The Greenock Morton Thread - It's Better Than Yours

[Dunning1874]

Cappielow is Premiership compliant under the rules introduced when the SPFL was formed - every club in the SPFL other than Albion Rovers have a Premiership compliant stadium. In practical terms we'd need to build a proper camera gantry to avoid obstructing the view as we do now for televised games, but otherwise no changes are required.

We'll continue to stand on our terrace with a magnificent view of the pitch rather than constructing a shoebox, thank you.

[purplemonkeydishwasher]

In the unlikely event of promotion, would Cappielow be allowed or would you need to ground share a proper modern stadium?

Top contribution as always, just you worry about getting your stadium ready for the buckets and spades helmet.

[jimmy boo]

For the 1000th time cappielow is fine for top flight football. Eligible as is.

Can you tell me again please[emoji106]

[Cowshed118]

Will the next derby be moved as the midden are in the final of thatwee diddy cup?

[Rudolph Hucker]

5 hours ago, jimmy boo said:

Can you tell me again please

Ok.

You're a twat.

Here to help!

[AsimButtHitsASix]

jimmy still going on about stadiums and attendances?

bless

[The Naitch]

The game against Dunfermline a week tomorrow has been moved to March 25th seeing as that's now a free weekend for both of us. Smart move.

[Rudolph Hucker]

47 minutes ago, The Naitch said:

The game against Dunfermline a week tomorrow has been moved to March 25th seeing as that's now a free weekend for both of us. Smart move.

Suppose so, but I was looking forward to a game under the lights.

[Jamie_M]

Always look forward to an evening game but it makes sense to move it to a Saturday for a (slightly) bigger crowd. Also pushing it back, easing the schedule when we have injuries and also not playing a midweek game between the trips to Dundee Utd and Hibs.

Smart move.

[senorsoupe]

I've been impressed by Morton this season from what I have seen and read.  Jim Duffy has got a really good young squad, have been particularly impressed by Thomas O'Ware and Jai Quintongo

[Colkitto]

[Cowshed118]

Probably the only time Jai will wear thet top

[Coventry Saint]

16 hours ago, Colkitto said:

Is that Morton's trophy room?

[Colkitto]

1 hour ago, Coventry Saint said:

Is that Morton's trophy room?

No, don't be silly. The glare from the trophies would interfere with the camera flash 

[Cowshed118]

Playing in a Morton v St Mirren fans charity match in a few weeks time, managed to get Alex Williams to be our manager for the day and David Van Zanten is managing the Midden, Alex has offered to auction his 3rd division player of the year award he won at Morron if anyone would like to bid on it or make a donation, thanks

[tonnitus]

For those of you who don't want to give the Sun advertising clicks... Ricki Lamie's A-Z:

 

AFRO: Who has the worst haircut? I’ve seen a few council cuts. I think Thomas Orr has hopes of being in the next Jarhead film. It’s a Gillette back and sides and a three on the top

BEYONCE: Who is your ideal woman? I’ve only got eyes for one woman at the moment, but if she pees me off then I’d reignite my pursuit of Natalie Portman. I’ve always been an admirer

CELEBRITY: Who’s the most famous person you’ve ever met? Outside of football it was AP McCoy and David Coulthard at different airports. When I was about 12, John Higgins stayed in the same Ibiza hotel as my family. I acted shy at first then roasted him every night for a game of pool. He wasn’t having it, he seemed nervous.

DRAMA QUEEN: Who’s the biggest you’ve ever played with? Bobby Barr (aka Bobby dug-out) is very sensitive. He’s a good mate but the kind of guy that would argue if you gave him a compliment. Dec McManus could play Joan Collins in the Snickers adverts. He’s the most frequent huff-taker ever on a football pitch.

EGG ON YOUR FACE: Your most embarrassing moment in football? I went on loan to Queen’s Park from Airdrie. My first game was at Hampden and as I got out the car I ripped the a*** out of my suit trousers. There was no option but to stroll into the National Stadium with my boxers on full show. That was then followed by a straight red 20 minutes into my debut. It wasn’t a great start.

FISHING: Any other hobbies? I go to the gym and play golf. I like to think I’m quite handy in the kitchen. All the team (those allowed out by their missus) played footgolf. It was a brilliant laugh but the scorecards were suspiciously kind to some.

GOLDENBALLS: Who’s the best you’ve played with and against? I’ve played with and against Tony Watt. As his school captain I taught him everything he knows. Until recently I called him one of my close mates but the police are investigating a missing persons report. He was last seen with a female in late 2015. I’ve played against boyhood hero Kenny Miller a few times and even at his age his movement as a striker is second to none.

HOLLYWOOD: Who’d play you in the movie of your life? Will Ferrell would have to be involved to replicate my patter. On the other hand, Gerard Butler would fit the physique and rugged charm.

IDIOT: Who’s not the sharpest tool in the box? I get the pleasure of travelling to training with Lee Kilday every day. He’s got a different tracksuit for every day of the month and he justifies wearing shorts and a T-shirt in December by saying ‘I walk out my door and into my car, why would I need a jacket’. He also pauses mid-sentence and asks if the word he’s thinking of using is actually a word.

JOB: What would you be if not a footballer? I’m three-quarters through a civil engineering degree. Whether I could do it as a job is yet to be seen, a two-hour lecture on concrete is like having a conversation with Mark Russell. Very boring.

