A lot of that type of punter seem to be the same ones that a couple of years down the line think having a kid together will subsequently fix a marriage that isn't working. It won't - it'll just mean you'll never truly get your ex out of your life. Walk. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heedthebaa Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 The grass is green, the sky is blue and wimen are fucking wired wrong 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 3 hours ago, Throwaway_tosser said: Throwaway account since it's a little embarrassing to ask these kind of things on a public forum. I'm struggling. Been with the lady for a few years, living together for the past couple. I'm mid thirties and she is late twenties. She's been hammering for marriage for some time now. I have been resisting because I can't get my head around it for some reason, especially having a family. Just quite daunted by it all and not feeling the drive or enthusiasm. She has a temper and as she has grown more frustrated with me the verbal attacks have gotten worse (she'll be sweet as can be for a week and then explode, real Jekyll and Hyde stuff). For my part I am cynical, a worrier and anxious about everything, especially big life decisions. It's all come to a head. My stuff is packed and ready to move out. Of course at the 11th hour she is now pleading for me to stay and being really nice (for now). In my own head I'm at a crossroads - I already miss the good times (of which there have been many) and she is lovely most of the time, but I also live in constant fear of the next meltdown. I can't bring myself to get married but leaving is proving to be more traumatic than I expected. For those of you that have left under similar circumstances, did you move on or regret your decision in the long term? How about those that went ahead and got married when they weren't quite sure? How did that work out? I was engaged to a girl I'd been with for years. I knew I'd let it run far too long and though doing the deed was tough I knew it was better doing at that stage than going any further. It probably spoiled her Christmas Day when I broke the news but it was for the best. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tree house tam Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 1 minute ago, heedthebaa said: The grass is green, the sky is blue and wimen are fucking wired wrong This, but never ever, ever try to understand them, you'll go mad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Throwaway_tosser Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 6 minutes ago, Jimmy85 said: Imagine actually asking a bunch of alcoholic, socially inadequate virgins for advice on relationships. We are all cut from the same cloth. That's why I'm here! Can you believe that one of the reasons I've been putting this off is the (probably realistic) worry she will self harm or do something stupid. Real marriage material right enough. What the f**k have I got myself into. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Code red, abort mission and get the f**k out of there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tree house tam Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 6 minutes ago, Throwaway_tosser said: We are all cut from the same cloth. That's why I'm here! Can you believe that one of the reasons I've been putting this off is the (probably realistic) worry she will self harm or do something stupid. Real marriage material right enough. What the f**k have I got myself into. A relationship with a mad burd. Most folk have had one of these, most get out sharpish. Quicker she gets someone else the quicker you'll have peace. Get out now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 8 minutes ago, Throwaway_tosser said: We are all cut from the same cloth. That's why I'm here! Can you believe that one of the reasons I've been putting this off is the (probably realistic) worry she will self harm or do something stupid. Real marriage material right enough. What the f**k have I got myself into. You need to be selfish for your own health and if she choose to self harm that's her choice and behaviour. I say that as someone with an extensive history of self harm. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itzdrk Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Getting married will be a mistake, as then she'll exercise ultimate control over you. What does that even mean? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itzdrk Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 We are all cut from the same cloth. That's why I'm here! Can you believe that one of the reasons I've been putting this off is the (probably realistic) worry she will self harm or do something stupid. Real marriage material right enough. What the f**k have I got myself into. If she does you dont need to worry about her sendimg you hair in the post. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 So some woman is booting f**k out of you on a regular basis and you are considering getting married?Honestly, for your sake, and hers, walk away. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy85 Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Fair play to Adam offering his own alias account advice. