Monster Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing. I fucking hate The Archers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing. You have city hands Sweet Pete, been counting money all your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 You have city hands Sweet Pete, been counting money wanking all your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Good point that..........this is where a previous relationship of mine fell apart. before you know it you're just "living together". Don't let the rot set in........keep talking to each other! f**k it. We are just going to have kids. That will bring us closer together again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 f**k it. We are just going to have kids. That will bring us closer together again. Mate of mine actually lived out that old cliche – he and his missus were fighting like cat and dog constantly, and one of them had the bright idea that a kid might make things better. Fast forward 18 months, they were still fighting like cat and dog with zero chance of making a clean break and a fresh start. Smart move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Whilst dressed as a clown, throw a bucket of semen (doesn't have to be yours or indeed human; in fact the more different kinds the better) in her face to wake her up. Whilst she looks like a melting candle sobbing salty DNA tears, perform anus based magic tricks. Or you could post hate mail to yourself to get sympathy. No one knows you like you so you'll so be able to get really personal. On a more serious note, do more things together that you both like but also spend some time apart. I don't mean as if in living away from each other but more take a day trip with friends and not her (and vice versa) or take a walk a couple of nights a week. Too much time together in the same space can be stifling and just brews resentment. Humans love company but also need their own space. Also you might have to face the tough possibility that it isn't working. If you come to that conclusion you need to end it, for both your sakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Lately in my marriage i have become the laziest so and so about and have only been interested in things that concern me. I love my wife to the moon and back and would be devastated if we split up. But in the house i am lazy and kick about in a world of my own. I have had a few personal problems like weight gain and confidence issues and sometimes feel i have no one to talk to about silly things. My wife nags me to the point she is shouting to get me to do stuff. I have a good job and a good life but feel there is always something im not happy with. I wish a could become a better person and stop being so lazy and self absorbed with myself and do something nice now and again for my wife. I have zero confidence just now and i used to be very confident. Has anyone any advice? What can i do? I want to do it but everytime i say right im goin to change its another empty promise Showing her this thread would be a good start IMO. Then, get to your GP and get referred to the local mental health unit; hasn't helped me much, but things like cognitive behavioural therapy might be useful for you. Join the Depression thread, if you haven't already, as you should be discussing this stuff with someone. At least some of the discussion should be with your wife. You really, really need to talk to her. If anyone's advice on here is seriously just "man up", then have a word with yourself before you end up needing help and self-harm out of despair that you don't live up to your own macho image. That obviously doesn't include the usual quality banter merchants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I'm a expert on women so listen to me not these metrosexual wankers. Join a gym and get friendly with slightly over weight women. Get slim together and pump them, look on adultwork and pump a prostitute or 5. Spend your wages on man toys I suggest starting with this http://www.taiwangun.com/en/asr114-spyder-ebb-full-metal-aps?from=listing&campaign-id=19 and you can build from there. There is loads of airsoft sites around Scotland it will also keep you fit . Kick the wife out the house and get a 18/19 year old girlfriend that's a pure dirty. After a year or so dump it and repeat. No need to thank me Actually, screw my advice; CJ's got it sorted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jock001 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I had a quick scan. I may have made a couple of slight mistakes However overall I think if you can't get on with anyone (in the long or medium term)it makes you a fuckwomble and if you can't get on with any woman whatsoever it makes you a c**t. Marriage may work, but lets be honest, it's fecking unlikely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddiemunster Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Pump her maw...or her da. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 M8 av spoke tae you oan the junior fitbaw pages wtf u expect to get af the duke street taliban. swallow a viagra wrap sandpaper round yer cock and give it a god auld 1-2 turbo w**k followed by a right good hard look at yerself in the mirror and say "Yes A Can" in the same voice as The nutty professor, Then get the wife pumped and make her cum like a hoarse pishing and ul Be sorted champ. If ye need anymore advice fone maurice malpas he is working Syria as a health and fitness guru What in the actual f**k is this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 What in the actual f**k is this Textbook word salad. Becoming quite common on here. Bloody kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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