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'Cold proofing' / tips to make a flat warmer (or not as cold)


DA Baracus

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Get one of the walloper above's stupid bobble hats to keep your head warm. Grow a beard to keep your face warm.

Getting a job as a lorry driver will surely follow, as will murdering prostitutes.

Good job I shaved off my beard then, eh? 8)

Cops'll never recognise me now.

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I have no radiators in my flat and only have an electric heater which guzzles the credit from the meter. With it getting colder, I'm looking to take steps to make the place more 'cold proof'.

I've already duct taped over the seals in the windows in the living room (a ludicrous set of 4, one of which is a ridiculous window) and it's already made a bit of difference. These windows are where most of the heat is escaping. The curtains are set back from it, not helping matters. I plan to get some blankets and pin then over the windows.

I also made a draught excluder using old football socks and magazines and use it at the front door. This seems to be making a bit of a difference too.

Any other tips amidst the accusations of Dundee tinkery and general scaffiness? To compound matters, when I was seperating rubbish in to two bags (it was too big for one bag) I found a bag of crisps (open) that I put in there on Sunday and have just eaten a few.

You don't help yourself, do you? Why the f**k did you rent this slum dwelling?

What floor are you on? If it's top floor, then get that free loft insulation installed. Failing that, buy a better electric heater. Possibly a radiant panel type that heats you rather than the space. If you have tiled floors, stick a rug down. Cling film or clear tarpaulin over the single glazed windows to give you cheap secondary glazing. Buy several cheap wooly jumpers at charity shops and try and live in one room.

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Masturbate furiously.

.

Poor advice. You can only keep this up for so long, then you'll be a cold, sweaty mess. Pneumonia will set in and you'll die alone in your hovel of a flat. Your poor mother will have to identify your withered body, with your hand frozen round your cock. What a grotesque site for the poor woman.

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