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 26 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: I was engaged to a girl I'd been with for years. I knew I'd let it run far too long and though doing the deed was tough I knew it was better doing at that stage than going any further. It probably spoiled her Christmas Day when I broke the news but it was for the best. At least you got her clothes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 16 minutes ago, Throwaway_tosser said: We are all cut from the same cloth. That's why I'm here! Can you believe that one of the reasons I've been putting this off is the (probably realistic) worry she will self harm or do something stupid. Real marriage material right enough. What the f**k have I got myself into. Almost exactly the same situation as a guy I know through work did as it happens. Good guy, who hooked up with a burd who was obviously a bit unstable from the get go. I remember he was sick of it and went out for a few beers with us one night for a bit of Dutch courage before he binned her - she pulled the threatening to top herself routine. It's a way of controlling a situation in exactly the same way violence is. He came in on Monday engaged. It says a lot that not a single person said "congratulations" - the general reaction was a shake of the head and a "f**k's sake..." Fast forward - the marriage inevitably didn't work out. ...she's basically enough of a basket case that he's now got custody of the ensuing kid, but still exercises a measure of control over him - if he's ever got a night out planned, she'll without fail manufacture some kind of drama that'll put the kibosh on it. He'll never be truly rid of her. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 2 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said: At least you got her clothes. We did have the same sized jeans. Sadly her shoes were way too small. I went to Majestic Wine on Christmas Eve and by about Boxing Day she realised it wasn't just the drink talking and I had in fact dumped her at Christmas. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Do you think shagging her da, as someone suggested, would have helped any?Asking for a friend, obviously. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itzdrk Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Almost exactly the same situation as a guy I know through work did as it happens. Good guy, who hooked up with a burd who was obviously a bit unstable from the get go. I remember he was sick of it and went out for a few beers with us one night for a bit of Dutch courage before he binned her - she pulled the threatening to top herself routine. It's a way of controlling a situation in exactly the same way violence is. He came in on Monday engaged. It says a lot that not a single person said "congratulations" - the general reaction was a shake of the head and a "f**k's sake..." Fast forward - the marriage inevitably didn't work out. ...she's basically enough of a basket case that he's now got custody of the ensuing kid, but still exercises a measure of control over him - if he's ever got a night out planned, she'll without fail manufacture some kind of drama that'll put the kibosh on it. He'll never be truly rid of her. What a wet blanket [emoji23]. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 5 minutes ago, Günther said: You've shared a few years of your life with her and for a while it's not been enjoyable for many reasons you've stated. You're in your mid-30's. Think about it, if you struggle to think about the next 2 weeks with her, can you see the next 40-60 years of your life with her?? my biggest regret from when I was younger was not walking away from my sons mother when I should've, my Dad warned me about the stuff I wasn't seeing but I told him shut up and for a man who's had more woman than I've had hot dinners, it was a time when I should have listened. Do you have any ties to your burd? Mortgage, joint loans, rent agreements etc?? If it's only the latter, walk away and instruct the landlord to terminate the lease and pay the penalty. Last bit of advice, don't jump straight back on it. Find your feet first and get your house in order. Good luck mate, get it dumped and move on! Change your number and block her Facebook, it helps :-) No pent up woman hating there then. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Craig Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 You need to be selfish for your own health and if she choose to self harm that's her choice and behaviour. I say that as someone with an extensive history of self harm. This. She's big enough and ugly enough to make her own decisions, metaphorically speaking of course.If you are that unhappy in the relationship, leave. It will be hard and there will be fallout from it. But your true friends will still be your friends and in years to come, will say they though she was mental too. Good luck. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 (edited) Throwaway, you done it yet? If not, why not? Think of the Simpsons episode when Bart tricks Mrs Krabappel in to thinking she's going to meet a guy when he writes to her pretending to be some dude ("Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit!"). Helpful suggestions (mainly Homer) for Bart to get out the mess included "Dear babe, welcome to Dumpsville, population; you" and "Three words; I am gay!". On a more serious note, just think that if you stay in an unhappy situation that you will be wasting your life. You won't get that time back. You'll lose all respect for yourself (rightly so) and your confidence will vanish. You'll be living in a mental prison. That's way more mental than anything your bird does. It's insane to choose to live that way for any reason. Any fallout over breaking it off will be fucking nothing next to a lifetime of misery and the soul sapping realisation each and every day that you're a shitebag who is unhappy and has spurned the absolutely precious commodity of time and life, each day becoming less and less of the person you once were and want to be until you're nothing but a burnt out husk with a fake smile and robotic phrases and motions miserably shuffling towards old age and death. Edited September 21, 2016 by DA Baracus 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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