KISS ME QUICK: Are you a romantic? Yes. My love life, or should I say lack of love life, is actually more documented in our dressing-room at Morton than any piece of world news. I like to think of myself as one of the last few gentlemen.

LOOKALIKES: Ever been mistaken for someone? A woman in a Cancun hotel thought I was a dead-ringer for Charlie Mulgrew. I don’t know if it was the looks or a fly-away I put in the top bin with my left pinger during a kickabout on the beach. Me and Thomas O’Ware are frequently mixed up. Both tall, dark, handsome, come from Italian descent and have an eye for goal. It’s an easy mistake.

NEWS GROUP NEWSPAPERS LTD

3

Lamie has been mistaken for former Celtic midfielder Charlie Mulgrew

MIRROR: Your team-mates say you are vain. Are they right? I wouldn’t say I’m vain, I take pride in my appearance, something a few of the boys should maybe try. A recent purchase of a travel hairdryer was slagged rotten but it didn’t take long for a few of them to come crawling, asking for a quick shot.

NICOTINE: Addicted to anything? I’ve got a sweet tooth and can’t have my dinner without following it up with a cuppa and a biscuit. If I get into a good box set then nobody sees me for a good number of days. Entourage and Narcos are up there.

ON THE DECKS: Who’s in charge of the dressing-room iPod? I’ve been in charge of the tunes for nearly two seasons. Last year a hamstring injury allowed Denny Johnstone and Jai Quitongo to show what they had to offer but both buckled under the pressure. One of my playlists has been a mainstay since pre-season. I like to throw in a few new ones and experiment but the gaffer’s hatred of R’n’B is a big stumbling block.

PUB: What’s the best team night out? My last at Airdrie involved a naked Keighan Parker, Daz McCormack’s front teeth and Lewis Coult doing a warm-up in Glasgow Central Station in a pair of Nike vapours. Andy Barrowman and Morton have a lifelong ban with all UK Premier Inns, too.

QUESTION OF SPORT: Who would be on your quiz team? After a narrowly failed audition for The Chase, I’d fancy myself as captain. Andy McNeil, who left us for China, would be there, although I don’t know if he’s smart or if his Edinburgh accent fools people. Even though he’s from Baillieston, Derek Gaston’s sport and general knowledge would earn him a place and I’d pick Michael Doyle. He has a great deal of useless facts and even if he doesn’t know something he’ll argue with you that he does.

RATINGS? Who checks their mark in Inside Sport every week without fail? Tam O’Ware just phones his very close friend and journalist Kenny Millar to see if he’s been awarded an 8 or a 9. He’s never had a rating of ten, I think that would give it away.

STANDARD GRADES: What were you like at school? I got seven standard grades and then matched that with seven Highers. I couldn’t get up to as much carry-on as I do at the football because my mum worked in both my primary school and high school! In summary, I was a teachers’ pet.

TIME TRAVELLER: What event would you like to have witnessed? I’d love to go back to the time Derek Gaston last bought Lucozade for the car school. He thinks we’re all daft. He purposely does a weekly shop in the petrol station at Morrisons as they don’t stock juice multi-packs.

3

Lamie is in the A to Z hotseat this week

UNDERWEAR ON FLOOR: Who has the worst habits? The gaffer has recently revealed Tam O’Ware’s nail-biting. Connor Pepper enjoys two gallons of coffee every morning. Him and Michael Doyle have a coffee v egg dragon breath competition every day.

VERSACE: Who is the style icon, and who has dodgy gear? Apart from myself, I appreciate Ross Forbes’ gear for his effort and the quality. I played with Granty Adam at Airdrie and Morton and some of his (Charlie’s) clobber is of a high standard. Michael Tidser claims that Gary Oliver wears fake trainers into training, but the jury is still out on that one.

WEMBLEY: Best and worst stadiums? I always dreamed of playing at Ibrox and Hampden. The best was Ibrox in front of a capacity crowd. The worst was my second pro game — a derby at Cliftonhill, with terrible weather and the pitch equally bad. Afterwards we had to share the sinks to get washed as the showers had packed in!

X-FACTOR: Who’s the best crooner, and worst? Big Denny Johnstone’s beautiful voice matches his personality. Living legend Jon Scullion held a guitar singalong on our Christmas night in Liverpool. Alex Samuel, who was on loan from Swansea last year, actually held a gig with his missus at the club’s Christmas service at the stadium. I still don’t know if I believe that, but I’ve been told it did happen.

YOU DON’T SAY: Tell us something we don’t know about you? At 19 I won the Ramsden’s Soccer Stars challenge as the fittest player in the SPFL. The boys claim it’s not true but I have the trophy and medal, as well as a spot on Peter and Roughie’s Hall of Fame to prove it.

ZZZZZZZ: Who sends you to sleep? There’s a few walking sleeping pills. Jai Quitongo is a broken record, same patter over and over, and describing pasta as ‘Scran Canaria’ isn’t funny. Tidser is such a bad loser he tries to pass his moaning off as banter. He spits the dummy on a daily basis, it’s embarrassing to see a father of two in such a state.

[Billy Jean King]

Who will be be Duffy's replacement after he goes to Motherwell ?

[TheGoon]

3 minutes ago, Billy Jean King said:

Who will be be Duffy's replacement after he goes to Motherwell ?

Jack Ross & Jim Goodwin.

[Scosha]

25 minutes ago, Billy Jean King said:

Who will be be Duffy's replacement after he goes to Motherwell ?

Ranieri. 

[Colkitto]

Jai Quitongo signs new contract!  Excellent news!