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Father and Son Relationships


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29 minutes ago, The_Kincardine said:

The easy answer to this, Pete, is to get divorced.

My son was 16 in October last and he stays with me 2/3 days a week and is charming, sociable, studious and everything you'd want your 16 yo to be.  When he stays with his maw (closer to the school) he is everything you've described and she sends me texts and emails saying how difficult she finds him.

I'm not sure how I'd cope with him 24x7 but in short doses he's an absolute delight.

That's the way, spoil him rotten and when he goes back to his Mum with school day rules he'll be a miserable git. 

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Some real hard hitting posts in this thread, makes me appreciate the relationship I have with my dad all the more. SlipperyP's post in particular was almost surreal when you think about it.

Then, in typical P&B style, all this was countered by throbber vs. Jimmy and Sweet Pete. Terrific.

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Just now, welshbairn said:

That's the way, spoil him rotten and when he goes back to his Mum with school day rules he'll be a miserable git. 

Yup.  I'm the hero and she's zero ;)

The upside is that I make him b'fast in bed and he revises like f**k for his GCSEs.

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Must be about 18 years since my dad died and I still miss him. My daughter reminds me of him sometimes and I find it odd how two folk who never met each other can have so many similar traits. She cracks the same sort of jokes as he did so whilst she's a good laugh in her own right I like to tell her how much she's like her grandpa and how well they'd have got on. 

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The easy answer to this, Pete, is to get divorced.
My son was 16 in October last and he stays with me 2/3 days a week and is charming, sociable, studious and everything you'd want your 16 yo to be.  When he stays with his maw (closer to the school) he is everything you've described and she sends me texts and emails saying how difficult she finds him.
I'm not sure how I'd cope with him 24x7 but in short doses he's an absolute delight.

In best PnB tradition you have (near enough) hit nail square on the head.

Me and his maw went our separate ways 7 years ago and he shares his time on a rotating 5:2 rota between us. I'm the discipline guy, she's far more laissez faire.

Give me an extended period of time with him and he's an absolute joy. But it seems the constant flip-flipping between two distinct regimes is good for none of us.

And I couldn't do 24/7 either.
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That's the way, spoil him rotten and when he goes back to his Mum with school day rules he'll be a miserable git. 

Thing is, I'm the one with the school day rules. I think it's the constant rotation between the two extreme ends of the parenting spectrum that cause the mind f**k for him. And behavioural issue for us.

Easy answer is of course for me to loosen up. But f**k that if you'd heard the way he speaks to his maw. Insisting on a standard of courtesy that involves 'please' and 'thank you' as a bare minimum - which I do - shouldn't make me Victorian Dad.
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Some real hard hitting posts in this thread, makes me appreciate the relationship I have with my dad all the more. SlipperyP's post in particular was almost surreal when you think about it.

Then, in typical P&B style, all this was countered by throbber vs. Jimmy and Sweet Pete. Terrific.


I didn't just start talking about Hua Hin for no reason, Slippery P talked about it first but his post isn't there anymore!
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I get on a lot better with my dad than my mum. My mum is a total control freak who has to make everyone's decisions even though I'm 25, and my younger sister is 21.

My dad is pretty laid back, will give you advice but won't tell you what to do unless he thinks it's a bad choice, unfortunately he is a Tory, and he veers pretty close to the right.

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My Dad is a decent bloke. Don't see him enough mind, only c. 3 times a year. Big Raith Rovers fan but despite this took me along to see the Jags when I was a young chap. He believes in anyone but the Old Firm and is a SNP voter so all round good guy. As a result of this thread I am going to organise a match and a pint with him soon..

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I could be wrong, but I think there was a big jump between my father's generation and mine. My old man came from a different time, very few people of a different ethnicity or sexuality (at least openly) to himself. Politically as well we were poles apart. Yet in many ways we were similar, in temperament and our contentment to wander into a pub and enjoy a drink by ourself.

We weren't particularly close but he was my Dad and I'm pretty sure he loved me although it was beyond him to articulate this. He doted on my son though, and in a way taught me how to be a father through our flawed relationship...

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On 6/8/2015 at 16:06, Fuctifano said:

Been a bit tempestuous over the years, generally a good guy but a total arse with a bevvy in him. We both are pretty quick tempered so when I was old enough to do so it came to blows on a few occasions. Sadly he’s not very well now following a stroke 3 years ago and he’s just a shell of his former self, haven’t got as far as SlipperyP yet though.

He died a year ago, without any Slippery P - esque intervention on my behalf I should point out. He's been in my dreams quite a few times since, sometimes in the dream I know that he's already dead and sometimes I don't. I've probably upgraded him a bit in my mind since he died which I guess is natural, remember the good times rather than the bad.

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I've never wanted to be a father and the idea of being married and having kids seems absolutely awful to me.  It would drive me insane.

So I'm basically the same as my dad except he only realised that after getting married and having kids.

As a father he's an absolutely useless c**t and we don't have any kind of relationship but in a way I kinda understand his side of it.

 

 

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Never had a real relationship with either of my parents, they live 10 minutes up the road and im lucky if i see my mum maybe once a week(both as a kid and an adult) and my dad at birthdays and christmas. Was raised by my gran so shes the closest thing ive got to a parent.

Never been interested in having kids and i can barely tolerate being around my cousin's son for more than a hour before i can feel my brain melt. More than a few relationships of mine have ended due to my insistence on not having children, been accused of being selfish and you're right i totally am, i live to serve myself and no other and that's how i like it. Taking a long break from relationships at the moment because i honestly cant be arsed with all the shite that surrounds them.

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My dad was raised on a farm, he was born in '42, and my Grandad was long dead before Dad met my Mum so we aren't sure what kind of relationship they had. From what my Mum has found out it was a hard, rural and quite cold relationship which I could totally believe. I know he loved me and my brother but he rarely, to the point that we still speak about them, did random nice things. Like taking us for ice cream or buying a sweet when he bought his paper, it just never occurred to him because he didn't have that growing up. We definitely got on better when I became an adult and learned to drive, he was an hgv driver for 40 odd years so driving was a thing in common to speak about.
He's been away for about 3 years now after the daft auld bugger fell off a ladder one morning, hadn't even had his breakfast. Even now there are times I can't speak about him without choking up (like now).
I remember once he did that very Scottish dad thing of thinking I was going to attack him when I gave him a hug.
I've got two sons of my own aged 20 and 18 who are hugged regularly and can count most of their interests as being influenced by me, as it should be.
None of the little b*****ds likes football though and believe me I tried.

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